Teen Satire by Jackie M.

As Sarah arrived home after band camp, she unpacked her things and pulled out the pregnancy test, which she had bought earlier that day, and ran to the bathroom. “Omg, this pregnancy test must be wrong, I can’t be pregnant!” cried Sarah from her bathroom. Sarah sat on her toilet thinking, “How could this be happening to me? I’m supposed to be the good girl, the invisible girl, the one who doesn’t get pregnant in high school.” Sarah cried to herself and thought about a way she was going to tell her parents. Here we are, in the city of Ridgeway, where an innocent teen in high school, Sarah, finds out that she is pregnant. That dinner, the topic of pregnancy coincidentally came up. “You wouldn’t do anything like that, right Sarah?” questioned Sarah’s dad. “Well… what if I did?” replied Sarah. “You’re not telling me you are, are you?” said Sarah’s dad. “Oh, you caught me, dad. I am pregnant!” said Sarah. “I guess we just have to put up with this.” said Mr. Woods.
The next day Sarah confronted Brandon, the guy who got her pregnant. Sarah said, “Look Brandon, what happened a few nights ago was really stupid of us and now we are expecting a child.” Brandon, shocked at what he was hearing, just stared at Sarah with a blank expression on his face. Everyone at school knew that Brandon was already having a serious relationship with Brittney Parks. Brandon was not the kind of guy who would stay committed to one girl. On the other hand, we have Ryan Mitchell who absolutely loves, adores, and stays faithful to one girl, which is Sarah. When Sarah told Ryan about the situation she was in, he responded quite calmly. Ryan said, “ I love you so much, and I don’t care if this baby is mine or not, I will stay by your side no matter what.” After getting through telling Ryan what was happening, Brittney Parks comes up to Sarah and says, “Hey! You mind telling me what you were doing having sex with MY boyfriend?” Sarah shocked and terrified of Brittney replied by saying, “I’m so sorry! He came onto me!” “Well it better not happen again, got that?” said Brittney fiercely. Sarah simply just nodded her head to avoid causing a scene.
As time past, Sarah is now 6 months into her pregnancy. Sarah still went to school even though she was always stared down and gossiped about. As the baby is on it’s way, Ryan feels that if Sarah and he would get married, it would solve all the problems. Ryan proposes to Sarah saying, “I know this baby is not mine, but I have grown closer to him and I really want to be his father. Sarah Woods, will you marry me so that we could raise this child together and live happily ever after?” Sarah shocked that Ryan was actually proposing to her just looked at him with bewildered eyes. “Ryan, I know your intentions are good, but Brandon is the father of my child, LOL, but thanks for the support!” said Sarah. The next day was just a bowl of awkward. Ryan was avoiding Sarah, Sarah was avoiding Brittney, and Brandon was on the look out for Sarah. During lunch, Brandon came up to Sarah and said, “Sarah, I know I haven’t been here helping you with your pregnancy, but I really want to be the father. I want to be a better father than my father had been to me.” Sarah smiled and said, “I’m glad that you have finally come around.” As Brandon and Sarah continue their conversation about their child, Ryan turns the corner and catches them laughing and hugging each other. Outraged by the occurrence that he had seen, went hunting for Brittney. He finally found her and said, “Brittney, I know you don’t know me well but we should have sex to make Brandon and Sarah jealous!” Brittney gave Ryan a smirk and said in a seducing voice, “I’ll see you tonight, my parents are not home and I have the whole house to myself.” Two of Sarah’s friends heard this and said, “Everyone is having sex! How come we aren’t having sex! Let’s all get together tonight so we can all have some fun”
A few weeks past and by then, about 90% of the girls at Ridgeway High was having sex. That lunch, Brittney came up to Ryan and announced that they were having a baby. At first, they were thinking of abortion. But then they realized they could use this child as “revenge” for when Sarah and Brandon hooked up. Sarah went up to Brittney and said, “OMG, we are pregnant together man! Yeah, soul sisters! I wonder who else wants to join our teen mom group!” Later that month, Sarah gave birth to a baby boy and named him John. By this time, Brandon and Sarah becomes a couple and they live together. As for Brittney and Ryan, Brittney had a miscarriage and the baby had died. Although Brittney and Ryan’s baby dies, they continue to have sex. Since Brandon and Sarah already had a child, they figured it would be best to avoid having sex and they worked on keeping their relationship exclusive. Although they tried to avoid having sex, they eventually got back into the temptations and began to have sex regularly. It was the last day of school and Brandon was graduating as the class valedictorian. When he went up to proclaim his speech, he called up Sarah and proposed to her. Sarah also had news for Brandon. Sarah was pregnant again! This time around, Brandon was more happy than shocked.
In the end, Sarah finishes up her last year of high school and decides to become a full time mother. Brandon goes to college and works for the family. Sarah and Brandon, Brittney and Ryan, and most of the other couples of Ridgeway High continue to have sex on a regular basis as if pregnancy was not an issue.