Satire by Nadia B.

Once upon a time, in a land far away, lived a beautiful princess, beloved by all. She was raised by her doting nanny Pula who, like all the villagers, pitied the princess - orphaned as a baby following the tragic disappearance of her parents. On dark nights, however, one could hear whispered rumors among the chambermaids that the king and queen had run away, abandoning little Cinderbella Whiteman because of her fretful, unappeasable attitude. For the most part, however, the princess was praised by all, far and wide, for her beauty and prowess in all she did. Even the way she breathed and the methods she used to brush her teeth or tie her shoes were clearly far superior to all others. Most marvelous of all was her unsurpassed beauty. Cinderbella was the fairest maiden in all the land and it went without saying that naturally, she must have been born with such loveliness. Her long, flowing hair was too perfect to be natural, but of course no one asked whether she used product. Her skin glowed with a golden tan year round. But even though the sun rarely touched the kingdom, no one wondered at how this was possible. Cinderbella was gracious and charming, always smiling and giggling - making all who saw her join in. What the villagers were oblivious to was the fact that hidden behind that sweet, girlish façade was a quick-tempered, whiny, spiteful, and utterly silly princess.



In the small village located outside Cinderbella’s sprawling castle walls, lived Anya - also gentle and beautiful. Although she rivaled Cinderbella’s grace and charm, unlike the princess, Anya was hated by all. Even when she tried to charm her friends and neighbors by raising her angelic voice in song or by dancing with a grace that seemed otherworldly, they would insist that “the princess could do it better!” Anya was pained by such comparisons because she remembered a time when she was Cinderbella’s closest companion. As children they had explored the royal gardens together, falling into fits of laughter when Pula, huffing and puffing, would plead with them to slow down. Anya, an ever-patient teacher, took great joy in instructing Cinderbella in the arts that she excelled in and so enjoyed. Over time, however, Cinderbella began to notice that wherever they went together, people marveled at Anya’s beauty and wit, Anya’s talent and kindness. One day, in a jealous rage, the princess decided to get rid of her best friend. That afternoon as they were riding together, Anya’s horse accidentally bucked her into a ravine. Cinderbella glanced around to ensure that she had an audience, then gave a cry of false dismay. Springing clumsily off her steed, the princess rushed to Anya’s side. Upon seeing her friend’s injuries, Cinderbella loudly declared that Anya “simply must stay at the castle until she fully recovered.” The princess led Anya back to the castle, where she nursed her night and day, treating her wounds with a smelly paste that she was certain would speed up Anya’s healing. When Anya finally left the castle she was shocked to discover that the people whom she had once called friends recoiled at the sight of her and avoided her. It was only when she glanced at herself in the mirror for the first time after her accident that she discovered the cause of their shock. Anya’s lovely face was riddled with horrid purple scars.



News of Cinderbella nursing Anya back to health spread quickly and one day the princess woke up to the shouts and cheers of her subjects standing outside of the castle. “Cinderbella, what a saint you are!” they declared. “Oh how gracious, magnanimous, and benevolent you are! You are clearly not only the fairest maiden in the land, but the most just and good!” From that day on, things were never the same. Anya no longer turned heads or held the spotlight, and so the fickle affections of the villagers were transferred completely to Cinderbella. The two girls who had once been joined at the hip, went their separate ways. Without a friend to pass her days with, Cinderbella took up daydreaming. Hour upon hour, the princess fantasized about Stephano, her betrothed, and how greatly he must love her already. Unbeknownst to her, her parents’ last act of mercy had been to bribe Stephano’s family to pledge him in marriage to their daughter. Cinderbella spent hours picturing his handsome face. She took it of little consequence that he also happened to be friends with the leading plastic surgeon of the time - authenticity had little value her. One day, as the princess peered out her window dreaming, she saw her beloved Stephano striding purposefully down the dusty village street. Cinderbella’s excitement at seeing her fiance for the very first time was quickly stifled when she saw him turn down the lane to Anya’s humble abode. Transfixed, Cinderbella watched as Stephano rapped on the door and Anya opened it. He leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed, a smug smile on his gorgeous face. His features were bright, but there was a sinister light in his eyes. All of a sudden, Stephano grabbed Anya and roughly tried to kiss her, oblivious of the princess watching in horror from her castle window. From her sentry’s post Cinderbella could clearly see Anya struggling to resist Stephano - ever loyal to her princess even years after their friendship had fallen apart. But anger overwhelmed her as she realized that Anya - scarred by Cinderbella’s means, unloved because of her superiority - had captured the heart of her prince. The jealous princess’ mind raced, greed and spite making her oblivious to Anya’s innocence, and she determined to punish Anya for ‘making’ Stephano fall in love with her.



That evening, Stephano proceeded to Cinderbella’s castle, accompanied by trumpets and fanfare befitting the most handsome, rich, and successful prince in all the land. At that moment, however, the prince’s confident, unruffled countenance was gone, replaced by irritation and embarrassment. Ignoring the change in his attitude, Cinderbella rushed at Stephano and kissed him. Stephano stiffened and shrunk back, but the princess, determined to prove that she was far more desirable than someone like Anya, only pushed harder. A cheer went up, and the observers exclaimed, “what a romantic, beautiful, perfect first kiss!” But as the prince pulled back, the expression on his face revealed that the princess’ less-than-graceful smashing of her lips against his had not made him fall any more in love with her. That evening, after a sumptuous feast, Cinderbella took Stephano up to her room, dismissed her servants and immediately began a vehement rant against Anya - eagerly pouncing upon all of her former friend’s ‘many faults.’ Stephano, his pride still stinging from his morning encounter, joined Cinderbella in disparaging the innocent village girl. United in jealousy and shame, the princess and prince plotted to condemn Anya for seducing the princess’ betrothed. The next morning, the sun shone brightly over Cinderbella’s kingdom as she called Anya to trial. It was not hard for the beloved princess to convict the ‘ugly’ commoner of the flagrant crime. Within an hour, Anya was condemned to life in prison. Throughout the trial she shook with quiet sobs, broken by the knowledge that her honesty and benevolence had only hurt her, despairing in the fact that this time, good had not overcome evil.



The palace guards escorted Anya to the castle dungeon, where they stowed her away without ceremony. The once-beloved village girl was quickly forgotten in the excitement of planning a royal wedding. Cinderbella thought no more of her former friend and instead bustled around getting ready to marry her beloved and soaking in the praise of her subjects who readily groveled at her feet, declaring her saint-like mercy and her unsurpassed beauty. Completely self-consumed, the princess failed to notice that her prince could barely conceal his loathing for her. Whenever they were together, his smile was forced. When Cinderbella giggled gleefully, he cringed and rolled his eyes. Those who noticed his behavior chose to convince themselves that they were mistaken and so preparations continued smoothly as the kingdom joyfully prepared for the coming wedding. The morning of the ceremony dawned bright and sunny, and the villagers flocked to watch the consummation of their princess’ happiness. All who saw Cinderbella remarked, “How gorgeous and radiant she looks! Why, she positively beams!” And in a gaudy dress studded in diamonds, the princess really did shine! She floated down the aisle toward Stephano and a smile lit up her face. On the altar, prince and princess exchanged vows with a sweet tenderness, betrayed only by Stephano’s stiffness and his tight-lipped smile. The villagers were oblivious to their prince’s cold manner, however, because all eyes were on Cinderbella. The beautiful wedding ceremony ended in truly magical kiss. Although afterward some remarked that it seemed somewhat one-sided, such remarks were always met by angry declarations that “never has there been a more perfect, passionate true-love’s kiss!”



And so Cinderbella and her prince lived happily ever after - or so the villagers insisted. In spite of rumors that Stephano’s extended business trips were actually women-related, or that the prince and princess really weren’t perfect for each other after all, the villagers were certain of their monarch’s happiness and vehemently denied all such claims. Cinderbella, content in the fact that she had gotten what she wanted, ignored all negative statements, determinedly keeping up her happily-ever-after farce ever after. The End.