Elmo Meets a 'Special' Friend by Danielle H.

Elmo Meets a ‘Special’ Friend

“Boys and girls, Elmo is going to have a special friend over for snack- doesn’t that sound like fun?” The children clap ecstatically in reply, smiling and cheering as Elmo nods his head and nearly screams the sentence in his high-pitched voice. “YAY! Well then,” Elmo continues, jumping up and down in his chair. He motions with his small arms to the side of the room, and in an equally loud and squeaky voice, chirps, “Please welcome Elmo’s newest and very special friend, HANK THE PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIC!” The children smile and applaud as a visibly uncomfortable looking man walks into the room. He is tall, slim, and his shaggy black hair hangs in his face. There are dark circles under his eyes, and he winces as the children (and even Elmo) all scream loudly at him as he takes his seat next to the Muppet.

“Elmo is really excited to have you here Hank!! ARE YOU EXCITED TOO?” Elmo shouts directly into Hank’s face, causing the man to tug uncomfortably on the sleeves of his turtleneck. “Th-the men in white said it’s n-not good for me to get excited…that’s why they put me in the padded room…” Hank stammers, shifting on his seat and giving a small but earnest smile. The room enters into an awkward silence. The children do not know whether to applause or cry, but Elmo squeals another, “YAY!” and the kids are at ease and begin clapping again. Hank flinches. “Okay Hank!! We’re going to play twenty questions! WON’T THAT BE FUN?”

Before Hank can answer, Elmo and the children all begin clapping and screaming again and Hank winces uncomfortably once more. It is obvious now that Hank doesn’t like loud noises, but the children and even their host all remain blissfully unaware as they continue their attack of noise.

“OKAY FIRST QUESITON HANK- WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?!” Elmo inquired, leaning in to receive Hank’s response. “White…because it’s the color of the walls at the asylum.” Hank answered, playing absently with a loose string on his sleeve. “YAY!” Elmo screams again, flailing his arms wildly and cheering enthusiastically. Biting his lip, Hank nervously asks him, “Could you please stop…? The voices say that they don’t like loud noises…” Elmo nods and pats Hank on the arm. “OKAY NEW FRIEND! ELMO WILL STOP HAHAHA!” Elmo screams in reply, laughing his squeaky laugh and screaming his squeaky scream. Hank shifts in his seat again.
“WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?”
“Hmm…Zoloft, Ritalin, Cymbalta, Risperidone…and ravioli. I like ravioli a lot.”
“ELMO LIKES RAVIOLI TOO! YAY!!”
“May you p-please stop..?”
“DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES?”
“Digging through the wall, hiding pills, rocking back and forth, whispering…”
“ELMO LIKES DIGGING TOO!”
“Y-you said you’d stop yelling…”
“NEXT QUESTION! YAY!!”
“Shh…! Please…”
“DO YOU LIKE CARTOONS?”
“When I close my eyes, I see cartoons playing on my eyelids-”
“YAY! CARTOONS!!”
“But I didn’t even finish…please. Stop yelling, the voices are waking up.”
“OOPS! SORRY NEW FRIEND! I FORGOT! Elmo will be quiet…”

Elmo whispered the last half of his sentence, and Hank seemed to relax a bit after hearing him finally lower his voice. The children smiled excitedly as their beloved host giggled and whispered to them as Hank sat obliviously in his seat. “Okay. Last question…Hank; will you be Elmo’s new friend?” Elmo asked innocently, looking up at Hank with great shiny marble eyes and rubbing his head against Hank’s arm like a puppy.

“…sure.” Hank replied absently, shifting away from the Muppet who was invading his personal space. “YAAAAAAAAY!!!!” Elmo screamed, releasing all of his enthusiasm and excitement in one fell cry, and just so you know it the children began to clap and cheer- and at the sound of something as loud as all that combined, something inside Hank flipped.
He blinked once, twice, and then a shudder seemed to race through his whole body as he stood up, and flipped the table over. The children hardly had time to react before Hank had his hands around their beloved host’s neck. “I TOLD YOU!!” Hank screamed into Elmo’s face, wildly shaking the Muppet back and forth as he strangled him. The children screamed and dispersed as the whole room went wild. “I TOLD YOU THEY WERE COMING! THEY COME IN THE NIGHT! TEETH NASHING, BONES GRINDING- DENTISTS! DAMNED SONS OF ADAM,” Hank spewed off more nonsense before two burly men in white (orderlies by the look of it) came and cut through the madness, carrying between the two of them a long white straitjacket. The camera shook wildly as the shaky forms of the orderlies attempted to pry Hank off of Elmo and get him into the restraints. Over the sound of children crying and the grunts of a struggle, one cameraman’s voice was heard over the panic, loud and clear: “We’re live! We’re live! Cut to black- CUT TO BLACK!” Then everything went black, and I changed the channel to go watch Teletubbies.