Teenagers and their Dumb Problems

Kacee, a 14 year old girl, threw her 200 dollar cell phone at the wall in frustration because her boyfriend of a week hasn’t texted her back in an hour. She then proceeded to send an IM to her friend April “I am so depressed! I’m so sad because my boyfriend isn’t texting me back, maybe he hates me  Maybe I said something wrong. Oh my god I just threw my phone at the wall and now the touch screen isn’t working right. WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD!” April proceeds to inform Kacee that she “got her back” and that they will go to the mall and discuss their very serious and complicated boy problems together.
Kacee decides to bring her 800-dollar Canon camera (which she only uses to take mirror pictures of herself to post on social networking sites) to the mall. Kacee and April take 200 pictures together at the mall making unappealing faces. She also complains about how her parents aren’t giving her more allowance, because 70 dollars a month simply isn’t enough to satisfy her needs. When Kacee purchases an ordinary ice cream cone, she MUST take a photo and post it to twitter right away, so everyone following her can know what a fabulous time she is having with her friend, eating ice cream. Not like anyone cares.
After the mall, Kacee opens up her Macbook Air and proceeds to go on a social networking site known as tumblr. She discovers that she has a new message in her inbox! What a thrill! She opens her inbox to find that it is a mean anonymous message. “ur so gross gurl I hate u, get a new face”. Kacee cries and calls April, sobbing about how sad she is, how hard her life is, and how Kacee is depressed. April is sick of Kacee’s attitude, and how spoiled she is. April says “Actually, depression is a lack of feeling, you’re not depressed, stop self diagnosing yourself.” Kacee yells at April about how bad of a friend she is, and cries alone because no one “understands her”.’
Kacee makes a blog post about all these happenings to get attention from her peers. She then drinks a sip of beer and makes yet another post about how she is “drunk” and “wasted” and how she is certainly a partier. Maybe people will like her more then. She reblogs unmoving love quotes and posts such as “I love when guys hug me from behind! <3333” Bing! She hears an alert from her phone meaning her boyfriend texted back! “Hey, I was just taking a nap, sorry I didn’t reply. Love you babe.” Everything is perfect and wonderful again, Kacee is the happiest girl ever!
The next day, Kacee goes to school and texts during every one of her classes, not taking in anything the teacher is saying. She gets an F on her test and complains about how the work is too hard. Another day of wasting her 12,000-dollar tuition! After school she spends 20 minutes taking a bunch of pictures with her friends on her Macbook, and uploads them on facebook, with lyrics from love songs as captions. Trying to be deep and inspirational. After all this Kacee pays 100 dollars just to get her nails painted with little Hello Kitty drawings on it. What an efficient and profitable way to spend your money!
Did anyone mention how hipster and fashionable Kacee happens to be? She wears crop tops and short shorts from well known brand names, but yells when people call her a “slut”. She also makes sure to have clownish multicolored feathers in her hair. On her feet she sports 50-dollar vans shoes. So original and hip! Kacee should win a trophy, even.
The next week, her boyfriend of 2 weeks breaks up with her via facebook IM. He says that they don’t have that “spark” anymore. Kacee cries for DAYS, telling her friends how she has no reason or will to live anymore. “This was the most serious and wonderful relationship I’ve had. I don’t know how I’m going to live without him anymore, why does God have to do this to me? Why is my life so hard?” Maybe someday Kacee will contemplate her life and realize how stupid she is.