The Perfect Story: A Play on Perfection
Narrator: The United States of America. A perfect country, with one absolutely perfect city: Omaha, Nebraska. At the edge of the city, on the very outskirts to be exact, you will find paradise. Paradise High School, that is. It is an ordinary high school, with jocks, cheerleaders, band geeks, nerds, and young politicians, but this paradise has one group that no other high school in the world has: the Misfits.
Act 1: In which Alyss challenges the Misfits to a duel of perfection, and the Misfits break apart
Setting: Paradise High School Cafeteria
Enter Iris, Kat, Resa, and Tania, collectively known as the Misfits, who head to a table all the way in the back of the cafeteria
Iris: Hi everyone! How was your weekend? (silence) Okay then, it must have been good… (turns, sees Kat scrubbing the table with a brand-new sponge) Ooh, is that the new Scour Action Cleaner 5000! Lucky, yours is pink! Here, let me help you! (takes out a spray bottle from her backpack and wets the table)
Kat: Ugh, why can’t the school give us a better table? (scrubs harder) I swear, this spray paint is permanent! (scrubs with all of her might)
Resa: (munches on a huge bag of chips) Why don’t you guys have a snack? After all, it’s lunchtime. (stops eating for a moment, and then empties the entire bag into her mouth)
Chips fly everywhere, including Iris’s head.
Resa: Oops. (starts eating chips off the floor)
Kat: Resa! What did I say about dumping chips into your mouth?! (starts running and scooping chips into a trash bag from her backpack)
Iris: (starts hyperventilating) AAHHHH! I can’t see! I can’t see! Help me! Help! Help…
Tania: (stands up slowly) Enough. Kat, leave the chips, the janitors will get them. Iris, open your eyes. Resa, don’t eat the chips off the floor. Honestly, it’s because of scenarios like this that people think we have problems!
All of the girls stop their various actions and stare at Tania. Iris bursts out laughing, then chokes and hiccups.
Kat: Problems? PROBLEMS?! You’ve got to be kidding me? I’m OCD, how can I help the way I act? Iris has a panic disorder, Resa is obese, and you have anger iss-… (trails off at the mad glint in Tania’s eyes) Never mind.
Tania: (sighs) Anyway, want to hear a joke? (everyone puts their fingers in their ears) So, what looks like a tree and eats like a tree? A tree! (laughs, but everyone else winces)
Iris: Um, that was scary. Anyways, Kat does have a point. After all, we don’t have any skills to fit in with the other groups.
Resa: I can eat a pie in three seconds!
Tania: Not that kind of skill Resa. But what skills do they have that we don’t?
Kat: (ticking off the various groups on her fingers) Well, none of us are good at sports, so we’re not in with the jocks and cheerleaders. None of us can be in band, because we don’t play any instruments. We don’t have silver tongues that can charm everyone into voting for us for class president, so politics is out. And (moans) none of our GPAs are higher than a 2.5…
Enter Alyss with her groupies
Alyss: (sneering) Well, look what we have here. A group of… Gosh, what are you guys? (groupies snicker) Oh right, Misfits; nothing more than a pathetic gathering of nobodies.
Tania: Do you wanna go? DO YOU? You little-
Iris: Don’t say anything, just ignore her everyone.
Kat: (smirks) Need I remind you, Ms. Popular, that you used to be a Misfit (makes finger quotes) yourself?
Alyss: (burns with rage and shame) Not anymore. I’m done with your loser group! After all, now I’m a perfect person (takes out a mirror). I have never seen anyone more beautiful than me. My hair, my eyes, my skin! It’s all perfect! And on top of that, I’m popular! No one is more popular than me, no one! I am the most perfect being! It’s all me! Me! No one i-
Iris: But what about Guinevere? (all turn to glance at her)
(Guinevere is seated at the very first table by the windows, surrounded by popular people chattering. While reading a book, she simultaneously flips her long wavy hair, tells a joke, and laughs. Unconsciously, everyone sighs in envy)
Kat: HA! See? Even you are envious, because you’re only the 2nd most popular girl. Guinevere is always going to be the first, because being perfect is being smart and getting good grades.
Resa: No it’s not! Being perfect is when you’re as skinny as a twig!
Tania: Resa, that isn’t true. A perfect person is always funny, and people laugh at their jokes without being intimidated. Right guys?
Alyss: (flips hair and makes buzzer sound) Wrong! Perfection is popularity, Misfits! This means that I am true perfection!
Iris: (mutters quietly) Guinevere is perfect, not you. After all, she’s perfect since she’s beautiful.
Alyss: (smolders with anger) You know what?! None of you have any idea of what the perfect being is! Therefore, I challenge all of you to a match three days from now! If none of you can prove that you or your idea is perfect, than I win!
Kat: (rolls eyes) And what makes you think that we’re going to take you up on that challenge?
Tania, Iris, and Resa: I’ll do it.
Alyss: (smirks in triumph) Fine. Cafeteria, at lunch in three days. That way everyone can see what losers you are!
Exit Alyss and groupies
Kat: Now what in the name of cleaning detergent made you guys say yes?! After all, how can we work together? We each have our own idea of perfection.
Iris: Well, maybe we don’t have to work together. Why don’t we split apart?
Tania: Really? Will you be okay? After all, we’ve been together for a long time. What’s going to happen if Alyss brings out the chicken again? (waits for someone to laugh, no one does) You don’t get it? Iris is a coward, also known as a chicken… That’s it! You people never even slightly chuckle at my jokes. I’m leaving! And don’t text me! I’ll throw my phone at your heads! (exits)
Resa: I hope she doesn’t stay mad at us too long… (starts eating chips off the floor again)
Kat: Resa stop that! If you stop eating everything you see, then you wouldn’t weigh more than a monster truck! (stops in horror at what she just said)
Resa: (pauses in shock, then slowly rises) You know I’ve always wanted to be skinny… then I would be amazingly perfect. But you didn’t have to throw that out into my face! (runs away, exiting the stage)
(Awkward silence between Kat and Iris)
Iris: Um, do you think that we cou-
Kat: (in tears) That’s right, make fun of how stupid I am, with my OCD! I’m gonna be so smart, you won’t know who I am! I’m leaving to go help the janitor with mopping the floor! Don’t talk to me! (exits)
Iris: (in confusion) Huh?! Wait, what are you talking about? (runs after Kat, slips on a banana peel) AAHH! My leg broke! I’m dying! I’m dying! Blood’s splattered all over me! I’m slowly slipping into unconsciousness! Help! Blood and plasma everywhe- Oh, wait a minute, it’s just water…
End Act 1
Act 2: In which the Misfits each detail her separate quest to become perfect, and fail miserably
Setting: Each one at her own house
Scene 1
Enter Tania, in her living room, perusing a joke website on her laptop
Tania: ‘Why does a seagull fly over the sea? Because if it flew over the bay it would be called a bagel!’ (eyebrows go up in confusion) How is that funny? Let’s see, what a funny one…is ‘Why was the little strawberry crying? Because his parents were in a jam.’ No, that’s not funny either. Why do none of these make sense? (ponders) Because they’re jokes! (laughs) Now MY joke was funny. But why does no one get them?
Tania’s brother: (voice offstage) Your jokes just aren’t funny, ok? Just give up sis.
Tania: (in a very quiet and controlled voice) I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. What did you say?
(silence)
Tania: That’s what I thought. (glances at laptop again) Ugh, this is the worst website ever! (throws laptop across the room angrily) Oops. Oh well, maybe if I just act funny, then I’ll win! Yeah, that’s it. So my first joke should be…
(Scene 1 ends with her muttering incomprehensible sentences)
Scene 2
Enter Resa, in her dining room exercising
Resa: Okay! Let’s get started! (sits down on a mat) Sit-ups first! One! Two! Three! (enter Resa’s mom)
Resa’s mom: Cupcake, what are you doing?
Resa: Sit-ups, why? Four! Five! Six!
Resa’s mom: Honey, what is this for? Is this for school?
Resa: Well, I need to win this competition that proves that being skinny is being perfect! So I’m doing sit-ups to decrease my fat. Seven, eight, nine… Boy, this is hard work! How do people handle all this exercise?
Resa’s mom: Um, sweetheart, this is how you do a sit-up. (demonstrates a sit-up) You don’t just, uh…
Resa: Oh. I actually have to do that? I just thought that you just sit up and stay there counting! So does that mean when you do push-ups you don’t just push up with your hands?
Resa’s mom: No, I’m sorry sweetie pie. If you want, I just made deep-fried pork rinds with deep-fried French fries! But if you want to get skinny, then maybe not.
Resa: Well, maybe only once I’ll have the fried stuff. Tomorrow I’ll eat healthy… maybe. Now back to exercise! O-n-e! (collapses) I can’t do this! Sit-ups are so hard!
(Scene 2 ends with Resa attempting to get up, but she can’t)
Scene 3
Enter Kat in her bedroom surrounded by textbooks
Kat: (with enthusiasm) Ok, so the quadratic formula is 3.14 and π is the opposite of b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus 4 multiplied by a and c, and all over 2 multiplied by a. Carbon is the first element of the periodic table, and George Washington gave the Gettysburg Address. Voltaire wrote To Kill a Mockingbird and Romeo and Juliet. Finally the Spanish word for love is odiar. Hahaha! I totally got this! No one is going to be smarter than me at the competition! I shall be the world’s greatest genius! Now all I have to do is master spelling! Encountering. E-n-k-o-w-n-d-e-r-i-n-g. Perfect!
(Scene 3 ends with her reciting very wrongly spelled words)
Scene 4
Enter Iris in her bathroom with make-up bottles and brushes everywhere
Iris: Ok, I can do this! First, apply foundation. (takes the brush) Apply directly to face. (swipes over face) Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! (keeps brushing face) Oh no! Foundation must give you a cold! Germs! (stops brushing) Well, I’ll skip that step. Next, I’ll put on lipstick. (uncaps lipstick) Gosh, I didn’t imagine that lipstick would be so…red. (starts to smear lipstick on her lips) Remember Iris, this is just lipstick, it’s not like you’re putting blood on… Whew, so glad that that’s done! Finally, to place mascara on. (takes out mascara brush) Okay, so I just gently rub it on my eyelashe- AAAHHHH!!! I poked my eye out! I’m blind in one eye! (accidentally pokes other eye) AGH! I’m never going to see daylight again! Good-bye sweet world! Farewell colors of the earth and sky! Oh, to be blinded at such a young age, when I was in the flower of my youth! (runs into wall because she’s blind) Where’s the door? WHERE’S THE DOOR?!
(Scene 4 ends with her slamming into the wall opposite of the door)
End Act 2
Act 3- In which the Misfits and Alyss battle, and thus discover Guinevere’s ways of being perfect
Setting: Paradise High School Cafeteria , 3 days later
Enter the Misfits and Alyss into the cafeteria
Alyss: (smug) Prepare to go down Misfits! Now it’s time for me to shine!
Tania: Ha! Well, I’ll blow all of you away laughing with my jokes! Now, why did the chicken cross the road? (waits) To get to the other sea! Ha-ha!
(dead silence)
Resa: (is stuffed into really tight clothing) Sorry Tania, but you lose. If you haven’t noticed, I am amazingly skinny now! So I am perfection! (all of the buttons on her clothing pop off)
(again, dead silence)
Kat: Well, I’ll bet none of you can spell... potatoes! P-o-t-e-t-o-s. Yay! A perfect, smart word! (someone holds up a sign spelling the correct word) Oh… that’s how you spell it.
(awkward silence)
Alyss: Well Iris? Let’s see how perfect you a- OH MY GOSH! (is in shock)
Iris: H-hi guys how is it going? (face is smeared with make-up, both eyes are puffy, and her head is wrapped in Band-Aids) Don’t I look beautiful?
Alyss: (unable to contain her triumph) Uh, no! This means that I, Alyss, the most popular girl in school, win the battle of perfection! I am the best! I AM THE BEST! Muahahah-
Enter Guinevere
Guinevere: (calmly) Actually, if we‘re going by your idea of perfection, than I am the most perfect girl in the world.
Alyss: (upset) I don’t care! What makes you think that you’re so perfect?
Resa: It’s because she’s skinny!
Kat: No, because she’s smart.
Tania: She’s perfect because she’s funny!
Iris: I think that Guinevere is perfect since she’s beautiful.
(Everyone starts arguing)
Guinevere: Stop the madness! (everyone stops and listens to her) Do you want to know why I’m perfect? Well, it’s because, it’s because I…it’s because-
(Everyone in the cafeteria leans in to hear)
Guinevere: I sit at home and drink nothing but tea.
(Complete and utter silence, except for crickets chirping)
Iris: But then-
Kat: All of our ideas-
Resa: Of perfection-
Tania: Are-
Everyone: Not perfect?!
End Act 3
Monday, October 31, 2011
Teen Satire by Jackie M.
As Sarah arrived home after band camp, she unpacked her things and pulled out the pregnancy test, which she had bought earlier that day, and ran to the bathroom. “Omg, this pregnancy test must be wrong, I can’t be pregnant!” cried Sarah from her bathroom. Sarah sat on her toilet thinking, “How could this be happening to me? I’m supposed to be the good girl, the invisible girl, the one who doesn’t get pregnant in high school.” Sarah cried to herself and thought about a way she was going to tell her parents. Here we are, in the city of Ridgeway, where an innocent teen in high school, Sarah, finds out that she is pregnant. That dinner, the topic of pregnancy coincidentally came up. “You wouldn’t do anything like that, right Sarah?” questioned Sarah’s dad. “Well… what if I did?” replied Sarah. “You’re not telling me you are, are you?” said Sarah’s dad. “Oh, you caught me, dad. I am pregnant!” said Sarah. “I guess we just have to put up with this.” said Mr. Woods.
The next day Sarah confronted Brandon, the guy who got her pregnant. Sarah said, “Look Brandon, what happened a few nights ago was really stupid of us and now we are expecting a child.” Brandon, shocked at what he was hearing, just stared at Sarah with a blank expression on his face. Everyone at school knew that Brandon was already having a serious relationship with Brittney Parks. Brandon was not the kind of guy who would stay committed to one girl. On the other hand, we have Ryan Mitchell who absolutely loves, adores, and stays faithful to one girl, which is Sarah. When Sarah told Ryan about the situation she was in, he responded quite calmly. Ryan said, “ I love you so much, and I don’t care if this baby is mine or not, I will stay by your side no matter what.” After getting through telling Ryan what was happening, Brittney Parks comes up to Sarah and says, “Hey! You mind telling me what you were doing having sex with MY boyfriend?” Sarah shocked and terrified of Brittney replied by saying, “I’m so sorry! He came onto me!” “Well it better not happen again, got that?” said Brittney fiercely. Sarah simply just nodded her head to avoid causing a scene.
As time past, Sarah is now 6 months into her pregnancy. Sarah still went to school even though she was always stared down and gossiped about. As the baby is on it’s way, Ryan feels that if Sarah and he would get married, it would solve all the problems. Ryan proposes to Sarah saying, “I know this baby is not mine, but I have grown closer to him and I really want to be his father. Sarah Woods, will you marry me so that we could raise this child together and live happily ever after?” Sarah shocked that Ryan was actually proposing to her just looked at him with bewildered eyes. “Ryan, I know your intentions are good, but Brandon is the father of my child, LOL, but thanks for the support!” said Sarah. The next day was just a bowl of awkward. Ryan was avoiding Sarah, Sarah was avoiding Brittney, and Brandon was on the look out for Sarah. During lunch, Brandon came up to Sarah and said, “Sarah, I know I haven’t been here helping you with your pregnancy, but I really want to be the father. I want to be a better father than my father had been to me.” Sarah smiled and said, “I’m glad that you have finally come around.” As Brandon and Sarah continue their conversation about their child, Ryan turns the corner and catches them laughing and hugging each other. Outraged by the occurrence that he had seen, went hunting for Brittney. He finally found her and said, “Brittney, I know you don’t know me well but we should have sex to make Brandon and Sarah jealous!” Brittney gave Ryan a smirk and said in a seducing voice, “I’ll see you tonight, my parents are not home and I have the whole house to myself.” Two of Sarah’s friends heard this and said, “Everyone is having sex! How come we aren’t having sex! Let’s all get together tonight so we can all have some fun”
A few weeks past and by then, about 90% of the girls at Ridgeway High was having sex. That lunch, Brittney came up to Ryan and announced that they were having a baby. At first, they were thinking of abortion. But then they realized they could use this child as “revenge” for when Sarah and Brandon hooked up. Sarah went up to Brittney and said, “OMG, we are pregnant together man! Yeah, soul sisters! I wonder who else wants to join our teen mom group!” Later that month, Sarah gave birth to a baby boy and named him John. By this time, Brandon and Sarah becomes a couple and they live together. As for Brittney and Ryan, Brittney had a miscarriage and the baby had died. Although Brittney and Ryan’s baby dies, they continue to have sex. Since Brandon and Sarah already had a child, they figured it would be best to avoid having sex and they worked on keeping their relationship exclusive. Although they tried to avoid having sex, they eventually got back into the temptations and began to have sex regularly. It was the last day of school and Brandon was graduating as the class valedictorian. When he went up to proclaim his speech, he called up Sarah and proposed to her. Sarah also had news for Brandon. Sarah was pregnant again! This time around, Brandon was more happy than shocked.
In the end, Sarah finishes up her last year of high school and decides to become a full time mother. Brandon goes to college and works for the family. Sarah and Brandon, Brittney and Ryan, and most of the other couples of Ridgeway High continue to have sex on a regular basis as if pregnancy was not an issue.
The next day Sarah confronted Brandon, the guy who got her pregnant. Sarah said, “Look Brandon, what happened a few nights ago was really stupid of us and now we are expecting a child.” Brandon, shocked at what he was hearing, just stared at Sarah with a blank expression on his face. Everyone at school knew that Brandon was already having a serious relationship with Brittney Parks. Brandon was not the kind of guy who would stay committed to one girl. On the other hand, we have Ryan Mitchell who absolutely loves, adores, and stays faithful to one girl, which is Sarah. When Sarah told Ryan about the situation she was in, he responded quite calmly. Ryan said, “ I love you so much, and I don’t care if this baby is mine or not, I will stay by your side no matter what.” After getting through telling Ryan what was happening, Brittney Parks comes up to Sarah and says, “Hey! You mind telling me what you were doing having sex with MY boyfriend?” Sarah shocked and terrified of Brittney replied by saying, “I’m so sorry! He came onto me!” “Well it better not happen again, got that?” said Brittney fiercely. Sarah simply just nodded her head to avoid causing a scene.
As time past, Sarah is now 6 months into her pregnancy. Sarah still went to school even though she was always stared down and gossiped about. As the baby is on it’s way, Ryan feels that if Sarah and he would get married, it would solve all the problems. Ryan proposes to Sarah saying, “I know this baby is not mine, but I have grown closer to him and I really want to be his father. Sarah Woods, will you marry me so that we could raise this child together and live happily ever after?” Sarah shocked that Ryan was actually proposing to her just looked at him with bewildered eyes. “Ryan, I know your intentions are good, but Brandon is the father of my child, LOL, but thanks for the support!” said Sarah. The next day was just a bowl of awkward. Ryan was avoiding Sarah, Sarah was avoiding Brittney, and Brandon was on the look out for Sarah. During lunch, Brandon came up to Sarah and said, “Sarah, I know I haven’t been here helping you with your pregnancy, but I really want to be the father. I want to be a better father than my father had been to me.” Sarah smiled and said, “I’m glad that you have finally come around.” As Brandon and Sarah continue their conversation about their child, Ryan turns the corner and catches them laughing and hugging each other. Outraged by the occurrence that he had seen, went hunting for Brittney. He finally found her and said, “Brittney, I know you don’t know me well but we should have sex to make Brandon and Sarah jealous!” Brittney gave Ryan a smirk and said in a seducing voice, “I’ll see you tonight, my parents are not home and I have the whole house to myself.” Two of Sarah’s friends heard this and said, “Everyone is having sex! How come we aren’t having sex! Let’s all get together tonight so we can all have some fun”
A few weeks past and by then, about 90% of the girls at Ridgeway High was having sex. That lunch, Brittney came up to Ryan and announced that they were having a baby. At first, they were thinking of abortion. But then they realized they could use this child as “revenge” for when Sarah and Brandon hooked up. Sarah went up to Brittney and said, “OMG, we are pregnant together man! Yeah, soul sisters! I wonder who else wants to join our teen mom group!” Later that month, Sarah gave birth to a baby boy and named him John. By this time, Brandon and Sarah becomes a couple and they live together. As for Brittney and Ryan, Brittney had a miscarriage and the baby had died. Although Brittney and Ryan’s baby dies, they continue to have sex. Since Brandon and Sarah already had a child, they figured it would be best to avoid having sex and they worked on keeping their relationship exclusive. Although they tried to avoid having sex, they eventually got back into the temptations and began to have sex regularly. It was the last day of school and Brandon was graduating as the class valedictorian. When he went up to proclaim his speech, he called up Sarah and proposed to her. Sarah also had news for Brandon. Sarah was pregnant again! This time around, Brandon was more happy than shocked.
In the end, Sarah finishes up her last year of high school and decides to become a full time mother. Brandon goes to college and works for the family. Sarah and Brandon, Brittney and Ryan, and most of the other couples of Ridgeway High continue to have sex on a regular basis as if pregnancy was not an issue.
Jersey "Miami" Shore by Ashley B.
There’s a show called the “Miami Shore” that airs on a popular television channel that many people watch which consists of four main characters drinking, swearing, fighting, having sex, clubbing etc. Earning more than a college graduate with a high end job, these people get paid hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars to do the stupidest of things that people usually discourage you from doing.
We begin with Snooki, a short chubby alcohol addicted 21 year old girl, Mike, a tall cocky hot-headed 25 year old, Sammi, a tall and fit drama 23 year old drama queen, and Ron, a muscular hot-headed stalky 24 year old. They all travel to the city of Miami, filled with many clubs and beaches. They all sign up for this tv show to have a good time, party, meet new people, and to get some fame from all of the viewers watching them. They all have something in common which is the excitement and anxiety to get drunk and do whatever they want, and getting paid for it all.
At the Miami club called “Drink” the strobe lights are flashing and the gallons of alcohol are being prepared. Mike and Ron always look for trouble by fist fighting any guy who looks at them. A guy accidentally bumps into Mike and Ron, so Mike and Ron immediately start a fight and punch him to show how dominant and strong they are. “Yo, Ronnie that guy over there was totally eye’in us out man”, yelled Mike, “I think we need to teach him a Miami side lesson”. In the corner at the bar, Snooki is getting very drunk and tripping on her own vomit and falling on the floor whenever she tries to take a step forward. “Woo, lets party everybody!”, screamed Snooki.
For the tenth time, Ron needs to use the bathroom so he asks the waitresses where it is, and Sammi starts yelling at him and accuses him of cheating on her. “Stop it Ron you’re cheating on me!”, cried Sammi. “Yo, whatever Sam I’m done Same, I’m done”, shouted Ron. And after all this is finished they leave the clubs, set aside all their differences and make up with eachother, and go back home at about 7 in the morning.
The next day, Snooki is totally hung over so she sleeps the entire day in her bed while Mike goes to work out a the gym and stare at himself ,a couple times in the mirror. So Sammi and Ron go to a restaurant to have a date together. They get a female waitress and order their food. “I’ll have the club sandwich with a diet-Coke”, said Sammi. “Umm, I can’t decide what to order, what do you recommend waitress”? asked Ron. Immediately, Sam gets up, slaps Ron in the face and tells him that their relationship is over. Sammi seems to have convinced herself that Ron and the waitress are having a secret relationship behind her back just because of Ron’s question.
When the manager finds Sam crying in the restaurant bathroom, he brings Ron to her and asks what the problem is. “Why are you guys fighting in my restaurant”? asked the manager. “Ron is totally cheating on me”! cried Sam. “No I never did Sam, I just asked the waitress for a recommendation, that’s all”! yelled Ron. “Really, you aren’t lying then right”? asked Sam. “No, I’m not lying to you Sam, you’re overreacting like always”! yelled Ron. Coming to a realization that Sam always overreacts on Ron, she starts crying apologizing to him.
Ending their fun filled summer at Miami, Ron and Mike injured majority of the males in Miami, Ron and Sam settled all their problems and decide to get married on the beach in Hawaii, Snooki surprisingly becomes an alcohol awareness spokeswoman. Snooki suddenly leaves Miami to pursue her new job, Sam and Ron run off to Hawaii for their wedding and honey moon, and Mike continues to work out and beat up guys in the club for accidental meaningless things. They all get their paychecks in the mail for their “hard work” that they did for the season. “Yay, more money for me”! screamed Snooki. “Aww yeah, I could use this money for our wedding bill”! exclaimed Ron. “Fantastic, now we have enough money to pay for our babies in the future Ron”! said Sammi. “Yes, more money for me to pay off that life time membership at the gym”! yelled Mike
We begin with Snooki, a short chubby alcohol addicted 21 year old girl, Mike, a tall cocky hot-headed 25 year old, Sammi, a tall and fit drama 23 year old drama queen, and Ron, a muscular hot-headed stalky 24 year old. They all travel to the city of Miami, filled with many clubs and beaches. They all sign up for this tv show to have a good time, party, meet new people, and to get some fame from all of the viewers watching them. They all have something in common which is the excitement and anxiety to get drunk and do whatever they want, and getting paid for it all.
At the Miami club called “Drink” the strobe lights are flashing and the gallons of alcohol are being prepared. Mike and Ron always look for trouble by fist fighting any guy who looks at them. A guy accidentally bumps into Mike and Ron, so Mike and Ron immediately start a fight and punch him to show how dominant and strong they are. “Yo, Ronnie that guy over there was totally eye’in us out man”, yelled Mike, “I think we need to teach him a Miami side lesson”. In the corner at the bar, Snooki is getting very drunk and tripping on her own vomit and falling on the floor whenever she tries to take a step forward. “Woo, lets party everybody!”, screamed Snooki.
For the tenth time, Ron needs to use the bathroom so he asks the waitresses where it is, and Sammi starts yelling at him and accuses him of cheating on her. “Stop it Ron you’re cheating on me!”, cried Sammi. “Yo, whatever Sam I’m done Same, I’m done”, shouted Ron. And after all this is finished they leave the clubs, set aside all their differences and make up with eachother, and go back home at about 7 in the morning.
The next day, Snooki is totally hung over so she sleeps the entire day in her bed while Mike goes to work out a the gym and stare at himself ,a couple times in the mirror. So Sammi and Ron go to a restaurant to have a date together. They get a female waitress and order their food. “I’ll have the club sandwich with a diet-Coke”, said Sammi. “Umm, I can’t decide what to order, what do you recommend waitress”? asked Ron. Immediately, Sam gets up, slaps Ron in the face and tells him that their relationship is over. Sammi seems to have convinced herself that Ron and the waitress are having a secret relationship behind her back just because of Ron’s question.
When the manager finds Sam crying in the restaurant bathroom, he brings Ron to her and asks what the problem is. “Why are you guys fighting in my restaurant”? asked the manager. “Ron is totally cheating on me”! cried Sam. “No I never did Sam, I just asked the waitress for a recommendation, that’s all”! yelled Ron. “Really, you aren’t lying then right”? asked Sam. “No, I’m not lying to you Sam, you’re overreacting like always”! yelled Ron. Coming to a realization that Sam always overreacts on Ron, she starts crying apologizing to him.
Ending their fun filled summer at Miami, Ron and Mike injured majority of the males in Miami, Ron and Sam settled all their problems and decide to get married on the beach in Hawaii, Snooki surprisingly becomes an alcohol awareness spokeswoman. Snooki suddenly leaves Miami to pursue her new job, Sam and Ron run off to Hawaii for their wedding and honey moon, and Mike continues to work out and beat up guys in the club for accidental meaningless things. They all get their paychecks in the mail for their “hard work” that they did for the season. “Yay, more money for me”! screamed Snooki. “Aww yeah, I could use this money for our wedding bill”! exclaimed Ron. “Fantastic, now we have enough money to pay for our babies in the future Ron”! said Sammi. “Yes, more money for me to pay off that life time membership at the gym”! yelled Mike
Teenagers and their Dumb Problems by Noel K.
Teenagers and their Dumb Problems
Kacee, a 14 year old girl, threw her 200 dollar cell phone at the wall in frustration because her boyfriend of a week hasn’t texted her back in an hour. She then proceeded to send an IM to her friend April “I am so depressed! I’m so sad because my boyfriend isn’t texting me back, maybe he hates me Maybe I said something wrong. Oh my god I just threw my phone at the wall and now the touch screen isn’t working right. WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD!” April proceeds to inform Kacee that she “got her back” and that they will go to the mall and discuss their very serious and complicated boy problems together.
Kacee decides to bring her 800-dollar Canon camera (which she only uses to take mirror pictures of herself to post on social networking sites) to the mall. Kacee and April take 200 pictures together at the mall making unappealing faces. She also complains about how her parents aren’t giving her more allowance, because 70 dollars a month simply isn’t enough to satisfy her needs. When Kacee purchases an ordinary ice cream cone, she MUST take a photo and post it to twitter right away, so everyone following her can know what a fabulous time she is having with her friend, eating ice cream. Not like anyone cares.
After the mall, Kacee opens up her Macbook Air and proceeds to go on a social networking site known as tumblr. She discovers that she has a new message in her inbox! What a thrill! She opens her inbox to find that it is a mean anonymous message. “ur so gross gurl I hate u, get a new face”. Kacee cries and calls April, sobbing about how sad she is, how hard her life is, and how Kacee is depressed. April is sick of Kacee’s attitude, and how spoiled she is. April says “Actually, depression is a lack of feeling, you’re not depressed, stop self diagnosing yourself.” Kacee yells at April about how bad of a friend she is, and cries alone because no one “understands her”.’
Kacee makes a blog post about all these happenings to get attention from her peers. She then drinks a sip of beer and makes yet another post about how she is “drunk” and “wasted” and how she is certainly a partier. Maybe people will like her more then. She reblogs unmoving love quotes and posts such as “I love when guys hug me from behind! <3333” Bing! She hears an alert from her phone meaning her boyfriend texted back! “Hey, I was just taking a nap, sorry I didn’t reply. Love you babe.” Everything is perfect and wonderful again, Kacee is the happiest girl ever!
The next day, Kacee goes to school and texts during every one of her classes, not taking in anything the teacher is saying. She gets an F on her test and complains about how the work is too hard. Another day of wasting her 12,000-dollar tuition! After school she spends 20 minutes taking a bunch of pictures with her friends on her Macbook, and uploads them on facebook, with lyrics from love songs as captions. Trying to be deep and inspirational. After all this Kacee pays 100 dollars just to get her nails painted with little Hello Kitty drawings on it. What an efficient and profitable way to spend your money!
Did anyone mention how hipster and fashionable Kacee happens to be? She wears crop tops and short shorts from well known brand names, but yells when people call her a “slut”. She also makes sure to have clownish multicolored feathers in her hair. On her feet she sports 50-dollar vans shoes. So original and hip! Kacee should win a trophy, even.
The next week, her boyfriend of 2 weeks breaks up with her via facebook IM. He says that they don’t have that “spark” anymore. Kacee cries for DAYS, telling her friends how she has no reason or will to live anymore. “This was the most serious and wonderful relationship I’ve had. I don’t know how I’m going to live without him anymore, why does God have to do this to me? Why is my life so hard?” Maybe someday Kacee will contemplate her life and realize how stupid she is.
Kacee, a 14 year old girl, threw her 200 dollar cell phone at the wall in frustration because her boyfriend of a week hasn’t texted her back in an hour. She then proceeded to send an IM to her friend April “I am so depressed! I’m so sad because my boyfriend isn’t texting me back, maybe he hates me Maybe I said something wrong. Oh my god I just threw my phone at the wall and now the touch screen isn’t working right. WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD!” April proceeds to inform Kacee that she “got her back” and that they will go to the mall and discuss their very serious and complicated boy problems together.
Kacee decides to bring her 800-dollar Canon camera (which she only uses to take mirror pictures of herself to post on social networking sites) to the mall. Kacee and April take 200 pictures together at the mall making unappealing faces. She also complains about how her parents aren’t giving her more allowance, because 70 dollars a month simply isn’t enough to satisfy her needs. When Kacee purchases an ordinary ice cream cone, she MUST take a photo and post it to twitter right away, so everyone following her can know what a fabulous time she is having with her friend, eating ice cream. Not like anyone cares.
After the mall, Kacee opens up her Macbook Air and proceeds to go on a social networking site known as tumblr. She discovers that she has a new message in her inbox! What a thrill! She opens her inbox to find that it is a mean anonymous message. “ur so gross gurl I hate u, get a new face”. Kacee cries and calls April, sobbing about how sad she is, how hard her life is, and how Kacee is depressed. April is sick of Kacee’s attitude, and how spoiled she is. April says “Actually, depression is a lack of feeling, you’re not depressed, stop self diagnosing yourself.” Kacee yells at April about how bad of a friend she is, and cries alone because no one “understands her”.’
Kacee makes a blog post about all these happenings to get attention from her peers. She then drinks a sip of beer and makes yet another post about how she is “drunk” and “wasted” and how she is certainly a partier. Maybe people will like her more then. She reblogs unmoving love quotes and posts such as “I love when guys hug me from behind! <3333” Bing! She hears an alert from her phone meaning her boyfriend texted back! “Hey, I was just taking a nap, sorry I didn’t reply. Love you babe.” Everything is perfect and wonderful again, Kacee is the happiest girl ever!
The next day, Kacee goes to school and texts during every one of her classes, not taking in anything the teacher is saying. She gets an F on her test and complains about how the work is too hard. Another day of wasting her 12,000-dollar tuition! After school she spends 20 minutes taking a bunch of pictures with her friends on her Macbook, and uploads them on facebook, with lyrics from love songs as captions. Trying to be deep and inspirational. After all this Kacee pays 100 dollars just to get her nails painted with little Hello Kitty drawings on it. What an efficient and profitable way to spend your money!
Did anyone mention how hipster and fashionable Kacee happens to be? She wears crop tops and short shorts from well known brand names, but yells when people call her a “slut”. She also makes sure to have clownish multicolored feathers in her hair. On her feet she sports 50-dollar vans shoes. So original and hip! Kacee should win a trophy, even.
The next week, her boyfriend of 2 weeks breaks up with her via facebook IM. He says that they don’t have that “spark” anymore. Kacee cries for DAYS, telling her friends how she has no reason or will to live anymore. “This was the most serious and wonderful relationship I’ve had. I don’t know how I’m going to live without him anymore, why does God have to do this to me? Why is my life so hard?” Maybe someday Kacee will contemplate her life and realize how stupid she is.
Teenagers and their Dumb Problems
Kacee, a 14 year old girl, threw her 200 dollar cell phone at the wall in frustration because her boyfriend of a week hasn’t texted her back in an hour. She then proceeded to send an IM to her friend April “I am so depressed! I’m so sad because my boyfriend isn’t texting me back, maybe he hates me Maybe I said something wrong. Oh my god I just threw my phone at the wall and now the touch screen isn’t working right. WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD!” April proceeds to inform Kacee that she “got her back” and that they will go to the mall and discuss their very serious and complicated boy problems together.
Kacee decides to bring her 800-dollar Canon camera (which she only uses to take mirror pictures of herself to post on social networking sites) to the mall. Kacee and April take 200 pictures together at the mall making unappealing faces. She also complains about how her parents aren’t giving her more allowance, because 70 dollars a month simply isn’t enough to satisfy her needs. When Kacee purchases an ordinary ice cream cone, she MUST take a photo and post it to twitter right away, so everyone following her can know what a fabulous time she is having with her friend, eating ice cream. Not like anyone cares.
After the mall, Kacee opens up her Macbook Air and proceeds to go on a social networking site known as tumblr. She discovers that she has a new message in her inbox! What a thrill! She opens her inbox to find that it is a mean anonymous message. “ur so gross gurl I hate u, get a new face”. Kacee cries and calls April, sobbing about how sad she is, how hard her life is, and how Kacee is depressed. April is sick of Kacee’s attitude, and how spoiled she is. April says “Actually, depression is a lack of feeling, you’re not depressed, stop self diagnosing yourself.” Kacee yells at April about how bad of a friend she is, and cries alone because no one “understands her”.’
Kacee makes a blog post about all these happenings to get attention from her peers. She then drinks a sip of beer and makes yet another post about how she is “drunk” and “wasted” and how she is certainly a partier. Maybe people will like her more then. She reblogs unmoving love quotes and posts such as “I love when guys hug me from behind! <3333” Bing! She hears an alert from her phone meaning her boyfriend texted back! “Hey, I was just taking a nap, sorry I didn’t reply. Love you babe.” Everything is perfect and wonderful again, Kacee is the happiest girl ever!
The next day, Kacee goes to school and texts during every one of her classes, not taking in anything the teacher is saying. She gets an F on her test and complains about how the work is too hard. Another day of wasting her 12,000-dollar tuition! After school she spends 20 minutes taking a bunch of pictures with her friends on her Macbook, and uploads them on facebook, with lyrics from love songs as captions. Trying to be deep and inspirational. After all this Kacee pays 100 dollars just to get her nails painted with little Hello Kitty drawings on it. What an efficient and profitable way to spend your money!
Did anyone mention how hipster and fashionable Kacee happens to be? She wears crop tops and short shorts from well known brand names, but yells when people call her a “slut”. She also makes sure to have clownish multicolored feathers in her hair. On her feet she sports 50-dollar vans shoes. So original and hip! Kacee should win a trophy, even.
The next week, her boyfriend of 2 weeks breaks up with her via facebook IM. He says that they don’t have that “spark” anymore. Kacee cries for DAYS, telling her friends how she has no reason or will to live anymore. “This was the most serious and wonderful relationship I’ve had. I don’t know how I’m going to live without him anymore, why does God have to do this to me? Why is my life so hard?” Maybe someday Kacee will contemplate her life and realize how stupid she is.
Kacee, a 14 year old girl, threw her 200 dollar cell phone at the wall in frustration because her boyfriend of a week hasn’t texted her back in an hour. She then proceeded to send an IM to her friend April “I am so depressed! I’m so sad because my boyfriend isn’t texting me back, maybe he hates me Maybe I said something wrong. Oh my god I just threw my phone at the wall and now the touch screen isn’t working right. WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD!” April proceeds to inform Kacee that she “got her back” and that they will go to the mall and discuss their very serious and complicated boy problems together.
Kacee decides to bring her 800-dollar Canon camera (which she only uses to take mirror pictures of herself to post on social networking sites) to the mall. Kacee and April take 200 pictures together at the mall making unappealing faces. She also complains about how her parents aren’t giving her more allowance, because 70 dollars a month simply isn’t enough to satisfy her needs. When Kacee purchases an ordinary ice cream cone, she MUST take a photo and post it to twitter right away, so everyone following her can know what a fabulous time she is having with her friend, eating ice cream. Not like anyone cares.
After the mall, Kacee opens up her Macbook Air and proceeds to go on a social networking site known as tumblr. She discovers that she has a new message in her inbox! What a thrill! She opens her inbox to find that it is a mean anonymous message. “ur so gross gurl I hate u, get a new face”. Kacee cries and calls April, sobbing about how sad she is, how hard her life is, and how Kacee is depressed. April is sick of Kacee’s attitude, and how spoiled she is. April says “Actually, depression is a lack of feeling, you’re not depressed, stop self diagnosing yourself.” Kacee yells at April about how bad of a friend she is, and cries alone because no one “understands her”.’
Kacee makes a blog post about all these happenings to get attention from her peers. She then drinks a sip of beer and makes yet another post about how she is “drunk” and “wasted” and how she is certainly a partier. Maybe people will like her more then. She reblogs unmoving love quotes and posts such as “I love when guys hug me from behind! <3333” Bing! She hears an alert from her phone meaning her boyfriend texted back! “Hey, I was just taking a nap, sorry I didn’t reply. Love you babe.” Everything is perfect and wonderful again, Kacee is the happiest girl ever!
The next day, Kacee goes to school and texts during every one of her classes, not taking in anything the teacher is saying. She gets an F on her test and complains about how the work is too hard. Another day of wasting her 12,000-dollar tuition! After school she spends 20 minutes taking a bunch of pictures with her friends on her Macbook, and uploads them on facebook, with lyrics from love songs as captions. Trying to be deep and inspirational. After all this Kacee pays 100 dollars just to get her nails painted with little Hello Kitty drawings on it. What an efficient and profitable way to spend your money!
Did anyone mention how hipster and fashionable Kacee happens to be? She wears crop tops and short shorts from well known brand names, but yells when people call her a “slut”. She also makes sure to have clownish multicolored feathers in her hair. On her feet she sports 50-dollar vans shoes. So original and hip! Kacee should win a trophy, even.
The next week, her boyfriend of 2 weeks breaks up with her via facebook IM. He says that they don’t have that “spark” anymore. Kacee cries for DAYS, telling her friends how she has no reason or will to live anymore. “This was the most serious and wonderful relationship I’ve had. I don’t know how I’m going to live without him anymore, why does God have to do this to me? Why is my life so hard?” Maybe someday Kacee will contemplate her life and realize how stupid she is.
Satire by Tiffany W.
In a place not so far from here or there was a boy walking down a road. This boy was the epitome of 'good looks' given by society. He fit the very description of brilliant blonde, wavy hair, shimmering blue eyes, tanned skin, tall body, and muscular build. It did not matter if his muscles were drawn on, they looked real enough. He had no flaws whatsoever in appearance, and that made him perfect because appearance and looks were the only thing that mattered of course.
It didn't matter if he was a complete idiot; a 16 year old that skipped classes and went to date girls. Nor did it matter if he flunked all his classes and partied every night. As long as he knew how to flick wavy golden hair, everything was fine. He got anything he wanted with a flash of his smile, and planned to marry a rich and pretty airhead when he grew up, to avoid doing any actual work. His looks could get him the majority of the opposite gender; rich airheads of the day, and they would be a perfect match in intelligence. This stupid, morally retarded, pretty-faced idiot was named Edwart Colon.
One day, as Edwart was walking down the same street, girls flanking him on each side, a talent-searcher, named Robutt Pettingsons was in town that day and saw Edwart's obvious talents in combing his hair. He decides to raise him to fame and glory because he had the very important talent of flipping medium length hair. Everyone voted for him because he had good taste in fashion and nice hair because that was all that mattered. He dropped out of school and started doing drugs, because that was the cool thing to do. He went into modeling and dealing drugs, so everyone loved him. Edwart slept around with many people, sometimes of both genders because he didn't know who he was sleeping with. He just knew it was cool, and he liked to do cool things.
As his face and name rose on to magazines and television, a recording company decided to make him a famous singer. It didn't matter if his singing sounded like a dying camel, they could just use autotune! Besides, people would focus too much on his face on the album cover than listen to the music. That way, the people could lazily produce strange works of music with no effort at all, and still get money!
The only strange thing that happened was that when Edwart went to a bar one night, he expected every girl to fling themselves on him. However, one girl in particular seemed to straight up have no interest in him at all! What a shocking discovery. “That girl must have some mental issues.” He said quietly to himself. The girl’s name was Kay-Lin Chang, and Edwart found out she was one of the ‘unpopular’ girls. Because she was unpopular, everyone bullied Kay-Lin. Edwart joined in. There was one more thing that was different: Kay-Lin did not even take the bullying like most unpopular people would. She seemed to be laughing at their insults, and fended for herself quite well. It was unsettling to Edwart, so he left the party immediately after.
Other than that, Edwart was having the time of his life. It was nothing less expected though. He got a really rich celebrity star as a date, and they won important awards such as most stylish attire, heaviest make-up, fabulous boots, and so on. However, what Edwart did not know what that this seemingly air-headed celebrity girl actually had some small level of intelligence! The celebrity girl, named Meggle Stew, was actually the sister of a man who was jealous of Edwart. The man, Jacow Stew, was not as rich as his sister, nor as pretty as Edwart. He sent his sister to go retrieve all Edwart's money and dump him after.
One night after a concert where they did not sing, only lip-synced to their autotuned record, Meggle confronted Edwart in their hotel suite.
"Dearest darlingest Edwart-pie-potatoes, I, Meggle Stew, like, think that you performed like fantabulous tonight, because you have like, money, and you're like, so hot, so nothing else like matters!" she squealed out in her signature high pitched annoying voice.
"Gee like, thanks my dearest darlingest Matilda!" He responded back with a goofy smile.
"It's Meggle, Edwart-potato-pie." She retorted, still with a big, red-lipped smile on her face. Her eyes squinted into slits because all the heavy make-up pushed up her cheeks when she smiled.
"Okay Malibu!" He gave another grin. Meggle just sighed and shook her head before recovering her previous composure.
"Anyway like, how did you think I did?" Meggle eased closer and batted her eyes about 30 times until she got dizzy herself. Her ridiculous lime-green feathered dress, taking up nearly half the room, shook and flopped in all directions as she tried to find the ground and stand up. Failing to do so, she gave up and continued to bat more lashes.
"Well of course, you could only do like, amazingtastic! You were like the prettiest girl on stage! Granted you stayed in one spot because your dress like, didn't let you move." Edwart returned her lashes with some of his own.
"I was the only girl on the stage." Meggle grimaced, but changed her expression back into a fake smile. "Well, like, my dress is too fabulous-tastic to move it on stage." She rolled her eyes, flipping her highlighted auburn ringlets back.
"I was just wondering, like, do you wanna like give all your money to me so I can show off to the world how rich and like, totally fashionable you are?” She flicked her hair back a couple more times and gave him her best eye-squinting, nose-wrinkling, nostril-flaring smile she could manage. Edwart, as clueless as he was, hugged her tightly and nodded his head.
“Of course! I’ll give you anything you wanted!” Edwart gazed into her shining brown eyes and signed the form that handed over all this money to Megle. The moment the form was in her hands, she immediately tore off the bottom half of the lime green skirt, kicked away Edwart and marched out of the room.
“Ouch! That really hurt!” Edwart rubbed his forehead. Jimmy Choos to the face were not things one would ever want to experience. “What was that for? Hey! Where are you going?” He was not used to being treated this way. Confusion cross his face as she walked out on him.
A moment later, two security guards came into the room and dragged Edwart out of the room by his feet. They hauled him downstairs and left him outside the hotel at night. Since he had been kicked out, Edwart had no where to go. He was 5 states away from home, and the alcohol he drank earlier that night was starting to get to him. Luckily for him, fangirls and fanboys from all around who were stalking him rushed out and dragged him to a party at one person’s house.
From there he decided to have a good time and got completely wasted. His actions while drunk were recorded and placed onto the internet, where it then became a viral video for millions all over the world to see. His reputation was ruined, he lost his job, and the overdose of drugs and alcohol turned his face ugly. The Edwart now had no fans, no home, and no one that would acknowledge him as the beautiful person all over the city’s billboards.
What happened to Edwart was everyone’s worst nightmare: he became unpopular. For the first time in his life he was the one in the corner hiding from everyone and getting bullied. He began to regret what he did to unpopular people back when he was a celebrity. His thoughts came back to Kay-Lin, the strange unpopular girl he had met back in his popular days. How could she handle being unpopular? This is the worst! But she didn’t even seem fazed by it… what does fazed even mean? I just heard smart people say that word a lot… His thoughts trailed on as he made his way to find the next shelter he could spend the night in. A bar up ahead flashed neon colours. “Maybe I should just get drunk and forget it all” he thought aloud.
Once in the bar, Edwart remembered this was the same bar he had seen Kay-Lin in. Unsurprisingly, she was there in the corner this time as well. Wanting to find out how she managed to cope with being shunned by nearly everyone in the bar, Edwart walked up to her, avoiding being jostled by the crowd.
“Well look who’s here? Isn’t that a surprise?” Kay-Lin sneered. “Looks like Mr. Popular isn’t so popular anymore is he?” She continued taunting him, just the way he used to taunt her, until Edwart had enough and threw a tantrum.
“What an unsightly little boy. You’re as immature and ridiculous as can be. I guess that’s what all air-headed celebrities are like, even ones cast out by their own kind.” She lifted her chin, looking down on Edwart. He didn’t understand a lot of the big words she used, but he got the general idea of what Kay-Lin was saying.
“Okay, okay I get it. I know I’ve been a jerk and all but I think I finally understand what it’s like being shunned by everyone. But how can you stand it?” Edwart pouted and crossed his arms.
“Wow, the airhead is finally coming to his senses eh? Look ‘Edwart Colon’,” Kay-Lin cross her arms as well, except she took on a more authoritative stance. “Not everything is about popularity, or being liked by everyone by your status in society. You gotta learn the important things in life, like friendship and true love. You gotta learn to be intelligent and wise. Looks aren’t everything; they change. They aren’t permanent. Talent stays. You have absolutely no talent at all, so once your looks and fame fail you, then you got nothin’ to keep you famous.
“You wanna know how I get through it all? Well guess what, I actually have friends. Is that word new to you? I could care less about being popular. Popularity and fashion mean nothing to me. Life is about having fun and living it to the fullest. You cannot do that if you do not have friends or true love. The so called ‘love’ that you think you felt from your previous fans, is fake. They are infatuated with you based on your looks and popularity. Real friends are friends because they love each other for who they are inside, regardless of how they appear.”
As Kay-Lin finished her lecture, Edwart attempted to process all the information that entered his tiny little brain. He began to realize that life was not about popularity and good looks.
“Hey, could you maybe teach me to think like you? To have… friends?” Edwart gave Kay-Lin a pleading look. For a moment they both were silent. Then all of a sudden Kay-Lin burst out laughing. She doubled over, unable to contain her laughter.
“Me? Te-haha-teach you? How to ha-haha-ve friends? Oh that’s a likely story indeed-haha, very funny. Good one Edwart.” She snickered. Edwart frowned and stomped his feet. “Come on, give me a chance. I really feel like I can change.” He begged. Kay-Lin raised an eyebrow, skeptical. “Oh you’re serious? Dude, you have NO HOPE of changing.” She retorted. After further persuasion and begging, she finally gave in. “Fine, I’ll give you one chance. Hang around me and my buddies. I’m sure you’ll learn a thing or two about friendship.” She consented.
From then on, Edwart observed and followed along Kay-Lin and her ways with her friends. He began to finally learn what he had been missing. The ideas of popularity and appearance soon left his mind. After a few months, Edwart and Kay-Lin became somewhat okay friends. Kay-Lin was very proud of her work. She finally got him to see the beautiful things in life, the things that counted. On the one final day where she confronted him and asked him how he saw things, Edwart replied confidently and with a big smile plastered to his face.
“Thank you so much for teaching me the true meaning to life. I now understand that stuff such as appearances and looks don’t make you popular. That’s not the stuff that matters, and that’s not the stuff that will get you successful in life.” Edwart paused. Kay-Lin waited for the moment, excited at his next words. “I’ve realized, that the most important thing in life… is money!”
Everything fell apart for Kay-Lin. “You. Are. Hopeless! The most idiotic being I have ever met!” And from then on, Kay-Lin abandoned Edwart as well. He ended up living a short life with false ideals in his mind, while Kay-Lin soon rose to fame years later as a world-famous scientist and surgeon. The celebrities rose and fell, but Kay-Lin had a stable income until she retired with more money in the bank than those celebrities ever had.
It didn't matter if he was a complete idiot; a 16 year old that skipped classes and went to date girls. Nor did it matter if he flunked all his classes and partied every night. As long as he knew how to flick wavy golden hair, everything was fine. He got anything he wanted with a flash of his smile, and planned to marry a rich and pretty airhead when he grew up, to avoid doing any actual work. His looks could get him the majority of the opposite gender; rich airheads of the day, and they would be a perfect match in intelligence. This stupid, morally retarded, pretty-faced idiot was named Edwart Colon.
One day, as Edwart was walking down the same street, girls flanking him on each side, a talent-searcher, named Robutt Pettingsons was in town that day and saw Edwart's obvious talents in combing his hair. He decides to raise him to fame and glory because he had the very important talent of flipping medium length hair. Everyone voted for him because he had good taste in fashion and nice hair because that was all that mattered. He dropped out of school and started doing drugs, because that was the cool thing to do. He went into modeling and dealing drugs, so everyone loved him. Edwart slept around with many people, sometimes of both genders because he didn't know who he was sleeping with. He just knew it was cool, and he liked to do cool things.
As his face and name rose on to magazines and television, a recording company decided to make him a famous singer. It didn't matter if his singing sounded like a dying camel, they could just use autotune! Besides, people would focus too much on his face on the album cover than listen to the music. That way, the people could lazily produce strange works of music with no effort at all, and still get money!
The only strange thing that happened was that when Edwart went to a bar one night, he expected every girl to fling themselves on him. However, one girl in particular seemed to straight up have no interest in him at all! What a shocking discovery. “That girl must have some mental issues.” He said quietly to himself. The girl’s name was Kay-Lin Chang, and Edwart found out she was one of the ‘unpopular’ girls. Because she was unpopular, everyone bullied Kay-Lin. Edwart joined in. There was one more thing that was different: Kay-Lin did not even take the bullying like most unpopular people would. She seemed to be laughing at their insults, and fended for herself quite well. It was unsettling to Edwart, so he left the party immediately after.
Other than that, Edwart was having the time of his life. It was nothing less expected though. He got a really rich celebrity star as a date, and they won important awards such as most stylish attire, heaviest make-up, fabulous boots, and so on. However, what Edwart did not know what that this seemingly air-headed celebrity girl actually had some small level of intelligence! The celebrity girl, named Meggle Stew, was actually the sister of a man who was jealous of Edwart. The man, Jacow Stew, was not as rich as his sister, nor as pretty as Edwart. He sent his sister to go retrieve all Edwart's money and dump him after.
One night after a concert where they did not sing, only lip-synced to their autotuned record, Meggle confronted Edwart in their hotel suite.
"Dearest darlingest Edwart-pie-potatoes, I, Meggle Stew, like, think that you performed like fantabulous tonight, because you have like, money, and you're like, so hot, so nothing else like matters!" she squealed out in her signature high pitched annoying voice.
"Gee like, thanks my dearest darlingest Matilda!" He responded back with a goofy smile.
"It's Meggle, Edwart-potato-pie." She retorted, still with a big, red-lipped smile on her face. Her eyes squinted into slits because all the heavy make-up pushed up her cheeks when she smiled.
"Okay Malibu!" He gave another grin. Meggle just sighed and shook her head before recovering her previous composure.
"Anyway like, how did you think I did?" Meggle eased closer and batted her eyes about 30 times until she got dizzy herself. Her ridiculous lime-green feathered dress, taking up nearly half the room, shook and flopped in all directions as she tried to find the ground and stand up. Failing to do so, she gave up and continued to bat more lashes.
"Well of course, you could only do like, amazingtastic! You were like the prettiest girl on stage! Granted you stayed in one spot because your dress like, didn't let you move." Edwart returned her lashes with some of his own.
"I was the only girl on the stage." Meggle grimaced, but changed her expression back into a fake smile. "Well, like, my dress is too fabulous-tastic to move it on stage." She rolled her eyes, flipping her highlighted auburn ringlets back.
"I was just wondering, like, do you wanna like give all your money to me so I can show off to the world how rich and like, totally fashionable you are?” She flicked her hair back a couple more times and gave him her best eye-squinting, nose-wrinkling, nostril-flaring smile she could manage. Edwart, as clueless as he was, hugged her tightly and nodded his head.
“Of course! I’ll give you anything you wanted!” Edwart gazed into her shining brown eyes and signed the form that handed over all this money to Megle. The moment the form was in her hands, she immediately tore off the bottom half of the lime green skirt, kicked away Edwart and marched out of the room.
“Ouch! That really hurt!” Edwart rubbed his forehead. Jimmy Choos to the face were not things one would ever want to experience. “What was that for? Hey! Where are you going?” He was not used to being treated this way. Confusion cross his face as she walked out on him.
A moment later, two security guards came into the room and dragged Edwart out of the room by his feet. They hauled him downstairs and left him outside the hotel at night. Since he had been kicked out, Edwart had no where to go. He was 5 states away from home, and the alcohol he drank earlier that night was starting to get to him. Luckily for him, fangirls and fanboys from all around who were stalking him rushed out and dragged him to a party at one person’s house.
From there he decided to have a good time and got completely wasted. His actions while drunk were recorded and placed onto the internet, where it then became a viral video for millions all over the world to see. His reputation was ruined, he lost his job, and the overdose of drugs and alcohol turned his face ugly. The Edwart now had no fans, no home, and no one that would acknowledge him as the beautiful person all over the city’s billboards.
What happened to Edwart was everyone’s worst nightmare: he became unpopular. For the first time in his life he was the one in the corner hiding from everyone and getting bullied. He began to regret what he did to unpopular people back when he was a celebrity. His thoughts came back to Kay-Lin, the strange unpopular girl he had met back in his popular days. How could she handle being unpopular? This is the worst! But she didn’t even seem fazed by it… what does fazed even mean? I just heard smart people say that word a lot… His thoughts trailed on as he made his way to find the next shelter he could spend the night in. A bar up ahead flashed neon colours. “Maybe I should just get drunk and forget it all” he thought aloud.
Once in the bar, Edwart remembered this was the same bar he had seen Kay-Lin in. Unsurprisingly, she was there in the corner this time as well. Wanting to find out how she managed to cope with being shunned by nearly everyone in the bar, Edwart walked up to her, avoiding being jostled by the crowd.
“Well look who’s here? Isn’t that a surprise?” Kay-Lin sneered. “Looks like Mr. Popular isn’t so popular anymore is he?” She continued taunting him, just the way he used to taunt her, until Edwart had enough and threw a tantrum.
“What an unsightly little boy. You’re as immature and ridiculous as can be. I guess that’s what all air-headed celebrities are like, even ones cast out by their own kind.” She lifted her chin, looking down on Edwart. He didn’t understand a lot of the big words she used, but he got the general idea of what Kay-Lin was saying.
“Okay, okay I get it. I know I’ve been a jerk and all but I think I finally understand what it’s like being shunned by everyone. But how can you stand it?” Edwart pouted and crossed his arms.
“Wow, the airhead is finally coming to his senses eh? Look ‘Edwart Colon’,” Kay-Lin cross her arms as well, except she took on a more authoritative stance. “Not everything is about popularity, or being liked by everyone by your status in society. You gotta learn the important things in life, like friendship and true love. You gotta learn to be intelligent and wise. Looks aren’t everything; they change. They aren’t permanent. Talent stays. You have absolutely no talent at all, so once your looks and fame fail you, then you got nothin’ to keep you famous.
“You wanna know how I get through it all? Well guess what, I actually have friends. Is that word new to you? I could care less about being popular. Popularity and fashion mean nothing to me. Life is about having fun and living it to the fullest. You cannot do that if you do not have friends or true love. The so called ‘love’ that you think you felt from your previous fans, is fake. They are infatuated with you based on your looks and popularity. Real friends are friends because they love each other for who they are inside, regardless of how they appear.”
As Kay-Lin finished her lecture, Edwart attempted to process all the information that entered his tiny little brain. He began to realize that life was not about popularity and good looks.
“Hey, could you maybe teach me to think like you? To have… friends?” Edwart gave Kay-Lin a pleading look. For a moment they both were silent. Then all of a sudden Kay-Lin burst out laughing. She doubled over, unable to contain her laughter.
“Me? Te-haha-teach you? How to ha-haha-ve friends? Oh that’s a likely story indeed-haha, very funny. Good one Edwart.” She snickered. Edwart frowned and stomped his feet. “Come on, give me a chance. I really feel like I can change.” He begged. Kay-Lin raised an eyebrow, skeptical. “Oh you’re serious? Dude, you have NO HOPE of changing.” She retorted. After further persuasion and begging, she finally gave in. “Fine, I’ll give you one chance. Hang around me and my buddies. I’m sure you’ll learn a thing or two about friendship.” She consented.
From then on, Edwart observed and followed along Kay-Lin and her ways with her friends. He began to finally learn what he had been missing. The ideas of popularity and appearance soon left his mind. After a few months, Edwart and Kay-Lin became somewhat okay friends. Kay-Lin was very proud of her work. She finally got him to see the beautiful things in life, the things that counted. On the one final day where she confronted him and asked him how he saw things, Edwart replied confidently and with a big smile plastered to his face.
“Thank you so much for teaching me the true meaning to life. I now understand that stuff such as appearances and looks don’t make you popular. That’s not the stuff that matters, and that’s not the stuff that will get you successful in life.” Edwart paused. Kay-Lin waited for the moment, excited at his next words. “I’ve realized, that the most important thing in life… is money!”
Everything fell apart for Kay-Lin. “You. Are. Hopeless! The most idiotic being I have ever met!” And from then on, Kay-Lin abandoned Edwart as well. He ended up living a short life with false ideals in his mind, while Kay-Lin soon rose to fame years later as a world-famous scientist and surgeon. The celebrities rose and fell, but Kay-Lin had a stable income until she retired with more money in the bank than those celebrities ever had.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Naval Criminal Investigative Service Satire by Lynse C.
Naval Criminal Investigative Service Satire
NCIS Team:
Boss: Leroy Jethro Tibbs: (L.J. Tibbs, Tibbs, Boss)
Special Agent: Lisa David
Special Agent: Tommy DiNozzo: (Dinozzo, Very Special Agent Tommy Dinozzo)
Special Agent: Timothy McGregor: (McGregor, Probie)
Medical Examiner: Dr. Mallard: (Ducky, Duck)
Assistant to Medical Examiner: Jimmy Palmer: (Palmer, Mr. Palmer)
Forensic Scientist: Abby Sciuto: (Abbs)
Scene 1: NCIS Headquarters, Virginia, December 14, 2008
Elevator opens as Special Agent Tommy walks in to the NCIS squad room. Agents Lisa and McGregor are already seated at their desks.
Agent Tommy: Good morning Lisa, McGregor
Agent Lisa: Aren’t you in a good mood, Tommy.
Agent McGregor: I suppose your date must have gone well...
Agent Tommy: Why yes it did. I pleased her with my ability to please.
Head/Boss Agent L.J. Tibbs swiftly walks down the main staircase and approaches the threesome.
L.J. Tibbs: (Walks in front of Tommy’s desk and makes eye contact with him) I hope I’ll be pleased too DiNozzo (reference to Agent Tommy).
Agent Tommy: I will do my best boss.
L.J. Tibbs: Gear up, dead commander.
(Lisa, Tommy, and McGregor grab their gun, badge, and backpack and hurriedly follow after Tibbs into the elevator.)
Scene 2: In the elevator: Tibbs, Lisa, Tommy, McGregor
Agent Lisa: I’m driving
Agent Tommy: (Immediately says) I call shotgun. Enjoy the backseat probie (reference to agent McGregor).
Agent McGregor: (rolls his eyes)
Scene 3: Gulliver Road (Crime Scene)
A dented’64 Triumph is on the right side of the road. Dead male body inside the driver’s seat. Agents Lisa, Tommy, McGregor get out of car slightly after L.J. Tibbs climbs out of his car. All four are waiting for the Medical Examiner Dr. Mallard, often referred to as “Ducky” or “Duck” and his assistant, Jimmy Palmer.
Agent Tibbs: Where’s Ducky?
Agent Lisa: I suppose Palmer is driving.
Ducky and Palmer arrive in the Medical Examiner truck.
Ducky: (Annoyed Ducky climbs out of Passenger seat). Sorry Jethro, (reference to Leroy Jethro Tibbs) Mr. Palmer got us lost…again.
Palmer: (Tibbs glares at Palmer and Palmer stutters.) S..S..Sorry…my navigating abilities are not that great.
Lisa and Tommy get evidence equipment out of the back of the Medical Examiner Truck. Lisa and Tommy Take pictures of the car, body, setting at the crime scene, and evidence found. Agent McGregor scans the victim’s fingerprint on an Advanced Handheld Fingerprint Device and Personal Information System (AHFDPIS)
McGregor: Okay, I ran his print through AHFDPIS and he is Combat Veteran Lieutenant Commander Darby Garson. He was on his way to work this morning and he works as a Prosthetics buyer for the Navy. I also found a prosthetic arm in the trunk of the car.
Tibbs: Call Ducky over to take a look at it. Good work McGregor.
(Lisa is analyzing the crime scene with Tommy)
Lisa: I don’t understand, even though it snowed last night, the road is not so bad, but there are no skid marks. I wonder why he didn’t use his brakes.
Tommy: We’ll have Abby check them for tampering.
Lisa: (Hunched over on the side of the road, next to the vehicle. Tibbs walks over) Take a look at this Tibbs, a fresh pair of footprints in the snow.
Tibbs: Take a picture of it with the Instant Imprint Camera, so we can get it back to the lab to be analyzed. (Lisa takes pictures with the Instant Imprint Camera). T.O.D. [Time of Death] Duck?
Ducky: About 3-5 hours
McGregor: Tibbs, I found Garson’s cell phone beneath his car seat. His last call was at 10:04:26 P.M. His last phone call was with an Ashley Winter. (Tibbs impatiently stares at McGregor.) Okay, right, I’m on it boss.
Body is loaded into the back of the M.E. Truck and the car is towed back to the NCIS garage.
Scene 4: Abby’s Lab
Abby has her loud upbeat music blasting form her speakers as Tibbs and McGregor enter her lab.
Tibbs: Abbs! Turn it down!
Abby: (Abby is hyper because she drank a lot of Paf- Cow and talking fast. She immediately runs up to him to give him a hug and turns off her music.) Sorry Tibbs, I think I had too much Paf-Cow. Who knew it had so much caffeine? I mean seriously, there should be a warning or something. Like maybe on the side of the cup, but no one reads a cup… so they should put a warning on the machine to tell the people that 12 refills are too much. (Slurps Paf-Cow drink) Do you want some Tibbs?
Tibbs: No thanks, whaddya got?
Abby: Oh right, the case. Well, the foot imprint that Lisa found in the snow is an Oxford, size 10 men’s shoe. I ran the license plate and registration and the old Triumph and it does not belong to Garson. It is actually owned by a Lars Hauer. I ran a check and it appears that at one time, Lars Hauer and Garson were in a business together.
Tibbs: (Tibbs hands Abby another Paf-Cow drink) Great work Abbs.
Abby: Thank you Tibbs! Bye McGregor!
McGregor: (Tibbs and McGregor walk out of the lab) Wow, I haven’t seen Abby that hyper since last Christmas, when Santa Claus was interrogated and she ran up to ask him if she was on his “nice list.”
Scene 5: Autopsy
Tibbs walks into Autopsy as Ducky and Palmer are conducting autopsy on Garson.
Ducky: Hello Jethro (reference to Tibbs). I have found something quite amusing here.
The prosthetic arm that was found in the trunk of the car does not seem to fit Garson. (Ducky tries to match up the prosthetic arm to Garson’s body, but it does not fit right). I suggest you talk to his physical therapist. His name is Ricky Roma.
Tibbs: Is that all?
Palmer: We also discovered that Garson died from a massive brain hemorrhage.
Tibbs: Thanks for the update.
Ducky: No problem Jethro.
Scene 6: DELFOR offices (DELFOR is a prosthetic limb manufacturer.)
Ricky Roma is arguing with a man in a wheelchair. The argument ends abruptly as the disabled man hurriedly leaves Tibbs walks in to the office.
Tibbs: NCIS, (shows Roma his badge) dory if I’m interrupting.
Roma: No, no, that was just a disgruntled ex-client. Why, what can I do for you?
Tibbs: His name? (referring to the man in the wheel chair that left)
Roma: Who, you mean Ballentine? What is this all about?
Tibbs: Tell me about Ballentine.
Roma: Oh, Ballentine is just one of those guys who is never satisfied and likes to complain a lot. It’s really not a big deal. Will you please tell me why you are here?
Tibbs: Do you know a Lt. Commander Garson?
Roma: Yes, he’s another ex-client.
Tibbs: Did you know he died in a car crash this morning? (Roma sits down in his chair) We found his prosthetic arm in the trunk of his car. (Tibbs shows the prosthetic arm to Roma) Is it one of yours? (Roma stares and does not respond.)
Roma: (He finally takes the prosthetic arm and inspects it. He suddenly looks relieved). This is indeed one of our DELFOR’s but it’s not Garson’s. Too small. Besides, Garson stopped wearing DELFOR’s.
Tibbs: Why’d he stop?
Roma: Not sure. We were trying to convince Garson to switch from BioDage to DELFOR. He is in charge of procuring new prosthetics for the Navy. He tried out our arm for a while, but then seemed to lose interest with no explanation.
Tibbs: Thank you for your help. (Tibbs starts to leave)
Roma: Mm hmm.
Scene 7: Supercuts Hair Salon
Lisa, Tommy, and Tibbs approach Ballentine while he cutting a woman’s hair.
Tibbs: Looks like you are recovering well, soldier.
Ballentine: I guess so, for a guy with no legs.
Tibbs: (He shows Ballentine his badge and flashes a sympathetic smile) Do you mind if we ask about your argument with Roma in his office?
Ballentine: (Still cutting the woman’s hair) All I wanted was some kind of compensation for being a failed guinea pig for DELFOR.
Lisa: Why, what happened?
Ballentine: Their skimpy copper fittings gave out. I fell really hard (sharply cuts the woman’s bangs), causing a fracture in my other leg so bad that it too, had to be amputated. I really like my new job here. We give quality haircuts here. Have gained some sense of pride that DELFOR stole from me.
Tommy: Thank you for your help.
Ballentne: No problem. (Tibbs, Lisa, and Tommy head back to NCIS Headquarters.)
Scene 8: Ashley Winter’s house
McGregor and Winter are sitting on the couch drinking egg nog.
McGregor: Thank you for this delicious egg nog.
Winter: (Tearfully sobbing) You’re welcome. It’s a recipe passed down from my great grandmother. It is my fault that Garson is dead.
McGregor: Well, at least he died instantly. It wasn’t a long painful death at least.
Winter: (Sobbing even more) That’s not really helping Mr. McGregor.
McGregor: Oh..sorry…ehhh…
Winter: The last thing I said to him was, ‘I hate you.’ Then I heard a loud noise and his phone went dead. This is all my fault!
McGregor: (Gently asks) May I ask what the argument was about?
Winter: (Looks at him hesitantly with red teary eyes) Garson and I had an affair during my junior year in high school. My son will turn 7 next month, and he’s never met his father. (Sobbs louder) Garson insisted that he was not his child, but I know he is. My son’s forehead and nose are exactly like his! All I ever wanted was a little child support, but when I threatened to go to Garson’s superiors, he…he beat me. I honestly don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have Johnny’s shoulder to cry on.
McGregor: Who?
Winter: Johnny Ballentine. We met at a Supercuts in Norfolk. He’s a guy in a wheelchair that cuts my hair. We became instant friends after I happened to mention Garson’s name. Johnny had his own problems with Garson. He even blames Garson for the loss of one of his legs. Johnny truly cares, especially after I told him about the beatings. (McGregor’s eyes widen)
McGregor: Thank you for your assistance. You have been a really big help.
McGregor quickly drives to NCIS Headquarters.
Scene 9: NCIS Headquarters.
Lisa, Tibbs, and Tommy are sitting at their desks as McGregor walks in.
McGregor: Guys, I spoke to Ashley Winter and she said that she knew Johnny. (Tibb’s phone rings and he picks up)
Tibbs: Abby said that Garson’s brake lines were eaten up by Nitric Acid. To make Nitric Acid, you can use Hydrochloric acid, Nitric salt, and copper fittings.
Tommy: Copper fittings from a broken prosthetic leg!
Lisa: So it was Ballentine! He wanted us to think that it was the car crash that killed Garson.
Tibbs, McGregor, Tommy, and Lisa rush to Supercuts.
Scene 10: Supercuts
Ballentine is in his wheelchair heading towards the Handicap Bus in the parking lot.
McGregor: There he is! (Points to Ballentine quickly rolling his wheelchair. The NCIS team run after him)
Tibbs: NCIS, stop rolling Ballentine! (Ballentine keeps rolling but his left wheel chair wheel gets caught in a pothole)
Lisa: You are under arrest for the murder of Darby Garson.
Ballentine: Awww…I was so close to rolling away.
Ballentine was eventually prosecuted on first degree murder charges.
NCIS Team:
Boss: Leroy Jethro Tibbs: (L.J. Tibbs, Tibbs, Boss)
Special Agent: Lisa David
Special Agent: Tommy DiNozzo: (Dinozzo, Very Special Agent Tommy Dinozzo)
Special Agent: Timothy McGregor: (McGregor, Probie)
Medical Examiner: Dr. Mallard: (Ducky, Duck)
Assistant to Medical Examiner: Jimmy Palmer: (Palmer, Mr. Palmer)
Forensic Scientist: Abby Sciuto: (Abbs)
Scene 1: NCIS Headquarters, Virginia, December 14, 2008
Elevator opens as Special Agent Tommy walks in to the NCIS squad room. Agents Lisa and McGregor are already seated at their desks.
Agent Tommy: Good morning Lisa, McGregor
Agent Lisa: Aren’t you in a good mood, Tommy.
Agent McGregor: I suppose your date must have gone well...
Agent Tommy: Why yes it did. I pleased her with my ability to please.
Head/Boss Agent L.J. Tibbs swiftly walks down the main staircase and approaches the threesome.
L.J. Tibbs: (Walks in front of Tommy’s desk and makes eye contact with him) I hope I’ll be pleased too DiNozzo (reference to Agent Tommy).
Agent Tommy: I will do my best boss.
L.J. Tibbs: Gear up, dead commander.
(Lisa, Tommy, and McGregor grab their gun, badge, and backpack and hurriedly follow after Tibbs into the elevator.)
Scene 2: In the elevator: Tibbs, Lisa, Tommy, McGregor
Agent Lisa: I’m driving
Agent Tommy: (Immediately says) I call shotgun. Enjoy the backseat probie (reference to agent McGregor).
Agent McGregor: (rolls his eyes)
Scene 3: Gulliver Road (Crime Scene)
A dented’64 Triumph is on the right side of the road. Dead male body inside the driver’s seat. Agents Lisa, Tommy, McGregor get out of car slightly after L.J. Tibbs climbs out of his car. All four are waiting for the Medical Examiner Dr. Mallard, often referred to as “Ducky” or “Duck” and his assistant, Jimmy Palmer.
Agent Tibbs: Where’s Ducky?
Agent Lisa: I suppose Palmer is driving.
Ducky and Palmer arrive in the Medical Examiner truck.
Ducky: (Annoyed Ducky climbs out of Passenger seat). Sorry Jethro, (reference to Leroy Jethro Tibbs) Mr. Palmer got us lost…again.
Palmer: (Tibbs glares at Palmer and Palmer stutters.) S..S..Sorry…my navigating abilities are not that great.
Lisa and Tommy get evidence equipment out of the back of the Medical Examiner Truck. Lisa and Tommy Take pictures of the car, body, setting at the crime scene, and evidence found. Agent McGregor scans the victim’s fingerprint on an Advanced Handheld Fingerprint Device and Personal Information System (AHFDPIS)
McGregor: Okay, I ran his print through AHFDPIS and he is Combat Veteran Lieutenant Commander Darby Garson. He was on his way to work this morning and he works as a Prosthetics buyer for the Navy. I also found a prosthetic arm in the trunk of the car.
Tibbs: Call Ducky over to take a look at it. Good work McGregor.
(Lisa is analyzing the crime scene with Tommy)
Lisa: I don’t understand, even though it snowed last night, the road is not so bad, but there are no skid marks. I wonder why he didn’t use his brakes.
Tommy: We’ll have Abby check them for tampering.
Lisa: (Hunched over on the side of the road, next to the vehicle. Tibbs walks over) Take a look at this Tibbs, a fresh pair of footprints in the snow.
Tibbs: Take a picture of it with the Instant Imprint Camera, so we can get it back to the lab to be analyzed. (Lisa takes pictures with the Instant Imprint Camera). T.O.D. [Time of Death] Duck?
Ducky: About 3-5 hours
McGregor: Tibbs, I found Garson’s cell phone beneath his car seat. His last call was at 10:04:26 P.M. His last phone call was with an Ashley Winter. (Tibbs impatiently stares at McGregor.) Okay, right, I’m on it boss.
Body is loaded into the back of the M.E. Truck and the car is towed back to the NCIS garage.
Scene 4: Abby’s Lab
Abby has her loud upbeat music blasting form her speakers as Tibbs and McGregor enter her lab.
Tibbs: Abbs! Turn it down!
Abby: (Abby is hyper because she drank a lot of Paf- Cow and talking fast. She immediately runs up to him to give him a hug and turns off her music.) Sorry Tibbs, I think I had too much Paf-Cow. Who knew it had so much caffeine? I mean seriously, there should be a warning or something. Like maybe on the side of the cup, but no one reads a cup… so they should put a warning on the machine to tell the people that 12 refills are too much. (Slurps Paf-Cow drink) Do you want some Tibbs?
Tibbs: No thanks, whaddya got?
Abby: Oh right, the case. Well, the foot imprint that Lisa found in the snow is an Oxford, size 10 men’s shoe. I ran the license plate and registration and the old Triumph and it does not belong to Garson. It is actually owned by a Lars Hauer. I ran a check and it appears that at one time, Lars Hauer and Garson were in a business together.
Tibbs: (Tibbs hands Abby another Paf-Cow drink) Great work Abbs.
Abby: Thank you Tibbs! Bye McGregor!
McGregor: (Tibbs and McGregor walk out of the lab) Wow, I haven’t seen Abby that hyper since last Christmas, when Santa Claus was interrogated and she ran up to ask him if she was on his “nice list.”
Scene 5: Autopsy
Tibbs walks into Autopsy as Ducky and Palmer are conducting autopsy on Garson.
Ducky: Hello Jethro (reference to Tibbs). I have found something quite amusing here.
The prosthetic arm that was found in the trunk of the car does not seem to fit Garson. (Ducky tries to match up the prosthetic arm to Garson’s body, but it does not fit right). I suggest you talk to his physical therapist. His name is Ricky Roma.
Tibbs: Is that all?
Palmer: We also discovered that Garson died from a massive brain hemorrhage.
Tibbs: Thanks for the update.
Ducky: No problem Jethro.
Scene 6: DELFOR offices (DELFOR is a prosthetic limb manufacturer.)
Ricky Roma is arguing with a man in a wheelchair. The argument ends abruptly as the disabled man hurriedly leaves Tibbs walks in to the office.
Tibbs: NCIS, (shows Roma his badge) dory if I’m interrupting.
Roma: No, no, that was just a disgruntled ex-client. Why, what can I do for you?
Tibbs: His name? (referring to the man in the wheel chair that left)
Roma: Who, you mean Ballentine? What is this all about?
Tibbs: Tell me about Ballentine.
Roma: Oh, Ballentine is just one of those guys who is never satisfied and likes to complain a lot. It’s really not a big deal. Will you please tell me why you are here?
Tibbs: Do you know a Lt. Commander Garson?
Roma: Yes, he’s another ex-client.
Tibbs: Did you know he died in a car crash this morning? (Roma sits down in his chair) We found his prosthetic arm in the trunk of his car. (Tibbs shows the prosthetic arm to Roma) Is it one of yours? (Roma stares and does not respond.)
Roma: (He finally takes the prosthetic arm and inspects it. He suddenly looks relieved). This is indeed one of our DELFOR’s but it’s not Garson’s. Too small. Besides, Garson stopped wearing DELFOR’s.
Tibbs: Why’d he stop?
Roma: Not sure. We were trying to convince Garson to switch from BioDage to DELFOR. He is in charge of procuring new prosthetics for the Navy. He tried out our arm for a while, but then seemed to lose interest with no explanation.
Tibbs: Thank you for your help. (Tibbs starts to leave)
Roma: Mm hmm.
Scene 7: Supercuts Hair Salon
Lisa, Tommy, and Tibbs approach Ballentine while he cutting a woman’s hair.
Tibbs: Looks like you are recovering well, soldier.
Ballentine: I guess so, for a guy with no legs.
Tibbs: (He shows Ballentine his badge and flashes a sympathetic smile) Do you mind if we ask about your argument with Roma in his office?
Ballentine: (Still cutting the woman’s hair) All I wanted was some kind of compensation for being a failed guinea pig for DELFOR.
Lisa: Why, what happened?
Ballentine: Their skimpy copper fittings gave out. I fell really hard (sharply cuts the woman’s bangs), causing a fracture in my other leg so bad that it too, had to be amputated. I really like my new job here. We give quality haircuts here. Have gained some sense of pride that DELFOR stole from me.
Tommy: Thank you for your help.
Ballentne: No problem. (Tibbs, Lisa, and Tommy head back to NCIS Headquarters.)
Scene 8: Ashley Winter’s house
McGregor and Winter are sitting on the couch drinking egg nog.
McGregor: Thank you for this delicious egg nog.
Winter: (Tearfully sobbing) You’re welcome. It’s a recipe passed down from my great grandmother. It is my fault that Garson is dead.
McGregor: Well, at least he died instantly. It wasn’t a long painful death at least.
Winter: (Sobbing even more) That’s not really helping Mr. McGregor.
McGregor: Oh..sorry…ehhh…
Winter: The last thing I said to him was, ‘I hate you.’ Then I heard a loud noise and his phone went dead. This is all my fault!
McGregor: (Gently asks) May I ask what the argument was about?
Winter: (Looks at him hesitantly with red teary eyes) Garson and I had an affair during my junior year in high school. My son will turn 7 next month, and he’s never met his father. (Sobbs louder) Garson insisted that he was not his child, but I know he is. My son’s forehead and nose are exactly like his! All I ever wanted was a little child support, but when I threatened to go to Garson’s superiors, he…he beat me. I honestly don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have Johnny’s shoulder to cry on.
McGregor: Who?
Winter: Johnny Ballentine. We met at a Supercuts in Norfolk. He’s a guy in a wheelchair that cuts my hair. We became instant friends after I happened to mention Garson’s name. Johnny had his own problems with Garson. He even blames Garson for the loss of one of his legs. Johnny truly cares, especially after I told him about the beatings. (McGregor’s eyes widen)
McGregor: Thank you for your assistance. You have been a really big help.
McGregor quickly drives to NCIS Headquarters.
Scene 9: NCIS Headquarters.
Lisa, Tibbs, and Tommy are sitting at their desks as McGregor walks in.
McGregor: Guys, I spoke to Ashley Winter and she said that she knew Johnny. (Tibb’s phone rings and he picks up)
Tibbs: Abby said that Garson’s brake lines were eaten up by Nitric Acid. To make Nitric Acid, you can use Hydrochloric acid, Nitric salt, and copper fittings.
Tommy: Copper fittings from a broken prosthetic leg!
Lisa: So it was Ballentine! He wanted us to think that it was the car crash that killed Garson.
Tibbs, McGregor, Tommy, and Lisa rush to Supercuts.
Scene 10: Supercuts
Ballentine is in his wheelchair heading towards the Handicap Bus in the parking lot.
McGregor: There he is! (Points to Ballentine quickly rolling his wheelchair. The NCIS team run after him)
Tibbs: NCIS, stop rolling Ballentine! (Ballentine keeps rolling but his left wheel chair wheel gets caught in a pothole)
Lisa: You are under arrest for the murder of Darby Garson.
Ballentine: Awww…I was so close to rolling away.
Ballentine was eventually prosecuted on first degree murder charges.
Elmo Meets a 'Special' Friend by Danielle H.
Elmo Meets a ‘Special’ Friend
“Boys and girls, Elmo is going to have a special friend over for snack- doesn’t that sound like fun?” The children clap ecstatically in reply, smiling and cheering as Elmo nods his head and nearly screams the sentence in his high-pitched voice. “YAY! Well then,” Elmo continues, jumping up and down in his chair. He motions with his small arms to the side of the room, and in an equally loud and squeaky voice, chirps, “Please welcome Elmo’s newest and very special friend, HANK THE PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIC!” The children smile and applaud as a visibly uncomfortable looking man walks into the room. He is tall, slim, and his shaggy black hair hangs in his face. There are dark circles under his eyes, and he winces as the children (and even Elmo) all scream loudly at him as he takes his seat next to the Muppet.
“Elmo is really excited to have you here Hank!! ARE YOU EXCITED TOO?” Elmo shouts directly into Hank’s face, causing the man to tug uncomfortably on the sleeves of his turtleneck. “Th-the men in white said it’s n-not good for me to get excited…that’s why they put me in the padded room…” Hank stammers, shifting on his seat and giving a small but earnest smile. The room enters into an awkward silence. The children do not know whether to applause or cry, but Elmo squeals another, “YAY!” and the kids are at ease and begin clapping again. Hank flinches. “Okay Hank!! We’re going to play twenty questions! WON’T THAT BE FUN?”
Before Hank can answer, Elmo and the children all begin clapping and screaming again and Hank winces uncomfortably once more. It is obvious now that Hank doesn’t like loud noises, but the children and even their host all remain blissfully unaware as they continue their attack of noise.
“OKAY FIRST QUESITON HANK- WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?!” Elmo inquired, leaning in to receive Hank’s response. “White…because it’s the color of the walls at the asylum.” Hank answered, playing absently with a loose string on his sleeve. “YAY!” Elmo screams again, flailing his arms wildly and cheering enthusiastically. Biting his lip, Hank nervously asks him, “Could you please stop…? The voices say that they don’t like loud noises…” Elmo nods and pats Hank on the arm. “OKAY NEW FRIEND! ELMO WILL STOP HAHAHA!” Elmo screams in reply, laughing his squeaky laugh and screaming his squeaky scream. Hank shifts in his seat again.
“WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?”
“Hmm…Zoloft, Ritalin, Cymbalta, Risperidone…and ravioli. I like ravioli a lot.”
“ELMO LIKES RAVIOLI TOO! YAY!!”
“May you p-please stop..?”
“DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES?”
“Digging through the wall, hiding pills, rocking back and forth, whispering…”
“ELMO LIKES DIGGING TOO!”
“Y-you said you’d stop yelling…”
“NEXT QUESTION! YAY!!”
“Shh…! Please…”
“DO YOU LIKE CARTOONS?”
“When I close my eyes, I see cartoons playing on my eyelids-”
“YAY! CARTOONS!!”
“But I didn’t even finish…please. Stop yelling, the voices are waking up.”
“OOPS! SORRY NEW FRIEND! I FORGOT! Elmo will be quiet…”
Elmo whispered the last half of his sentence, and Hank seemed to relax a bit after hearing him finally lower his voice. The children smiled excitedly as their beloved host giggled and whispered to them as Hank sat obliviously in his seat. “Okay. Last question…Hank; will you be Elmo’s new friend?” Elmo asked innocently, looking up at Hank with great shiny marble eyes and rubbing his head against Hank’s arm like a puppy.
“…sure.” Hank replied absently, shifting away from the Muppet who was invading his personal space. “YAAAAAAAAY!!!!” Elmo screamed, releasing all of his enthusiasm and excitement in one fell cry, and just so you know it the children began to clap and cheer- and at the sound of something as loud as all that combined, something inside Hank flipped.
He blinked once, twice, and then a shudder seemed to race through his whole body as he stood up, and flipped the table over. The children hardly had time to react before Hank had his hands around their beloved host’s neck. “I TOLD YOU!!” Hank screamed into Elmo’s face, wildly shaking the Muppet back and forth as he strangled him. The children screamed and dispersed as the whole room went wild. “I TOLD YOU THEY WERE COMING! THEY COME IN THE NIGHT! TEETH NASHING, BONES GRINDING- DENTISTS! DAMNED SONS OF ADAM,” Hank spewed off more nonsense before two burly men in white (orderlies by the look of it) came and cut through the madness, carrying between the two of them a long white straitjacket. The camera shook wildly as the shaky forms of the orderlies attempted to pry Hank off of Elmo and get him into the restraints. Over the sound of children crying and the grunts of a struggle, one cameraman’s voice was heard over the panic, loud and clear: “We’re live! We’re live! Cut to black- CUT TO BLACK!” Then everything went black, and I changed the channel to go watch Teletubbies.
“Boys and girls, Elmo is going to have a special friend over for snack- doesn’t that sound like fun?” The children clap ecstatically in reply, smiling and cheering as Elmo nods his head and nearly screams the sentence in his high-pitched voice. “YAY! Well then,” Elmo continues, jumping up and down in his chair. He motions with his small arms to the side of the room, and in an equally loud and squeaky voice, chirps, “Please welcome Elmo’s newest and very special friend, HANK THE PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIC!” The children smile and applaud as a visibly uncomfortable looking man walks into the room. He is tall, slim, and his shaggy black hair hangs in his face. There are dark circles under his eyes, and he winces as the children (and even Elmo) all scream loudly at him as he takes his seat next to the Muppet.
“Elmo is really excited to have you here Hank!! ARE YOU EXCITED TOO?” Elmo shouts directly into Hank’s face, causing the man to tug uncomfortably on the sleeves of his turtleneck. “Th-the men in white said it’s n-not good for me to get excited…that’s why they put me in the padded room…” Hank stammers, shifting on his seat and giving a small but earnest smile. The room enters into an awkward silence. The children do not know whether to applause or cry, but Elmo squeals another, “YAY!” and the kids are at ease and begin clapping again. Hank flinches. “Okay Hank!! We’re going to play twenty questions! WON’T THAT BE FUN?”
Before Hank can answer, Elmo and the children all begin clapping and screaming again and Hank winces uncomfortably once more. It is obvious now that Hank doesn’t like loud noises, but the children and even their host all remain blissfully unaware as they continue their attack of noise.
“OKAY FIRST QUESITON HANK- WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?!” Elmo inquired, leaning in to receive Hank’s response. “White…because it’s the color of the walls at the asylum.” Hank answered, playing absently with a loose string on his sleeve. “YAY!” Elmo screams again, flailing his arms wildly and cheering enthusiastically. Biting his lip, Hank nervously asks him, “Could you please stop…? The voices say that they don’t like loud noises…” Elmo nods and pats Hank on the arm. “OKAY NEW FRIEND! ELMO WILL STOP HAHAHA!” Elmo screams in reply, laughing his squeaky laugh and screaming his squeaky scream. Hank shifts in his seat again.
“WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?”
“Hmm…Zoloft, Ritalin, Cymbalta, Risperidone…and ravioli. I like ravioli a lot.”
“ELMO LIKES RAVIOLI TOO! YAY!!”
“May you p-please stop..?”
“DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES?”
“Digging through the wall, hiding pills, rocking back and forth, whispering…”
“ELMO LIKES DIGGING TOO!”
“Y-you said you’d stop yelling…”
“NEXT QUESTION! YAY!!”
“Shh…! Please…”
“DO YOU LIKE CARTOONS?”
“When I close my eyes, I see cartoons playing on my eyelids-”
“YAY! CARTOONS!!”
“But I didn’t even finish…please. Stop yelling, the voices are waking up.”
“OOPS! SORRY NEW FRIEND! I FORGOT! Elmo will be quiet…”
Elmo whispered the last half of his sentence, and Hank seemed to relax a bit after hearing him finally lower his voice. The children smiled excitedly as their beloved host giggled and whispered to them as Hank sat obliviously in his seat. “Okay. Last question…Hank; will you be Elmo’s new friend?” Elmo asked innocently, looking up at Hank with great shiny marble eyes and rubbing his head against Hank’s arm like a puppy.
“…sure.” Hank replied absently, shifting away from the Muppet who was invading his personal space. “YAAAAAAAAY!!!!” Elmo screamed, releasing all of his enthusiasm and excitement in one fell cry, and just so you know it the children began to clap and cheer- and at the sound of something as loud as all that combined, something inside Hank flipped.
He blinked once, twice, and then a shudder seemed to race through his whole body as he stood up, and flipped the table over. The children hardly had time to react before Hank had his hands around their beloved host’s neck. “I TOLD YOU!!” Hank screamed into Elmo’s face, wildly shaking the Muppet back and forth as he strangled him. The children screamed and dispersed as the whole room went wild. “I TOLD YOU THEY WERE COMING! THEY COME IN THE NIGHT! TEETH NASHING, BONES GRINDING- DENTISTS! DAMNED SONS OF ADAM,” Hank spewed off more nonsense before two burly men in white (orderlies by the look of it) came and cut through the madness, carrying between the two of them a long white straitjacket. The camera shook wildly as the shaky forms of the orderlies attempted to pry Hank off of Elmo and get him into the restraints. Over the sound of children crying and the grunts of a struggle, one cameraman’s voice was heard over the panic, loud and clear: “We’re live! We’re live! Cut to black- CUT TO BLACK!” Then everything went black, and I changed the channel to go watch Teletubbies.
The Boy in the Black Cape by Tiare S.
Satire Preface: The Phantom of the Opera
I decided to satire the popular musical Phantom of the Opera. The musical is about an enigmatic man who lives beneath the Paris Opera House. He is known as the “Phantom of the Opera” since he has not been seen but is deemed responsible for the unexplained happenings around the theatre. The phantom is a tragic, deformed genius who is in love with a chorus girl named Christine. He is Christine’s mysterious voice teacher. Christine falls under the Phantom’s spell and she often refers to him as her “Angel of Music”. Christine’s childhood sweetheart Raoul becomes a patron of the theatre so they are reunited. Raoul is rich, young, and handsome, the ideal love interest. Christine and Raoul fall in love and Christine is forced to choose between the knight in shining armor, Raoul, and the mystical, dark, creature of the night, the Phantom. In the end, the Phantom threatens to kill Raoul if Christine does not stay with him. Therefore, instead of allowing her lover to die, Christine chooses to stay with the Phantom. However, through this action the Phantom realizes that Christine does not truly love him, and that she would be happier with Raoul. Out of his love for Christine, the Phantom lets her and Raoul go.
The Boy in The Black Cape
“STOP. Sing it again Christina, except this time with better diction. Start from the top of the song. Is this really so difficult? Can no one do anything right? Do it again!” Mrs. Giry, the director of Paris High School’s annual musical, sat down and waved her hand angrily, motioning for Christina to take center stage. Mrs. Giry was known as the “Theatre Tyrant” because she was impatient and not afraid to yell at the students in order to get work done. Christina walked slowly to the center of the stage holding her script in her hand. She could feel the eyes of her fellow cast members gazing upon her. The piano introduction began to play and the music consumed her. Suddenly, the piano stopped abruptly. Christina’s eyes shot open. The door of the theatre sprung wide and there was a boy standing in the doorway.
“What is it now? Can’t you see that we are trying to rehearse?” Mrs. Giry said in a flustered voice. The boy sauntered towards Mrs. Giry with his backpack swung carelessly over his shoulder. He was tall, muscular, and had dark wavy hair that covered his eyes. He was wearing a black shirt, black jeans with holes in the knees, black shoes, and a black cape to compliment his overall sinister appearance. When he reached Mrs. Giry he handed her a note. “Erik Phanon. So you’re the student serving detention with me? Perfect. We need another strong man on crew. You can start by helping Andrew build sets. He’s in the back.” Mrs. Giry told him. The strange boy named Erik turned away and began to walk up the steps of the stage without saying a word. “Oh and Erik?” Mrs. Giry called to him, “Remember this is your punishment. I better not hear anything about you causing trouble because I have a show to run! Do as you are told. Do you understand?” Again, Erik remained silent and disappeared into the back of the theatre.
“Ha, that kid looks like a delinquent. And look at his face it’s all covered with boils. I heard he just transferred here and he’s already got detention. Probably just got back from juvy.”
“Oh come on Ryan you don’t even know him, leave him alone.”
“I’m just joking around Christina. You sounded beautiful today by the way babe. Isn’t it perfect how you’re the leading lady and I’m the leading man? We’re definitely going to win Prom King and Queen this year. We’re the power couple at this school.” Christina didn’t say anything to Ryan she just nodded her head. “Wanna come over after rehearsal and run lines? We could go to a movie together after?” Ryan suggested.
“Well I’m kind of tired.”
“Oh come on babe you’re such a buzz kill sometimes. I don’t care if you’re tired, you’re coming over because I haven’t gotten to spend time with you in forever!”
“Alright whatever.” Christina said. She knew better than to argue with her controlling boyfriend.
“Okay everyone back to work. Christina, you have got to work on your diction. And I need to see more chemistry between you and Ryan. Your characters are in love. Make me believe that you actually are!” barked Mrs. Giry.
“Oh don’t worry Mrs. G, we’ll spice up the romance.” said Ryan chuckling. Ryan Dishanye was the ideal male lead. He was charming, good-looking, charismatic, thin, and he loved the attention. He was definitely a theatre “diva”. He complained about nearly everything. However, Ryan had played the male lead for the past three years and was continuing that streak this year. Not only was Ryan the lead in school shows, but he was also the quarterback of the football team and drove a Ferrari around town because his father worked for a prestigious law firm. Ryan and Christina were childhood sweethearts. They had been friends since they were in elementary school and they had been Paris High School’s power couple since freshman year.
“Okay take it back from Christina’s solo and then go straight into the duet.” Mrs. Giry said as she scribbled down notes. She impatiently signaled for the pianist to begin playing and Christina took center stage. This time Christina was able to sing her solo without interruption. As she sang, she felt that familiar feeling as if her voice had been given wings.
Erik was on side stage helping Andrew with sets when he heard Christina’s voice fill the entire theatre. He could not help but put down his hammer and nails and walk to the edge of the wing to get a better look at her. He listened as Christina sang and studied her face. Erik had never seen a more beautiful girl. He noticed her light brown eyes that seemed to light up as she sang. He gawked at the way she moved so elegantly on stage and how her face portrayed so much emotion. Erik was put into a silent trance by Christina’s angelic voice. But, Erik quickly snapped out of it when he heard the piercing voice of Ryan join with Christina’s angelic voice. Ryan seemed to scream his lyrics rather than sing them. Erik cringed at the shrill sound of Ryan’s voice.
“Stop, stop, stop!” Ryan shouted at the pianist. “I cannot work with this rhythm! Are you even looking at the music? And seriously Christina can you stop breathing so close to me? Oh and don’t put your hand on my shoulder like that it throws me off!” Christina simply rolled her eyes, looked down at her script, and waited for Ryan to finish throwing his temper tantrum.
“That is enough Mr. Dishanye. Christina you need to work on your technique. Your voice is beautiful just work on your diction and focus. Go home tonight and practice your lines as well as your vocal parts. And Ryan, just go practice. Your stage presence is incredible, just work on your singing and stop throwing tantrums on my stage! Alright everyone, rehearsal’s over for today. Rehearsal is at six tomorrow. Don’t be late or I’m making you all clean the theatre!” The cast picked up their props, cleaned their areas, and quickly filed out of the theatre. Christina and Ryan got into Ryan’s car and began driving. Ryan and Christina had just pulled up to Ryan’s mansion when Christina realized she was missing something.
“Wait… Ryan, where’s my script?” Christina asked as she frantically looked through her bag for her script.
“Uh why are you asking me babe I don’t know where it is.”
“I think I left it at the theatre.”
“Ugh really Christina? You can take the car and drive back to the theatre and get it yourself! I’m not driving all the way back there. Why are you so irresponsible?” Christina didn’t respond to her rude boyfriend, she simply took the keys from him, sat down in the drivers seat, and drove off feeling more agitated than before.
When Christina pulled into the theatre parking lot she noticed that there was only one car left in the parking lot. It was dark outside, and there was a small light shining from inside the theatre. She opened the theatre door slowly, careful to not make any noise, and made her way down to the stage. However, before she got there, Christina became aware of soft music filling the room. She could hear a sweet, melodic, male, voice and the gentle strumming of a guitar. Her eyes looked upon the boy named Erik who was assigned to help with the show as his detention. He was softly playing a guitar and singing an unfamiliar song. Just then Erik’s eyes met Christina’s and he stopped playing abruptly.
“Oh I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt I just came back because I forgot my script. What song were you just playing? I’ve never heard it before but it’s beautiful. You’ve got a lovely voice.”
“Thanks… And I wrote that song myself. Your script is right over there. I put it with my things, your name is on it so I was just going to give it to you tomorrow.”
“Oh thank you. I’m Christina by the way. What’s your name?” Christina walked over to where Erik sat on the stage.
“ I’m Erik.”
“Hi nice meeting you Erik. Did you just move here?”
“Uh yeah… Foster care. But never mind that, you’ve got an incredible voice.” Erik went on to tell Christina about his lifelong involvement in music and his passion for writing and playing music. “Your voice is amazing. And if you love music, why didn’t you audition for the show?” Christina asked, perplexed.
“Ah school musicals aren’t really my thing. But I’d love to help you.”
“Okay sure thanks!” Christina and Erik worked late into the night on Christina’s solos. At first Christina was slightly afraid of Erik because he had a large scar across his face from his eye to his jaw, furthermore, his face was covered in gruesome boils. Various questions arose in her head like why was he in juvy? But after a while she didn't even notice his menacing scar, and the fretful questions that clouded her mind began to vanish. Christina was surprised at how knowledgeable Erik was about music and how quickly she felt comfortable with him. She began to feel a genuine connection with the mysterious boy named Erik.
Christina and Erik were enjoying their time together when all of a sudden Christina’s phone began to ring. She checked the caller ID and it was Ryan. At first she hesitated, but then she answered the call only to hear Ryan’s voice yelling at her.
“Christina! Where the heck are you? You went back for your script almost two hours ago!” Ryan shouted over the phone.
“Hey I’m sorry I just got held up… I’ve been rehearsing my songs.” Christina answered.
“Why are you rehearsing by yourself?! We were going to rehearse together.”
“I’m sorry I just needed some time to myself to run over my parts. I’ll be at your house in 15 minutes.”
Over the next few weeks Christina and Erik grew closer. They continued their private practices after rehearsals. It was becoming more and more apparent to Christina that Erik was more appealing than her boyfriend Ryan, regardless of Erik’s physical flaws. Christina began distancing herself from Ryan and found that she would rather be with Erik. She enjoyed the time she got to spend with Erik as well as the helpful advice he gave her. Even Mrs. Giry noticed the great improvement in Christina’s voice.
“Wow Christina your voice is progressing. I can tell that you’ve been practicing. Great job!” Mrs. Giry said applauding Christina. Then she turned to Ryan and said, “Ryan you need to work harder on your voice. Christina’s been practicing but you are not improving at all. You need to step it up.”
Christina was very grateful for Erik and she found that their late night rehearsals together were the only thing she looked forward to in a day. She no longer took pleasure in being with Ryan, but she was afraid to break up with him for fear that it might cause conflict in the show. Christina was confused because she had been in love with Ryan since they were children but all of a sudden she began to develop feelings for Erik and forget the way she once felt for Ryan. Christina had an inkling that Erik was beginning to like her as well.
“Hey I’ve been meaning to ask you about your past. I didn’t want to ask you before but now I feel we’re close enough, so you can tell me anything.” Christina asked in a soft voice. “Christina, I know we’ve only known each other for about a month but I feel like I can trust you. I didn’t want to tell you my history because I was embarrassed. I was afraid of what you would think of me, but now I’m ready to tell you. I was in juvenile detention because I ran away from my foster family. My parents died when I was six and I’ve been bouncing from foster family to foster family. I ran away from my most recent foster family because they abused me. The father would come home drunk and beat me and the mom would never feed me. I couldn’t take anymore of that. So I packed up and ran away. Unfortunately I was caught and sent to juvy.”
“Oh Erik… I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“It’s alright. I’m with a different foster family now and they aren’t too bad. I’ve gotten into a lot of fights and I’m the way I am because I never got a proper upbringing.”
“You are honestly the most decent, genuine guy I have ever met.” Christina said as she peered into Erik’s eyes. They were alone again in the theatre after rehearsal. “I’ve also wanted to ask you why do you always wear that black cape?”
“Well, all my life I’ve been the unusual guy who gets kicked around and beaten. I wear this black cape to remind myself that someday I won’t be defeated and I’ll be the hero.”
“Erik… You’re my hero.”
“Christina I love you.”
“What…?”
“I know I’m being ridiculous but from the moment I heard you sing I couldn’t get you out of my head. You’re so talented and sweet and I’ve never met a girl like you before. And I know you’re dating Ryan but I just had to tell you how I feel.” Christina didn’t even get a change to respond. All of a sudden the theatre doors burst open and Ryan was standing in the doorway.
“So this is what you’ve been doing late at night. Instead of spending time with your boyfriend, you’ve been sneaking around with this loser!”
“Ryan…please. We were just rehearsing.” Christina said coming down from the stage.
“Oh shut up you ungrateful brat! For the past two years I’ve been the best boyfriend to you. I gave you everything and this is how you repay me? By blowing me off for some ugly, delinquent?” Ryan raced towards the stage furiously.
“Hey! Don’t talk to her like that!” Erik chimed in as he approached Ryan.
“You stay out of this! This is between me and my girlfriend!” Ryan snapped back.
“That’s no way to talk to your girlfriend,” said Erik calmly putting his hand on Christina’s shoulder. “That’s it mister you’re going to get it!” Ryan shouted as he lunged for Erik. It was like a mouse picking a fight with a lion. Ryan was all skin and bones and Erik was tall and muscular. Ryan swung at him but Erik blocked the punch with little energy. He stepped back and said, “Cool it Ryan. I don’t want to fight you man. I’m already on probation, I can’t do anything to get into more trouble.” But Ryan disregarded this statement and swung at Erik nonetheless. The two of them went at it for a bit but then finally Christina was able to break up the fight.
“Ryan I’ve put up with your rudeness and endless complaining for far too long. I’m fed up! I can’t take anymore of it! I don’t love you. I love Erik!” She took Erik’s face in her hands and kissed him passionately. Ryan looked thoroughly defeated. He stepped away from them and knelt on his knees. He began to cry.
“You… You really don’t love me anymore?” He looked to Christina with glistening eyes.
“That’s right… I don’t love you Ryan. You never treated me the way I deserved to be treated. Erik and I have something special. Our love isn’t based on physical appearance or shallow conditions. He is my Angel of Music and I love him.” Erik was still holding Christina in his arms and softly whispered to her “You alone can make my song soar. The music of the night will never end.”
Ryan had finally gotten what he deserved and Christina and Erik could at last be together. Christina had chosen the mysterious boy in the black cape, rather than the knight in shining armor.
I decided to satire the popular musical Phantom of the Opera. The musical is about an enigmatic man who lives beneath the Paris Opera House. He is known as the “Phantom of the Opera” since he has not been seen but is deemed responsible for the unexplained happenings around the theatre. The phantom is a tragic, deformed genius who is in love with a chorus girl named Christine. He is Christine’s mysterious voice teacher. Christine falls under the Phantom’s spell and she often refers to him as her “Angel of Music”. Christine’s childhood sweetheart Raoul becomes a patron of the theatre so they are reunited. Raoul is rich, young, and handsome, the ideal love interest. Christine and Raoul fall in love and Christine is forced to choose between the knight in shining armor, Raoul, and the mystical, dark, creature of the night, the Phantom. In the end, the Phantom threatens to kill Raoul if Christine does not stay with him. Therefore, instead of allowing her lover to die, Christine chooses to stay with the Phantom. However, through this action the Phantom realizes that Christine does not truly love him, and that she would be happier with Raoul. Out of his love for Christine, the Phantom lets her and Raoul go.
The Boy in The Black Cape
“STOP. Sing it again Christina, except this time with better diction. Start from the top of the song. Is this really so difficult? Can no one do anything right? Do it again!” Mrs. Giry, the director of Paris High School’s annual musical, sat down and waved her hand angrily, motioning for Christina to take center stage. Mrs. Giry was known as the “Theatre Tyrant” because she was impatient and not afraid to yell at the students in order to get work done. Christina walked slowly to the center of the stage holding her script in her hand. She could feel the eyes of her fellow cast members gazing upon her. The piano introduction began to play and the music consumed her. Suddenly, the piano stopped abruptly. Christina’s eyes shot open. The door of the theatre sprung wide and there was a boy standing in the doorway.
“What is it now? Can’t you see that we are trying to rehearse?” Mrs. Giry said in a flustered voice. The boy sauntered towards Mrs. Giry with his backpack swung carelessly over his shoulder. He was tall, muscular, and had dark wavy hair that covered his eyes. He was wearing a black shirt, black jeans with holes in the knees, black shoes, and a black cape to compliment his overall sinister appearance. When he reached Mrs. Giry he handed her a note. “Erik Phanon. So you’re the student serving detention with me? Perfect. We need another strong man on crew. You can start by helping Andrew build sets. He’s in the back.” Mrs. Giry told him. The strange boy named Erik turned away and began to walk up the steps of the stage without saying a word. “Oh and Erik?” Mrs. Giry called to him, “Remember this is your punishment. I better not hear anything about you causing trouble because I have a show to run! Do as you are told. Do you understand?” Again, Erik remained silent and disappeared into the back of the theatre.
“Ha, that kid looks like a delinquent. And look at his face it’s all covered with boils. I heard he just transferred here and he’s already got detention. Probably just got back from juvy.”
“Oh come on Ryan you don’t even know him, leave him alone.”
“I’m just joking around Christina. You sounded beautiful today by the way babe. Isn’t it perfect how you’re the leading lady and I’m the leading man? We’re definitely going to win Prom King and Queen this year. We’re the power couple at this school.” Christina didn’t say anything to Ryan she just nodded her head. “Wanna come over after rehearsal and run lines? We could go to a movie together after?” Ryan suggested.
“Well I’m kind of tired.”
“Oh come on babe you’re such a buzz kill sometimes. I don’t care if you’re tired, you’re coming over because I haven’t gotten to spend time with you in forever!”
“Alright whatever.” Christina said. She knew better than to argue with her controlling boyfriend.
“Okay everyone back to work. Christina, you have got to work on your diction. And I need to see more chemistry between you and Ryan. Your characters are in love. Make me believe that you actually are!” barked Mrs. Giry.
“Oh don’t worry Mrs. G, we’ll spice up the romance.” said Ryan chuckling. Ryan Dishanye was the ideal male lead. He was charming, good-looking, charismatic, thin, and he loved the attention. He was definitely a theatre “diva”. He complained about nearly everything. However, Ryan had played the male lead for the past three years and was continuing that streak this year. Not only was Ryan the lead in school shows, but he was also the quarterback of the football team and drove a Ferrari around town because his father worked for a prestigious law firm. Ryan and Christina were childhood sweethearts. They had been friends since they were in elementary school and they had been Paris High School’s power couple since freshman year.
“Okay take it back from Christina’s solo and then go straight into the duet.” Mrs. Giry said as she scribbled down notes. She impatiently signaled for the pianist to begin playing and Christina took center stage. This time Christina was able to sing her solo without interruption. As she sang, she felt that familiar feeling as if her voice had been given wings.
Erik was on side stage helping Andrew with sets when he heard Christina’s voice fill the entire theatre. He could not help but put down his hammer and nails and walk to the edge of the wing to get a better look at her. He listened as Christina sang and studied her face. Erik had never seen a more beautiful girl. He noticed her light brown eyes that seemed to light up as she sang. He gawked at the way she moved so elegantly on stage and how her face portrayed so much emotion. Erik was put into a silent trance by Christina’s angelic voice. But, Erik quickly snapped out of it when he heard the piercing voice of Ryan join with Christina’s angelic voice. Ryan seemed to scream his lyrics rather than sing them. Erik cringed at the shrill sound of Ryan’s voice.
“Stop, stop, stop!” Ryan shouted at the pianist. “I cannot work with this rhythm! Are you even looking at the music? And seriously Christina can you stop breathing so close to me? Oh and don’t put your hand on my shoulder like that it throws me off!” Christina simply rolled her eyes, looked down at her script, and waited for Ryan to finish throwing his temper tantrum.
“That is enough Mr. Dishanye. Christina you need to work on your technique. Your voice is beautiful just work on your diction and focus. Go home tonight and practice your lines as well as your vocal parts. And Ryan, just go practice. Your stage presence is incredible, just work on your singing and stop throwing tantrums on my stage! Alright everyone, rehearsal’s over for today. Rehearsal is at six tomorrow. Don’t be late or I’m making you all clean the theatre!” The cast picked up their props, cleaned their areas, and quickly filed out of the theatre. Christina and Ryan got into Ryan’s car and began driving. Ryan and Christina had just pulled up to Ryan’s mansion when Christina realized she was missing something.
“Wait… Ryan, where’s my script?” Christina asked as she frantically looked through her bag for her script.
“Uh why are you asking me babe I don’t know where it is.”
“I think I left it at the theatre.”
“Ugh really Christina? You can take the car and drive back to the theatre and get it yourself! I’m not driving all the way back there. Why are you so irresponsible?” Christina didn’t respond to her rude boyfriend, she simply took the keys from him, sat down in the drivers seat, and drove off feeling more agitated than before.
When Christina pulled into the theatre parking lot she noticed that there was only one car left in the parking lot. It was dark outside, and there was a small light shining from inside the theatre. She opened the theatre door slowly, careful to not make any noise, and made her way down to the stage. However, before she got there, Christina became aware of soft music filling the room. She could hear a sweet, melodic, male, voice and the gentle strumming of a guitar. Her eyes looked upon the boy named Erik who was assigned to help with the show as his detention. He was softly playing a guitar and singing an unfamiliar song. Just then Erik’s eyes met Christina’s and he stopped playing abruptly.
“Oh I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt I just came back because I forgot my script. What song were you just playing? I’ve never heard it before but it’s beautiful. You’ve got a lovely voice.”
“Thanks… And I wrote that song myself. Your script is right over there. I put it with my things, your name is on it so I was just going to give it to you tomorrow.”
“Oh thank you. I’m Christina by the way. What’s your name?” Christina walked over to where Erik sat on the stage.
“ I’m Erik.”
“Hi nice meeting you Erik. Did you just move here?”
“Uh yeah… Foster care. But never mind that, you’ve got an incredible voice.” Erik went on to tell Christina about his lifelong involvement in music and his passion for writing and playing music. “Your voice is amazing. And if you love music, why didn’t you audition for the show?” Christina asked, perplexed.
“Ah school musicals aren’t really my thing. But I’d love to help you.”
“Okay sure thanks!” Christina and Erik worked late into the night on Christina’s solos. At first Christina was slightly afraid of Erik because he had a large scar across his face from his eye to his jaw, furthermore, his face was covered in gruesome boils. Various questions arose in her head like why was he in juvy? But after a while she didn't even notice his menacing scar, and the fretful questions that clouded her mind began to vanish. Christina was surprised at how knowledgeable Erik was about music and how quickly she felt comfortable with him. She began to feel a genuine connection with the mysterious boy named Erik.
Christina and Erik were enjoying their time together when all of a sudden Christina’s phone began to ring. She checked the caller ID and it was Ryan. At first she hesitated, but then she answered the call only to hear Ryan’s voice yelling at her.
“Christina! Where the heck are you? You went back for your script almost two hours ago!” Ryan shouted over the phone.
“Hey I’m sorry I just got held up… I’ve been rehearsing my songs.” Christina answered.
“Why are you rehearsing by yourself?! We were going to rehearse together.”
“I’m sorry I just needed some time to myself to run over my parts. I’ll be at your house in 15 minutes.”
Over the next few weeks Christina and Erik grew closer. They continued their private practices after rehearsals. It was becoming more and more apparent to Christina that Erik was more appealing than her boyfriend Ryan, regardless of Erik’s physical flaws. Christina began distancing herself from Ryan and found that she would rather be with Erik. She enjoyed the time she got to spend with Erik as well as the helpful advice he gave her. Even Mrs. Giry noticed the great improvement in Christina’s voice.
“Wow Christina your voice is progressing. I can tell that you’ve been practicing. Great job!” Mrs. Giry said applauding Christina. Then she turned to Ryan and said, “Ryan you need to work harder on your voice. Christina’s been practicing but you are not improving at all. You need to step it up.”
Christina was very grateful for Erik and she found that their late night rehearsals together were the only thing she looked forward to in a day. She no longer took pleasure in being with Ryan, but she was afraid to break up with him for fear that it might cause conflict in the show. Christina was confused because she had been in love with Ryan since they were children but all of a sudden she began to develop feelings for Erik and forget the way she once felt for Ryan. Christina had an inkling that Erik was beginning to like her as well.
“Hey I’ve been meaning to ask you about your past. I didn’t want to ask you before but now I feel we’re close enough, so you can tell me anything.” Christina asked in a soft voice. “Christina, I know we’ve only known each other for about a month but I feel like I can trust you. I didn’t want to tell you my history because I was embarrassed. I was afraid of what you would think of me, but now I’m ready to tell you. I was in juvenile detention because I ran away from my foster family. My parents died when I was six and I’ve been bouncing from foster family to foster family. I ran away from my most recent foster family because they abused me. The father would come home drunk and beat me and the mom would never feed me. I couldn’t take anymore of that. So I packed up and ran away. Unfortunately I was caught and sent to juvy.”
“Oh Erik… I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“It’s alright. I’m with a different foster family now and they aren’t too bad. I’ve gotten into a lot of fights and I’m the way I am because I never got a proper upbringing.”
“You are honestly the most decent, genuine guy I have ever met.” Christina said as she peered into Erik’s eyes. They were alone again in the theatre after rehearsal. “I’ve also wanted to ask you why do you always wear that black cape?”
“Well, all my life I’ve been the unusual guy who gets kicked around and beaten. I wear this black cape to remind myself that someday I won’t be defeated and I’ll be the hero.”
“Erik… You’re my hero.”
“Christina I love you.”
“What…?”
“I know I’m being ridiculous but from the moment I heard you sing I couldn’t get you out of my head. You’re so talented and sweet and I’ve never met a girl like you before. And I know you’re dating Ryan but I just had to tell you how I feel.” Christina didn’t even get a change to respond. All of a sudden the theatre doors burst open and Ryan was standing in the doorway.
“So this is what you’ve been doing late at night. Instead of spending time with your boyfriend, you’ve been sneaking around with this loser!”
“Ryan…please. We were just rehearsing.” Christina said coming down from the stage.
“Oh shut up you ungrateful brat! For the past two years I’ve been the best boyfriend to you. I gave you everything and this is how you repay me? By blowing me off for some ugly, delinquent?” Ryan raced towards the stage furiously.
“Hey! Don’t talk to her like that!” Erik chimed in as he approached Ryan.
“You stay out of this! This is between me and my girlfriend!” Ryan snapped back.
“That’s no way to talk to your girlfriend,” said Erik calmly putting his hand on Christina’s shoulder. “That’s it mister you’re going to get it!” Ryan shouted as he lunged for Erik. It was like a mouse picking a fight with a lion. Ryan was all skin and bones and Erik was tall and muscular. Ryan swung at him but Erik blocked the punch with little energy. He stepped back and said, “Cool it Ryan. I don’t want to fight you man. I’m already on probation, I can’t do anything to get into more trouble.” But Ryan disregarded this statement and swung at Erik nonetheless. The two of them went at it for a bit but then finally Christina was able to break up the fight.
“Ryan I’ve put up with your rudeness and endless complaining for far too long. I’m fed up! I can’t take anymore of it! I don’t love you. I love Erik!” She took Erik’s face in her hands and kissed him passionately. Ryan looked thoroughly defeated. He stepped away from them and knelt on his knees. He began to cry.
“You… You really don’t love me anymore?” He looked to Christina with glistening eyes.
“That’s right… I don’t love you Ryan. You never treated me the way I deserved to be treated. Erik and I have something special. Our love isn’t based on physical appearance or shallow conditions. He is my Angel of Music and I love him.” Erik was still holding Christina in his arms and softly whispered to her “You alone can make my song soar. The music of the night will never end.”
Ryan had finally gotten what he deserved and Christina and Erik could at last be together. Christina had chosen the mysterious boy in the black cape, rather than the knight in shining armor.
Boy Meets Ballet by Giselle R.
High School Ballet: Part 1
Beep Beep Beep. The sound of Troy McColton’s alarm immediately woke him up. Today was his first day of school and he was now a junior. Finally he was an upperclassmen, something Troy had looked forward to since he walked through the halls of West High School. After he changed and grabbed his backpack, he almost ran down the stairs without his basketball. He ran back up and grabbed it dreading how his parents would react when they saw it.
As he walked down, Troy could hear the irritating sound of his parents arguing on who was the better dancer. “Does the whole world have to revolve around dance for them?” Troy thought to himself. Quietly sitting down at the table, Troy silently ate his cereal while his parents’ argument simmered down a bit.
“I hope you guys realize that you argue every single day on who is the better dancer,” said Troy.
“Of course we do, dear! Honestly, we wouldn’t have to argue if our little prodigy took an interest back in ballet…” implied his mother.
“NO. I said no. That part of my life is over and done with. I grew out of that stuff, and really, you don’t see a teenage boy prancing around in ballet tights doing twirls. It’s just…not right.” argued Troy skeptically.
“Leave him alone, honey. He has found a new hobby bouncing balls on a court and throwing them into some type of basket,” said his father.
“I was voted captain of the varsity basketball team. It’s not a hobby, but a sport…when will you two every understand that?” said Troy.
Troy couldn’t stand to hear this topic of discussion any more. After he finished eating, Troy grabbed his bag and ball, said goodbye to his parents, and walked to school.
“Such a waste of talent. He had so much potential and yet he hasn’t recognized it. What will I ever do with that child.” said Troy’s mother with disappointment.
“It’s peer pressure honey. He’s afraid of being made fun of…that’s all,” replied her husband.
Approaching West High, Troy saw his best friend, Brad Murray, waiting for him on the steps along with some of his other basketball teammates. Brad was this tall, Asian boy with smarts and a sense for adventure. Troy and Brad had been the best friends since kindergarten when Brad brought Troy over to his house to play with his new GameBoy.
“Yo man. Are you coming over to my house today to shoot some hoops? Basketball season may have finished, but I need to start training again.” said Brad, as he pushed his glasses up to his eyes.
“Not sure about today bro…my parents want me home early to watch the house while they go watch some ballet production up in the city.” replied Troy.
Troy, Brad, and the rest of the basketball posse walked through the halls headed towards their lockers. While he looked through his locker and picked out his books for the next class, Troy couldn’t help but notice something sparkly walking towards him and Brad.
“Hey Brad, your ballet princess is approaching,” said Troy, mockingly.
“Where?!” Brad replied, looking anxiously.
“Coming to your right,” said Troy.
Sharpie McShevans was the school’s ballet princess. Along with her brother, Bryan McShevans, they were always the leads for whatever ballet production West High did. If they could, they would be the directors of their own production where the only dancers were themselves.
“Brad! Can you tutor me in Geometry after school today? I don’t understand shapes and I don’t know why a square is a rectangle and a rectangle isn’t a square,” said Sharpie.
“Sure, then will you go out with me this Saturday? asked Brad.
“Maybe, I’m not sure yet. The tryouts for the Nutcracker are on Saturday, but I’m sure I’ll get the lead as always, so I guess I can go, but I better get an A on the next test,” replied Sharpie.
Troy noticed he was going to be late to class and told Brad, Sharpie, and the rest of the basketball team he would see them tomorrow morning.
As he walked out of his last class, Troy happened to notice Ellie Montezy walking down the hall towards the dance studio. Troy had an enormous crush on Ellie since the day he sprinted right into her on his way to the cafeteria. Unfortunately, Ellie’s lunch splattered all over her shirt and that fueled her anger even more. Troy remembered her yelling at him to tell him to watch where he was walking next time. While she yelled at him, Troy thought about how beautiful she was and wondered if she was single. He had tried to make it up to her by asking her out on a date, but she refused and walked away.
After Ellie past him, not even giving him a second glance, Troy decided to follow her. Every so often, he hid behind a locker so she wouldn’t see him. “She’s going to think I’m a crazy stalker. If she sees me, I’ll never be able to get a chance with her!” Troy thought to himself. When she finally reached the studio and walked in, Troy waited a few minutes before peeping through the window in the door. Troy knew that she was a ballerina, but he didn’t know how good of a dancer she actually was.
After a few minutes of silently watching her, Troy walked inside the studio. Ellie noticed he came in, but concentrated on her stretches.
“You’re a terrible stalker. I had a feeling someone was following and watching me,” Ellie said as she finished up stretching.
“Well, I can explain….you see….I….uh….you’re a good dancer,” stammered Troy.
“Thanks. Since when have liked watching people dance? Or just liked dancing in general?” asked Ellie.
“Actually, believe it or not, I used to be a really good ballet dancer, but Brad only knows that…and now you,” confessed Troy.
“Wow! I’m surprised….maybe you should try out for the Nutcracker since you’re such a good dancer,” teased Ellie.
“You don’t believe me….I guess I’ll just have to show you my abilities,” thought Troy.
Troy leapt with grace through the air across the room. He leapt back and forth until he got tired then continued on to twirling. Troy twirled around Ellie until she got dizzy. After, Troy did a combination of leaps and pirouettes to end his dance routine.
Ellie was speechless. She never saw anything like that and wanted Troy as her partner. Ellie thought that with Troy as her partner they could be the leads for the nutcracker.
“I don’t care what you’re doing on Saturday. You and I are going down to the school theatre and auditioning against Sharpie and Bryan for the Nutcracker,” proclaimed Ellie.
“If I agree to all this, will you finally go on a date with me?” asked Troy.
“Fine.” said Ellie with a smile.
“See you Saturday then,” said Troy.
On Saturday morning, Troy woke up early and stretched in the dance studio at home. A wave of fear overcame him when he thought what the school would think when they saw him dance. “I’ll just have to deal with them after opening night,” thought Troy. After he stretched, Troy put on a black V-neck, a pink leotard, and headed out on his drive to West High’s theatre.
The theatre was empty except for the director who sat at the desk in front of the stage. The farther Troy walked down he realized that not only was it him and the director, but also Sharpie, Bryan, Brad, and Ellie were already there as well.
“Troy! I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” laughed Brad.
“Mr. McColton, you’re late,” said the director. “I want Sharpie and Bryan on stage as well as you and Ellie. I believe if you all dance individually, I will have a hard time making a decision, so I made this proposition. Both teams will compete in a dance-off and whoever I feel is the better couple will be cast as the leads for the Nutcracker. If the first team manages to mess up their dance whatsoever, the second team has the opportunity to begin right away.”
“Don’t worry I got a plan. Just follow my lead,” whispered Ellie.
When the music started, Sharpie and Bryan immediately began their dance. Sharpie and Bryan did a perfect pirouette. After a few minutes of graceful twirls and leaps through the air, Sharpie ran towards Bryan so that he could hold her up. Suddenly, the music changed to a hip hop beat and it threw the team off balance. Bryan was able to hold her up, but when the music changed he dropped his sister. As soon as Sharpie got up, Troy and Ellie rushed to center stage and started with some hip hop moves. The music changed again to a classical song familiar to both of them. Ellie and Troy started to leap across the stage and finished with twirls and pirouettes. To end their dance, Troy held Ellie in their air. For the ten seconds he held her up, the two looked into each other’s eyes and saw the other in a different light. The director smiled and knew he had found his lead couple for the Nutcracker. When Troy lowered Ellie down, the director stood up and started clapping. Though Sharpie and Bryan were defeated, they clapped in unison as well.
“Congratulations Troy and Ellie, you have won the two leads. I am happy to see that you were flexible to the music being played and were able to adapt. You both are well-rounded dancers.” Said the director to Troy and Ellie
“As for Sharpie and Bryan, you did a good job too, but I’m sorry to say you didn’t get the part,” stated the director.
“Good job Troy! You and Ellie were really good. You can count on me coming to watch the Nutcracker on opening night!” exclaimed Brad.
“That was simply amazing. I hope you do well in the production. As for future productions, my brother and I will work even harder to compete with you. Keep up the good work,” said Sharpie, smiling.
“Thank you everyone so much! If you will excuse us, I have reservations for two at the Italian restaurant in the mall,” said Troy.
Troy and Ellie exited the theatre and headed to his car. He knew from then on that everything would fall perfectly into place as he opened the door for Ellie, got into the front seat, and drove away.
Beep Beep Beep. The sound of Troy McColton’s alarm immediately woke him up. Today was his first day of school and he was now a junior. Finally he was an upperclassmen, something Troy had looked forward to since he walked through the halls of West High School. After he changed and grabbed his backpack, he almost ran down the stairs without his basketball. He ran back up and grabbed it dreading how his parents would react when they saw it.
As he walked down, Troy could hear the irritating sound of his parents arguing on who was the better dancer. “Does the whole world have to revolve around dance for them?” Troy thought to himself. Quietly sitting down at the table, Troy silently ate his cereal while his parents’ argument simmered down a bit.
“I hope you guys realize that you argue every single day on who is the better dancer,” said Troy.
“Of course we do, dear! Honestly, we wouldn’t have to argue if our little prodigy took an interest back in ballet…” implied his mother.
“NO. I said no. That part of my life is over and done with. I grew out of that stuff, and really, you don’t see a teenage boy prancing around in ballet tights doing twirls. It’s just…not right.” argued Troy skeptically.
“Leave him alone, honey. He has found a new hobby bouncing balls on a court and throwing them into some type of basket,” said his father.
“I was voted captain of the varsity basketball team. It’s not a hobby, but a sport…when will you two every understand that?” said Troy.
Troy couldn’t stand to hear this topic of discussion any more. After he finished eating, Troy grabbed his bag and ball, said goodbye to his parents, and walked to school.
“Such a waste of talent. He had so much potential and yet he hasn’t recognized it. What will I ever do with that child.” said Troy’s mother with disappointment.
“It’s peer pressure honey. He’s afraid of being made fun of…that’s all,” replied her husband.
Approaching West High, Troy saw his best friend, Brad Murray, waiting for him on the steps along with some of his other basketball teammates. Brad was this tall, Asian boy with smarts and a sense for adventure. Troy and Brad had been the best friends since kindergarten when Brad brought Troy over to his house to play with his new GameBoy.
“Yo man. Are you coming over to my house today to shoot some hoops? Basketball season may have finished, but I need to start training again.” said Brad, as he pushed his glasses up to his eyes.
“Not sure about today bro…my parents want me home early to watch the house while they go watch some ballet production up in the city.” replied Troy.
Troy, Brad, and the rest of the basketball posse walked through the halls headed towards their lockers. While he looked through his locker and picked out his books for the next class, Troy couldn’t help but notice something sparkly walking towards him and Brad.
“Hey Brad, your ballet princess is approaching,” said Troy, mockingly.
“Where?!” Brad replied, looking anxiously.
“Coming to your right,” said Troy.
Sharpie McShevans was the school’s ballet princess. Along with her brother, Bryan McShevans, they were always the leads for whatever ballet production West High did. If they could, they would be the directors of their own production where the only dancers were themselves.
“Brad! Can you tutor me in Geometry after school today? I don’t understand shapes and I don’t know why a square is a rectangle and a rectangle isn’t a square,” said Sharpie.
“Sure, then will you go out with me this Saturday? asked Brad.
“Maybe, I’m not sure yet. The tryouts for the Nutcracker are on Saturday, but I’m sure I’ll get the lead as always, so I guess I can go, but I better get an A on the next test,” replied Sharpie.
Troy noticed he was going to be late to class and told Brad, Sharpie, and the rest of the basketball team he would see them tomorrow morning.
As he walked out of his last class, Troy happened to notice Ellie Montezy walking down the hall towards the dance studio. Troy had an enormous crush on Ellie since the day he sprinted right into her on his way to the cafeteria. Unfortunately, Ellie’s lunch splattered all over her shirt and that fueled her anger even more. Troy remembered her yelling at him to tell him to watch where he was walking next time. While she yelled at him, Troy thought about how beautiful she was and wondered if she was single. He had tried to make it up to her by asking her out on a date, but she refused and walked away.
After Ellie past him, not even giving him a second glance, Troy decided to follow her. Every so often, he hid behind a locker so she wouldn’t see him. “She’s going to think I’m a crazy stalker. If she sees me, I’ll never be able to get a chance with her!” Troy thought to himself. When she finally reached the studio and walked in, Troy waited a few minutes before peeping through the window in the door. Troy knew that she was a ballerina, but he didn’t know how good of a dancer she actually was.
After a few minutes of silently watching her, Troy walked inside the studio. Ellie noticed he came in, but concentrated on her stretches.
“You’re a terrible stalker. I had a feeling someone was following and watching me,” Ellie said as she finished up stretching.
“Well, I can explain….you see….I….uh….you’re a good dancer,” stammered Troy.
“Thanks. Since when have liked watching people dance? Or just liked dancing in general?” asked Ellie.
“Actually, believe it or not, I used to be a really good ballet dancer, but Brad only knows that…and now you,” confessed Troy.
“Wow! I’m surprised….maybe you should try out for the Nutcracker since you’re such a good dancer,” teased Ellie.
“You don’t believe me….I guess I’ll just have to show you my abilities,” thought Troy.
Troy leapt with grace through the air across the room. He leapt back and forth until he got tired then continued on to twirling. Troy twirled around Ellie until she got dizzy. After, Troy did a combination of leaps and pirouettes to end his dance routine.
Ellie was speechless. She never saw anything like that and wanted Troy as her partner. Ellie thought that with Troy as her partner they could be the leads for the nutcracker.
“I don’t care what you’re doing on Saturday. You and I are going down to the school theatre and auditioning against Sharpie and Bryan for the Nutcracker,” proclaimed Ellie.
“If I agree to all this, will you finally go on a date with me?” asked Troy.
“Fine.” said Ellie with a smile.
“See you Saturday then,” said Troy.
On Saturday morning, Troy woke up early and stretched in the dance studio at home. A wave of fear overcame him when he thought what the school would think when they saw him dance. “I’ll just have to deal with them after opening night,” thought Troy. After he stretched, Troy put on a black V-neck, a pink leotard, and headed out on his drive to West High’s theatre.
The theatre was empty except for the director who sat at the desk in front of the stage. The farther Troy walked down he realized that not only was it him and the director, but also Sharpie, Bryan, Brad, and Ellie were already there as well.
“Troy! I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” laughed Brad.
“Mr. McColton, you’re late,” said the director. “I want Sharpie and Bryan on stage as well as you and Ellie. I believe if you all dance individually, I will have a hard time making a decision, so I made this proposition. Both teams will compete in a dance-off and whoever I feel is the better couple will be cast as the leads for the Nutcracker. If the first team manages to mess up their dance whatsoever, the second team has the opportunity to begin right away.”
“Don’t worry I got a plan. Just follow my lead,” whispered Ellie.
When the music started, Sharpie and Bryan immediately began their dance. Sharpie and Bryan did a perfect pirouette. After a few minutes of graceful twirls and leaps through the air, Sharpie ran towards Bryan so that he could hold her up. Suddenly, the music changed to a hip hop beat and it threw the team off balance. Bryan was able to hold her up, but when the music changed he dropped his sister. As soon as Sharpie got up, Troy and Ellie rushed to center stage and started with some hip hop moves. The music changed again to a classical song familiar to both of them. Ellie and Troy started to leap across the stage and finished with twirls and pirouettes. To end their dance, Troy held Ellie in their air. For the ten seconds he held her up, the two looked into each other’s eyes and saw the other in a different light. The director smiled and knew he had found his lead couple for the Nutcracker. When Troy lowered Ellie down, the director stood up and started clapping. Though Sharpie and Bryan were defeated, they clapped in unison as well.
“Congratulations Troy and Ellie, you have won the two leads. I am happy to see that you were flexible to the music being played and were able to adapt. You both are well-rounded dancers.” Said the director to Troy and Ellie
“As for Sharpie and Bryan, you did a good job too, but I’m sorry to say you didn’t get the part,” stated the director.
“Good job Troy! You and Ellie were really good. You can count on me coming to watch the Nutcracker on opening night!” exclaimed Brad.
“That was simply amazing. I hope you do well in the production. As for future productions, my brother and I will work even harder to compete with you. Keep up the good work,” said Sharpie, smiling.
“Thank you everyone so much! If you will excuse us, I have reservations for two at the Italian restaurant in the mall,” said Troy.
Troy and Ellie exited the theatre and headed to his car. He knew from then on that everything would fall perfectly into place as he opened the door for Ellie, got into the front seat, and drove away.
The Glamorous Life of Being "16 and Pregnant" by Christine N.
The Glamorous Life of Being “16 and Pregnant”
Narrator: It is a Monday morning in Danville, California. Located on the far corner of Crest Street, the Soo household is up and ready to start the day. There is Mr. and Mrs. Soo and their three daughters: Sara, Tara, and Kara. Sara is sixteen years old and the oldest of the three. Tara is thirteen years old and the 2nd oldest. Last but not least, Kara is five years old and the youngest of them all. Unlike her well-mannered sisters, Sara Soo is the exact opposite of them. She is a wild and unruly child, who does things on her own terms.
Scene starts inside the Soo household
Mrs. Soo: (shouts from downstairs) You three, hurry up! You will be late for school if we don’t hurry.
Sara: (shouts back) Hold on, woman! We’re almost done. I just need to find my binder. (throws a fit) Where is my binder?!
Tara walks into Sara’s room.
Sara: Hey Tara, did you see my binder? It’s blue and it has a picture of Kevin on it.
Tara: (confused) Nope, I didn’t see your binder. Sorry, sis.
Sara: (upset and whining) Ugh! Where could my binder be?! I need it for school. Plus, it has Kevin’s picture on it!
Kara runs in with Sara’s binder.
Sara: (angrily) My binder! Oh, my binder! Give me that! (takes binder from Kara) Okay, I am ready now. Let’s go.
Sara, Tara, and Kara all walk downstairs.
Mrs. Soo: (irritated) Are you all ready now? Dad is already in the car waiting for us.
Tara: (happily) We’re ready! Let’s go.
The Soo sisters pick up their books and bags, puts on their shoes, and leaves the house. Mrs. Soo locks up the door and everyone gets into the car.
Mr. Soo: (looks at the Sara) What took so long? Talking to Kevin on the phone again? I don’t see why you can’t just wait until school. He comes over to the house every day.
Sara: (angrily) O…M…G…just leave me alone.
Mrs. Soo: (sternly) We don’t use that tone around here! Apologize to your dad, young lady.
Sara: (irritated) Ugh, whatever. Sorry.
Mrs. Soo: (irritated) Dear, just drive. We’re already late as it is.
Mr. Soo: (chuckles) Alright, Alright. Let’s go.
Mr. Soo starts the car and drives to Sara’s high school.
Mrs. Soo: Be good now okay?
Sara: (rushing) Yah sure. I know.
Kara and Tara: Bye Sara!
Mr. Soo: Have a nice day!
Sara: Bye! (closes the car door)
Sara walks up the steps and into the school. She looks around. The halls are crowded with students. The bell rings. She runs to homeroom in a hurry.
Scene skips to homeroom
Sara walks through the door. Kevin walks up to her and hugs her.
Kevin: (smiling) Hey, babe. How are you?
Sara: (smiling) Good. You?
Kevin: I missed you this weekend! We didn’t talk much.
Sara: (embarrassed) I know…I’m sorry. I was just busy.
Kevin: (touches Sara’s face) It’s okay. I understand. Hey, I want to ask you something.
Sara: (surprised) Um, okay. What is it?
Mr. Smith: (speaking loudly) Class, please take your seat! We’re going to do something different in homeroom today.
Kevin: (whispers) I’ll tell you later.
Sara and Kevin take their seat in the back of the class. Mr. Smith stands in front of the white board and writes “SEX EDUCATION” on it.
Mr. Smith: (clears throat) Today, we’re going to talk about Sex Education. Does anyone know what abstinence means?
Kevin: (shouts) NO! (laughs)
Sara laughs.
Mr. Smith: Well Mr. Woo, abstinence means to abstain from sex. Can anyone tell me why it is important to abstain from sex?
Kevin: (puzzled) Why would we want to do that? Sex is fun!
Mr. Smith: Mr. Woo, if you don’t be quiet, I will be forced to send you to the principle’s office.
Kevin: (amused) Cool your jets, Mr. Smith. I’ll be quiet.
Mr. Smith: (irritated) Alright, back on the topic of abstinence.
Kevin writes on a piece of paper and throws it at Sara. Sara picks up the note, opens it up, and reads it.
Sara: (whispering to herself) “Hey Sara. Come over to my house tonight. Let’s do it. You know you want to. Remember sex is fun! Who wouldn’t want a baby or an STD? I know I do. We can start a life together. I’m sick of this school. When we have a baby, we don’t have to go to school or do anything! Love, Kevin.”
Sara looks up and glances at Kevin. Kevin is smiling at her.
Mr. Smith: (loudly) Sara! Sara! Are you paying attention! Stop looking at Mr. Woo and pay attention.
Sara: (crumples note and hides it under her desk) Sorry, Mr. Smith. I was paying attention! I just saw a fly in that direction. That’s all.
Mr. Smith: Oh really? (walking towards Sara) Then, can you explain to me what I just said?
Sara: (panicking) Oh, um. Something about being abstinence because sex can lead to STDs and babies. You can die from sex because sex is really bad.
Mr. Smith: (satisified) Well, you don’t always die from sex. You can die, however, if you get AIDs or some other type of STD.
Sara: Gotcha Mr. Smith!
Mr. Smith walks back to the front of the classroom. Sara looks at Kevin and nods her head. Kevin grins and nods back.
Sara: (whispering to herself) I’m going do it with Kevin! Ah, I’m so happy. I can’t wait to lose my virginity to him. I mean, what can go wrong? It’s just sex. I don’t know everyone makes such a big deal about how bad it is. It seems so much fun. I mean…how many people have ever gotten pregnant from sex before? (giggles)
Sara turns to the right side of her. She sees a pregnant girl.
Sara: (whispering to herself) Wow, that girl is fat.
Girl: (glares) Excuse me? I’m pregnant…not fat.
Sara: (happily) Being pregnant sure seems like fun!
Girl: (sarcasm) The best! Be sure to get yourself knocked up! It’s so much fun. (rolls eyes)
Sara: Thanks! (smiling) I will!
The bell rings.
Mr. Smith: Okay class! Get to your first period. Homeroom dismissed.
Sara gets up from her desk and walks toward the door. Kevin runs to catch up to her.
Kevin: (grinning) See you tonight! (winks)
Sara: (smiling) See you. (bites lip)
Kevin and Sara kiss and they part ways.
Scene skips to the end of school
The bells ring. Sara calls her parents telling them that she will be at a friend’s house tonight. Kevin walks up to her.
Kevin: Ready?
Sara: Did you get the condom?
Kevin: Pfft, who needs condoms? Condoms are lame! We’ll do this natural-style.
Sara: (smiling) You’re right. Condoms are lame. What could go wrong? (giggles) Okay, let’s do this!
Sara and Kevin get into Kevin’s car, and they drive back to his house. There they go into his room and start doing it.
Kevin: (calmly) It’s alright babe. Just follow me. I know this is your first time, but I got this. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. I’ll always be by your side. (smiling)
They continue to do it all night long.
Scene skips to school next day
Sara is standing in the hallway with her best friend, Halley.
Halley: Did you really do it?!
Sara: (smiling) Yes! We did it last night! (giggles)
Halley: Omygosh, that’s so cool! I’m so jealous! (laughs) I wish I could have sex with someone right now! It seems so much fun.
Sara: (laughs) It is fun!
The bell rings.
Halley: Alright, I got to go. Text me tonight!
Sara: Alright bye! (waves)
Scene skips to a month later
Sara is in her bathroom.
Sara: (confused) Ugh, why haven’t I gotten my period yet?! I should talk to Halley about this. She might know.
Sara walks out of the bathroom and goes into her room. She grabs her phone and calls Halley.
Sara: Hey Halley, it’s Sara. I need some advice.
Halley: (confused) What is it?
Sara: I haven’t gotten my period yet. I think I’m late.
Halley: (excited) Do you know what this means?!
Sara: (loudly) What?!
Halley: YOU MIGHT BE PREGNANT!
Sara: (excitedly jumping up and down) OMG, no way?! THAT IS SO COOL! Omygosh, I must tell everyone!
Halley: Wait! Take a test first. I’ll come over in a bit with the pregnancy test.
Sara: Okay hurry!
An hour later
The doorbell rings downstairs. Sara runs downstairs to open it. Halley is standing in front of the door holding a bag. She comes inside.
Halley: Okay, I got it. (smiling) Let’s find out now!
Halley and Sara run upstairs.
Halley: (handing Sara the pregnancy test) Just pee on this and wait for the sign to pop up.
Sara: (confused) Pee on it? Ew!
Halley: (laughing and sticking out her tongue) I know. Just do it, though. (giggles)
Sara grabs the pregnancy test and runs into the bathroom. She runs out an hour later.
Halley: (impatiently) Well! Tell me!
Sara: (looks up) I’m PREGNANT! (smiling)
Halley: (smiling) CONGRATULATIONS GIRL! YOU’RE GOING TO BE A MOM!
Sara: (happily) I must tell everyone! Oh, everyone will be so happy for me! I should let Kevin know about this first. He will be so happy.
Sara grabs her phone and calls Kevin.
Sara: (nervously) Hey, babe. I have something to tell you.
Kevin: (curiously) What is it? (excitedly) You want to come over again tonight and do it?
Sara: Um, no.
Kevin: (disappointed) Well, what is it then?
Sara: (takes a deep breath) Okay…um…I’m PREGNANT! Isn’t this so exciting?!
Kevin: (shouting) WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS??
Sara: (laughing) YES!
Kevin: (happily) CONGRATS BABE! WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY.
Sara: (giggles) I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?
Kevin: Alright, bye babe.
Halley: Aw, you two will be the greatest parents ever!
Sara: (happily) I know right! We’ll drop out of school, get jobs at McDonalds, and live happily ever after! (giggles)
Halley: You are so lucky! I’m so jealous. Are you going to tell your parents?
Sara: Hmm, I should shouldn’t I? I will tell them when they get home. Oh, they’ll be so happy for me!
Halley: Well, I got to go! See you tomorrow. Text me!
Sara: Alright, bye!
Halley hugs Sara and goes downstairs. She leaves the house.
Three hours later
The front door opens. Mr. and Mrs. Soo walks in. Sara runs downstairs.
Sara: (smiling) I have something to tell you guys!
Mrs. Soo: What is it, hunny? Did you get an A on your test?
Sara: Nope!
Mr. Soo: Did you get an award?
Sara: Nope! (giggles) I’M PREGNANT!
Mrs. Soo drops her purse. Mr. Soo stares blankly at Sara.
Mrs. Soo: (yelling) YOU ARE WHAT?!
Sara: (smiling) I’m pregnant!
Mr. Soo: (angrily) Are you joking around with us?! This isn’t funny.
Sara: (giggles) I’m not lying! Aren’t you happy for me?!
Mr. Soo: (shouting) GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW! YOU’RE NOT OUR DAUGHTER ANYMORE! GET OUT!
Sara: (scared) But dad!
Mrs. Soo: (shouting) GET OUT! YOU’RE NOT WELCOME IN OUR HOUSE ANYMORE, YOU DISGUSTING CHILD. GET OUT.
Sara: (sobbing) BUT! I thought you would be happy for me…
Mr. Soo: (face getting red) HAPPY?! ARE YOU KIDDING? GET OUT NOW. WE DISOWN YOU.
Mr. Soo runs upstairs and grabs all of Sara’s belongings. He runs back downstairs and throws it out the door. Mrs. Soo is sobbing on the ground.
Mrs. Soo: (hands up in the air) Why?! Why did we get stuck with this child?! This good-for-nothing child.
Mr. Soo pushes Sara out of the house and closes the door. Sara is standing in the middle of the driveway, crying. She takes out her phone and calls Kevin.
Sara: (holding back tears) Hey Kevin, how are you?
Kevin: (surprised) Hey babe, why are you calling so late?
Sara: Oh, nothing. I just wanted to know how you were doing. You’ll always love me and the baby right?
Kevin: Of course. I love you and the baby a lot. When the baby is born, we’ll start our life together.
Sara: (hiccups) Okay…hey, what is that sound in the back? It sounds like moaning?
Kevin: (quickly) Oh it’s nothing! Just my…TV. You know…
Sara: Oh…okay.
Kevin: Hey babe, I need to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Okay, bye! (hangs up)
Sara: Um, okay…bye. (hangs up) I think I should visit Kevin…Maybe he’ll let me stay at his house.
Sara walks from her house to Kevin’s house.
Scene skips to in front of Kevin’s house
Sara: (thinking) Should I knock? Maybe I should go around to his window and surprise him. I don’t want to bother his parents.
Sara walks around the house and goes up to Kevin’s window. His window is open. She looks inside and sees Kevin having sex with another girl, Elise.
Elise: (to Kevin) Hey babe, you know that girl? What was her name? Sara? I heard you were going out with her. Is that true?
Kevin: (laughing) Going out with her? Oh please. I just wanted her for sex. You’re the only one I want babe.
Elise: But I heard you got her pregnant.
Kevin: (impatiently) So? Truth is…I only wanted her for the baby.
Elise: (upset) Why didn’t you ask me to make a baby with you?
Kevin: (puts his finger to her lips) Shh, she’s pretty, so the baby will be beautiful looking. I’ll make her let us keep it, so we can be the proud parents of a beautiful baby.
Elise laughs. Outside, Sara falls to the ground and starts crying again.
Elise: (to Kevin) Did you hear something?
Kevin: I’m not sure. Let me go check.
Kevin walks to his window and looks out. On the ground, he sees Sara crying. Kevin is shocked and quickly puts on his clothes.
Kevin: (impatiently) Stay here!
Elise: (confused) What’s wrong?!
Kevin: (yelling) Just stay!
Kevin runs outside of his house and walks toward Sara. Sara looks up.
Kevin: (surprised) What are you doing here?!
Sara: (angrily) What are you doing with her?! I came here to look for a place to stay! My parents kicked me out of the house for the baby I’m having with YOU. Or did you forget?!
Kevin: No…no…no! I didn’t forget. I just…had other things to take care of. (trying to help Sara up)
Sara: (pushing Kevin away) Take care of other things?! What other things?! You mean HER?!
Kevin: Look, I’m sorry! I just couldn’t help it. I’m a guy! Sex is what we do. We live, breathe, and sleep sex. Look, I’m sorry. I’ll tell Elise to go away and I’ll never see her again. We can live a happy life together. You, me, and the baby. We can make this work.
Sara: (angrily) Oh, please! That’s not what I heard! Using me, huh?! YOU DIRTY PIG.
Sara smacks Kevin.
Kevin: (yelling) OW! WHY DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!
Sara: (angrily) Forget it, I’m leaving.
Kevin: (reaches out to grab Sara) No…don’t!
Sara: (pulls away) Get your hands off of me, you filthy pig! It’s OVER!
Kevin: (grabs Sara and holds her tight) LOOK HERE YOU SLUT! We’re going to make this work! Why?! Because this is MY baby, too.
Kevin slaps Sara. Sara runs away, crying.
Scene skips to Chinatown
Sara walks along the dark streets of Chinatown. She is all alone. She walks into a dim sum place and orders a plate of Chinese dumplings. As she is eating, an old guy walks up to her.
Old Guy: Hey there pretty lady, my name is Henry. Nice to meet you.
Sara: (looks down) Um, sorry. I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.
Henry: (sits down) Well, I just wanted to know if you were alright or not. You look kind of down.
Sara: (looks up w/ tears in her eyes): Well, my parents repudiated me for getting pregnant and I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. I have no where to go and no one loves me.
Henry: That is a mighty predicament you’re in. Well, I’ll tell you what. You can always stay in my house.
Sara: (hesitant) Well…I don’t know…we just met and all…
Henry: You have no where else to go right? The offer is always open.
Sara and Henry end up talking the whole night.
Sara: (smiling) You know, Henry. You’re a really nice person. Thank you for letting me stay at your place. I really appreciate it.
Henry: (smiling) Shall we go now? You seem tired.
Sara: (smiling) I am a bit tired. Let’s go!
Sara and Henry walk to Henry’s car. They drive back to Henry’s house in Oakland, California.
Scene skips to Henry’s house
Sara and Henry walk into the house. They turn on the lights.
Sara: (thinking) Omg, this is disgusting.
Henry: (scratches head) It’s not in the best shape, but I hope it’ll do.
Over the next couple of months, Sara and Henry have gotten really close to each other. Sara has had to drop out of school because she could no longer go to school under her current conditions. Sara has also gotten a TV contract with MTV’s “16 and Pregnant.”
Several months later
Sara: (smiling at cameras) Hey everyone! This is Sara Soo. I’m about 8 months pregnant and waiting patiently for the baby to come. It’s a girl by the way. Her name is Crystal. Henry has been such a sweetheart. He’s been working over time at McDonalds to help support the family when the baby finally arrives. I’m loving life so far. Sure, people point and stare at me when I go out on the streets, but that is okay. They are just jealous that I’m going to have a baby at such a young age and they aren’t, which is why they call me such mean things. (smiling) Anyways, I’ll see you guys next time! (waves)
Director: That’s a wrap! We’ll see you all next week!
The MTV crew packs up and leaves the house.
Sara: Well, that was exhausting. (looks in the mirror) I wonder if I look fat on TV.
There is a knock on the door.
Sara: (surprised) Who could that be?
Sara goes to the doors and opens it. She sees Kevin standing in front of her.
Sara: (surprised) Kevin? What are you doing here?
Kevin: (apologetic) Look, I’m sorry for acting like a jerk a while ago.
Sara: (in disbelief) It’s been 7 months…only now you apologize?
Kevin: Look, I didn’t come here to argue with you today. I just wanted to know…can we just get back together? Please?
Sara: Why?
Kevin: (embarrassed) Um, well…I saw you on TV. I thought since I was the father of the baby…I should be on TV, too. How about it? I look good on TV. I can be the star and you can be my leading lady (smiling) Let’s get back together! I never stopped loving you.
Sara: (laughs) HAHAHA! LIES! ALL LIES! Forget about it. (smirks) Well, sorry. I’m already married to someone.
Kevin: (in disbelief) Who?! Who would marry YOU?!
Sara: (smirks) Henry! We got hitched in Vegas about three months ago. Henry loves me and would never use me, you filthy pig.
Kevin: Henry’s old.
Sara: (angrily) So what?! LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES. Just leave! I’m better off without you!
Kevin: (angrily) FINE, WHATEVER!
Kevin leaves and slams the door behind him.
A year later
Sara and Henry are sitting together on the couch with their daughter, Crystal. The MTV production crew is filming again.
Sara: (smiling at camera) It’s been a year since our daughter was born, and we are happy as ever. I may have had to drop out of school, get disowned by my parents, lose all of my friends, leave my home and throw away all of my hopes and dreams to become a parent, but I’m happy as ever! I have the perfect job of cleaning toilets at McDonalds and the perfect husband, who is old and always bosses me around! (giggles) Though my life is now ruined because I was a stupid sixteen year-old, I don’t think it’s all that bad. Look, I’m on TV! Isn’t that just wonderfully amazing? Now, everyone can see just how wonderful my life is.
Henry: Like a sellout (laughs)
Sara nudges him.
Sara: (giggles) Oh, silly Henry. Always joking. Anyways, life couldn’t get anymore perfect. I mean…who wouldn’t want to live in a run-down house, work at McDonalds, and ruin their future? (smiles and giggles)
The End.
Narrator: It is a Monday morning in Danville, California. Located on the far corner of Crest Street, the Soo household is up and ready to start the day. There is Mr. and Mrs. Soo and their three daughters: Sara, Tara, and Kara. Sara is sixteen years old and the oldest of the three. Tara is thirteen years old and the 2nd oldest. Last but not least, Kara is five years old and the youngest of them all. Unlike her well-mannered sisters, Sara Soo is the exact opposite of them. She is a wild and unruly child, who does things on her own terms.
Scene starts inside the Soo household
Mrs. Soo: (shouts from downstairs) You three, hurry up! You will be late for school if we don’t hurry.
Sara: (shouts back) Hold on, woman! We’re almost done. I just need to find my binder. (throws a fit) Where is my binder?!
Tara walks into Sara’s room.
Sara: Hey Tara, did you see my binder? It’s blue and it has a picture of Kevin on it.
Tara: (confused) Nope, I didn’t see your binder. Sorry, sis.
Sara: (upset and whining) Ugh! Where could my binder be?! I need it for school. Plus, it has Kevin’s picture on it!
Kara runs in with Sara’s binder.
Sara: (angrily) My binder! Oh, my binder! Give me that! (takes binder from Kara) Okay, I am ready now. Let’s go.
Sara, Tara, and Kara all walk downstairs.
Mrs. Soo: (irritated) Are you all ready now? Dad is already in the car waiting for us.
Tara: (happily) We’re ready! Let’s go.
The Soo sisters pick up their books and bags, puts on their shoes, and leaves the house. Mrs. Soo locks up the door and everyone gets into the car.
Mr. Soo: (looks at the Sara) What took so long? Talking to Kevin on the phone again? I don’t see why you can’t just wait until school. He comes over to the house every day.
Sara: (angrily) O…M…G…just leave me alone.
Mrs. Soo: (sternly) We don’t use that tone around here! Apologize to your dad, young lady.
Sara: (irritated) Ugh, whatever. Sorry.
Mrs. Soo: (irritated) Dear, just drive. We’re already late as it is.
Mr. Soo: (chuckles) Alright, Alright. Let’s go.
Mr. Soo starts the car and drives to Sara’s high school.
Mrs. Soo: Be good now okay?
Sara: (rushing) Yah sure. I know.
Kara and Tara: Bye Sara!
Mr. Soo: Have a nice day!
Sara: Bye! (closes the car door)
Sara walks up the steps and into the school. She looks around. The halls are crowded with students. The bell rings. She runs to homeroom in a hurry.
Scene skips to homeroom
Sara walks through the door. Kevin walks up to her and hugs her.
Kevin: (smiling) Hey, babe. How are you?
Sara: (smiling) Good. You?
Kevin: I missed you this weekend! We didn’t talk much.
Sara: (embarrassed) I know…I’m sorry. I was just busy.
Kevin: (touches Sara’s face) It’s okay. I understand. Hey, I want to ask you something.
Sara: (surprised) Um, okay. What is it?
Mr. Smith: (speaking loudly) Class, please take your seat! We’re going to do something different in homeroom today.
Kevin: (whispers) I’ll tell you later.
Sara and Kevin take their seat in the back of the class. Mr. Smith stands in front of the white board and writes “SEX EDUCATION” on it.
Mr. Smith: (clears throat) Today, we’re going to talk about Sex Education. Does anyone know what abstinence means?
Kevin: (shouts) NO! (laughs)
Sara laughs.
Mr. Smith: Well Mr. Woo, abstinence means to abstain from sex. Can anyone tell me why it is important to abstain from sex?
Kevin: (puzzled) Why would we want to do that? Sex is fun!
Mr. Smith: Mr. Woo, if you don’t be quiet, I will be forced to send you to the principle’s office.
Kevin: (amused) Cool your jets, Mr. Smith. I’ll be quiet.
Mr. Smith: (irritated) Alright, back on the topic of abstinence.
Kevin writes on a piece of paper and throws it at Sara. Sara picks up the note, opens it up, and reads it.
Sara: (whispering to herself) “Hey Sara. Come over to my house tonight. Let’s do it. You know you want to. Remember sex is fun! Who wouldn’t want a baby or an STD? I know I do. We can start a life together. I’m sick of this school. When we have a baby, we don’t have to go to school or do anything! Love, Kevin.”
Sara looks up and glances at Kevin. Kevin is smiling at her.
Mr. Smith: (loudly) Sara! Sara! Are you paying attention! Stop looking at Mr. Woo and pay attention.
Sara: (crumples note and hides it under her desk) Sorry, Mr. Smith. I was paying attention! I just saw a fly in that direction. That’s all.
Mr. Smith: Oh really? (walking towards Sara) Then, can you explain to me what I just said?
Sara: (panicking) Oh, um. Something about being abstinence because sex can lead to STDs and babies. You can die from sex because sex is really bad.
Mr. Smith: (satisified) Well, you don’t always die from sex. You can die, however, if you get AIDs or some other type of STD.
Sara: Gotcha Mr. Smith!
Mr. Smith walks back to the front of the classroom. Sara looks at Kevin and nods her head. Kevin grins and nods back.
Sara: (whispering to herself) I’m going do it with Kevin! Ah, I’m so happy. I can’t wait to lose my virginity to him. I mean, what can go wrong? It’s just sex. I don’t know everyone makes such a big deal about how bad it is. It seems so much fun. I mean…how many people have ever gotten pregnant from sex before? (giggles)
Sara turns to the right side of her. She sees a pregnant girl.
Sara: (whispering to herself) Wow, that girl is fat.
Girl: (glares) Excuse me? I’m pregnant…not fat.
Sara: (happily) Being pregnant sure seems like fun!
Girl: (sarcasm) The best! Be sure to get yourself knocked up! It’s so much fun. (rolls eyes)
Sara: Thanks! (smiling) I will!
The bell rings.
Mr. Smith: Okay class! Get to your first period. Homeroom dismissed.
Sara gets up from her desk and walks toward the door. Kevin runs to catch up to her.
Kevin: (grinning) See you tonight! (winks)
Sara: (smiling) See you. (bites lip)
Kevin and Sara kiss and they part ways.
Scene skips to the end of school
The bells ring. Sara calls her parents telling them that she will be at a friend’s house tonight. Kevin walks up to her.
Kevin: Ready?
Sara: Did you get the condom?
Kevin: Pfft, who needs condoms? Condoms are lame! We’ll do this natural-style.
Sara: (smiling) You’re right. Condoms are lame. What could go wrong? (giggles) Okay, let’s do this!
Sara and Kevin get into Kevin’s car, and they drive back to his house. There they go into his room and start doing it.
Kevin: (calmly) It’s alright babe. Just follow me. I know this is your first time, but I got this. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. I’ll always be by your side. (smiling)
They continue to do it all night long.
Scene skips to school next day
Sara is standing in the hallway with her best friend, Halley.
Halley: Did you really do it?!
Sara: (smiling) Yes! We did it last night! (giggles)
Halley: Omygosh, that’s so cool! I’m so jealous! (laughs) I wish I could have sex with someone right now! It seems so much fun.
Sara: (laughs) It is fun!
The bell rings.
Halley: Alright, I got to go. Text me tonight!
Sara: Alright bye! (waves)
Scene skips to a month later
Sara is in her bathroom.
Sara: (confused) Ugh, why haven’t I gotten my period yet?! I should talk to Halley about this. She might know.
Sara walks out of the bathroom and goes into her room. She grabs her phone and calls Halley.
Sara: Hey Halley, it’s Sara. I need some advice.
Halley: (confused) What is it?
Sara: I haven’t gotten my period yet. I think I’m late.
Halley: (excited) Do you know what this means?!
Sara: (loudly) What?!
Halley: YOU MIGHT BE PREGNANT!
Sara: (excitedly jumping up and down) OMG, no way?! THAT IS SO COOL! Omygosh, I must tell everyone!
Halley: Wait! Take a test first. I’ll come over in a bit with the pregnancy test.
Sara: Okay hurry!
An hour later
The doorbell rings downstairs. Sara runs downstairs to open it. Halley is standing in front of the door holding a bag. She comes inside.
Halley: Okay, I got it. (smiling) Let’s find out now!
Halley and Sara run upstairs.
Halley: (handing Sara the pregnancy test) Just pee on this and wait for the sign to pop up.
Sara: (confused) Pee on it? Ew!
Halley: (laughing and sticking out her tongue) I know. Just do it, though. (giggles)
Sara grabs the pregnancy test and runs into the bathroom. She runs out an hour later.
Halley: (impatiently) Well! Tell me!
Sara: (looks up) I’m PREGNANT! (smiling)
Halley: (smiling) CONGRATULATIONS GIRL! YOU’RE GOING TO BE A MOM!
Sara: (happily) I must tell everyone! Oh, everyone will be so happy for me! I should let Kevin know about this first. He will be so happy.
Sara grabs her phone and calls Kevin.
Sara: (nervously) Hey, babe. I have something to tell you.
Kevin: (curiously) What is it? (excitedly) You want to come over again tonight and do it?
Sara: Um, no.
Kevin: (disappointed) Well, what is it then?
Sara: (takes a deep breath) Okay…um…I’m PREGNANT! Isn’t this so exciting?!
Kevin: (shouting) WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS??
Sara: (laughing) YES!
Kevin: (happily) CONGRATS BABE! WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY.
Sara: (giggles) I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?
Kevin: Alright, bye babe.
Halley: Aw, you two will be the greatest parents ever!
Sara: (happily) I know right! We’ll drop out of school, get jobs at McDonalds, and live happily ever after! (giggles)
Halley: You are so lucky! I’m so jealous. Are you going to tell your parents?
Sara: Hmm, I should shouldn’t I? I will tell them when they get home. Oh, they’ll be so happy for me!
Halley: Well, I got to go! See you tomorrow. Text me!
Sara: Alright, bye!
Halley hugs Sara and goes downstairs. She leaves the house.
Three hours later
The front door opens. Mr. and Mrs. Soo walks in. Sara runs downstairs.
Sara: (smiling) I have something to tell you guys!
Mrs. Soo: What is it, hunny? Did you get an A on your test?
Sara: Nope!
Mr. Soo: Did you get an award?
Sara: Nope! (giggles) I’M PREGNANT!
Mrs. Soo drops her purse. Mr. Soo stares blankly at Sara.
Mrs. Soo: (yelling) YOU ARE WHAT?!
Sara: (smiling) I’m pregnant!
Mr. Soo: (angrily) Are you joking around with us?! This isn’t funny.
Sara: (giggles) I’m not lying! Aren’t you happy for me?!
Mr. Soo: (shouting) GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW! YOU’RE NOT OUR DAUGHTER ANYMORE! GET OUT!
Sara: (scared) But dad!
Mrs. Soo: (shouting) GET OUT! YOU’RE NOT WELCOME IN OUR HOUSE ANYMORE, YOU DISGUSTING CHILD. GET OUT.
Sara: (sobbing) BUT! I thought you would be happy for me…
Mr. Soo: (face getting red) HAPPY?! ARE YOU KIDDING? GET OUT NOW. WE DISOWN YOU.
Mr. Soo runs upstairs and grabs all of Sara’s belongings. He runs back downstairs and throws it out the door. Mrs. Soo is sobbing on the ground.
Mrs. Soo: (hands up in the air) Why?! Why did we get stuck with this child?! This good-for-nothing child.
Mr. Soo pushes Sara out of the house and closes the door. Sara is standing in the middle of the driveway, crying. She takes out her phone and calls Kevin.
Sara: (holding back tears) Hey Kevin, how are you?
Kevin: (surprised) Hey babe, why are you calling so late?
Sara: Oh, nothing. I just wanted to know how you were doing. You’ll always love me and the baby right?
Kevin: Of course. I love you and the baby a lot. When the baby is born, we’ll start our life together.
Sara: (hiccups) Okay…hey, what is that sound in the back? It sounds like moaning?
Kevin: (quickly) Oh it’s nothing! Just my…TV. You know…
Sara: Oh…okay.
Kevin: Hey babe, I need to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Okay, bye! (hangs up)
Sara: Um, okay…bye. (hangs up) I think I should visit Kevin…Maybe he’ll let me stay at his house.
Sara walks from her house to Kevin’s house.
Scene skips to in front of Kevin’s house
Sara: (thinking) Should I knock? Maybe I should go around to his window and surprise him. I don’t want to bother his parents.
Sara walks around the house and goes up to Kevin’s window. His window is open. She looks inside and sees Kevin having sex with another girl, Elise.
Elise: (to Kevin) Hey babe, you know that girl? What was her name? Sara? I heard you were going out with her. Is that true?
Kevin: (laughing) Going out with her? Oh please. I just wanted her for sex. You’re the only one I want babe.
Elise: But I heard you got her pregnant.
Kevin: (impatiently) So? Truth is…I only wanted her for the baby.
Elise: (upset) Why didn’t you ask me to make a baby with you?
Kevin: (puts his finger to her lips) Shh, she’s pretty, so the baby will be beautiful looking. I’ll make her let us keep it, so we can be the proud parents of a beautiful baby.
Elise laughs. Outside, Sara falls to the ground and starts crying again.
Elise: (to Kevin) Did you hear something?
Kevin: I’m not sure. Let me go check.
Kevin walks to his window and looks out. On the ground, he sees Sara crying. Kevin is shocked and quickly puts on his clothes.
Kevin: (impatiently) Stay here!
Elise: (confused) What’s wrong?!
Kevin: (yelling) Just stay!
Kevin runs outside of his house and walks toward Sara. Sara looks up.
Kevin: (surprised) What are you doing here?!
Sara: (angrily) What are you doing with her?! I came here to look for a place to stay! My parents kicked me out of the house for the baby I’m having with YOU. Or did you forget?!
Kevin: No…no…no! I didn’t forget. I just…had other things to take care of. (trying to help Sara up)
Sara: (pushing Kevin away) Take care of other things?! What other things?! You mean HER?!
Kevin: Look, I’m sorry! I just couldn’t help it. I’m a guy! Sex is what we do. We live, breathe, and sleep sex. Look, I’m sorry. I’ll tell Elise to go away and I’ll never see her again. We can live a happy life together. You, me, and the baby. We can make this work.
Sara: (angrily) Oh, please! That’s not what I heard! Using me, huh?! YOU DIRTY PIG.
Sara smacks Kevin.
Kevin: (yelling) OW! WHY DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!
Sara: (angrily) Forget it, I’m leaving.
Kevin: (reaches out to grab Sara) No…don’t!
Sara: (pulls away) Get your hands off of me, you filthy pig! It’s OVER!
Kevin: (grabs Sara and holds her tight) LOOK HERE YOU SLUT! We’re going to make this work! Why?! Because this is MY baby, too.
Kevin slaps Sara. Sara runs away, crying.
Scene skips to Chinatown
Sara walks along the dark streets of Chinatown. She is all alone. She walks into a dim sum place and orders a plate of Chinese dumplings. As she is eating, an old guy walks up to her.
Old Guy: Hey there pretty lady, my name is Henry. Nice to meet you.
Sara: (looks down) Um, sorry. I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.
Henry: (sits down) Well, I just wanted to know if you were alright or not. You look kind of down.
Sara: (looks up w/ tears in her eyes): Well, my parents repudiated me for getting pregnant and I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. I have no where to go and no one loves me.
Henry: That is a mighty predicament you’re in. Well, I’ll tell you what. You can always stay in my house.
Sara: (hesitant) Well…I don’t know…we just met and all…
Henry: You have no where else to go right? The offer is always open.
Sara and Henry end up talking the whole night.
Sara: (smiling) You know, Henry. You’re a really nice person. Thank you for letting me stay at your place. I really appreciate it.
Henry: (smiling) Shall we go now? You seem tired.
Sara: (smiling) I am a bit tired. Let’s go!
Sara and Henry walk to Henry’s car. They drive back to Henry’s house in Oakland, California.
Scene skips to Henry’s house
Sara and Henry walk into the house. They turn on the lights.
Sara: (thinking) Omg, this is disgusting.
Henry: (scratches head) It’s not in the best shape, but I hope it’ll do.
Over the next couple of months, Sara and Henry have gotten really close to each other. Sara has had to drop out of school because she could no longer go to school under her current conditions. Sara has also gotten a TV contract with MTV’s “16 and Pregnant.”
Several months later
Sara: (smiling at cameras) Hey everyone! This is Sara Soo. I’m about 8 months pregnant and waiting patiently for the baby to come. It’s a girl by the way. Her name is Crystal. Henry has been such a sweetheart. He’s been working over time at McDonalds to help support the family when the baby finally arrives. I’m loving life so far. Sure, people point and stare at me when I go out on the streets, but that is okay. They are just jealous that I’m going to have a baby at such a young age and they aren’t, which is why they call me such mean things. (smiling) Anyways, I’ll see you guys next time! (waves)
Director: That’s a wrap! We’ll see you all next week!
The MTV crew packs up and leaves the house.
Sara: Well, that was exhausting. (looks in the mirror) I wonder if I look fat on TV.
There is a knock on the door.
Sara: (surprised) Who could that be?
Sara goes to the doors and opens it. She sees Kevin standing in front of her.
Sara: (surprised) Kevin? What are you doing here?
Kevin: (apologetic) Look, I’m sorry for acting like a jerk a while ago.
Sara: (in disbelief) It’s been 7 months…only now you apologize?
Kevin: Look, I didn’t come here to argue with you today. I just wanted to know…can we just get back together? Please?
Sara: Why?
Kevin: (embarrassed) Um, well…I saw you on TV. I thought since I was the father of the baby…I should be on TV, too. How about it? I look good on TV. I can be the star and you can be my leading lady (smiling) Let’s get back together! I never stopped loving you.
Sara: (laughs) HAHAHA! LIES! ALL LIES! Forget about it. (smirks) Well, sorry. I’m already married to someone.
Kevin: (in disbelief) Who?! Who would marry YOU?!
Sara: (smirks) Henry! We got hitched in Vegas about three months ago. Henry loves me and would never use me, you filthy pig.
Kevin: Henry’s old.
Sara: (angrily) So what?! LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES. Just leave! I’m better off without you!
Kevin: (angrily) FINE, WHATEVER!
Kevin leaves and slams the door behind him.
A year later
Sara and Henry are sitting together on the couch with their daughter, Crystal. The MTV production crew is filming again.
Sara: (smiling at camera) It’s been a year since our daughter was born, and we are happy as ever. I may have had to drop out of school, get disowned by my parents, lose all of my friends, leave my home and throw away all of my hopes and dreams to become a parent, but I’m happy as ever! I have the perfect job of cleaning toilets at McDonalds and the perfect husband, who is old and always bosses me around! (giggles) Though my life is now ruined because I was a stupid sixteen year-old, I don’t think it’s all that bad. Look, I’m on TV! Isn’t that just wonderfully amazing? Now, everyone can see just how wonderful my life is.
Henry: Like a sellout (laughs)
Sara nudges him.
Sara: (giggles) Oh, silly Henry. Always joking. Anyways, life couldn’t get anymore perfect. I mean…who wouldn’t want to live in a run-down house, work at McDonalds, and ruin their future? (smiles and giggles)
The End.
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