Taekwondo Satire by Sydney T.

In the middle of the Pacific Ocean there is a minute island, known as Oahu, Hawaii. On the island there is a do-jang for only taekwondo’s most elite fighters. The Oahu Taekwondo do-jang is run by the strictest Kuan Jang Nim (master) in the United States, Brian Kenny also referred to as Sir. They train in a warehouse, the size of a mansion, across from where two of the major intersections are located in Aiea. Kuan Jang Nim Kenny is very meticulous about the hygiene of his do-jang, although the sour smell of sweat, dirt and body odor never could be removed. The smell worst of all lingered around the warehouse and on Friday “fight” nights the smell was unbearable. It has the smell of sour and unwashed protective gear all students are required to have. Each one of his student had a responsibility in his do-jang and each one of his students completed the given task.
His students feared him in and outside of the do-jang, especially the girls. “Cha-Ryeo (attention)! Why don’t you have a belt? Give me two hundred push ups. RIGHT NOW, Miss Tubera! Here at OTC (Oahu Taekwondo Center) we DO NOT encourage irresponsibility!” said Kuan Jang Nim Kenny. Gloria Tubera immediately dropped down on her hand and feet and began doing push ups trying to hold back the tears. Kuan Jang Nim Kenny stood in front of her waiting for an answer. He asked again in a loud tone almost a yell “Where is your belt?” Gloria replied “I forgot it in the car Sir”.
Gloria soon finished her two hundred push ups and rejoined the class and stood next to her best friend Monica Ben. Mr. Kenny announces to the class “Next time one person forgets a belt in my do-jang, everyone is doing step-step touch for 4 minutes. Cha-Ryeo (attention) Kuk Gee Kyong-Ye (bow to flag), Kuan Jang Nim Gee Kyong-Ye (bow to master)! Good practice everyone! You are dismissed. No one forget to weigh in before you leave”. [The whole class bows again in respect.]
Monica and Gloria ran to their gear bags right beside each other immediately after class ended. Gloria said “Monica I am so scared for weigh ins I do not think I lost any weight.” Monica replied “Well you should have never tried to drop down to my division anyway. Now let’s go before we get into even more trouble” in a hasty tone. Monica is never worried about weight ins because she is five pounds within her weight division.
“Gloria get over here now and weigh in. Double time”. [Gloria] ‘”Yes Sir’. Gloria stepped on the scale and was waiting for the results for what seemed to be an hour. [Mr. Kenny] “114.9! 114.9! You have gained weight. What have you been eating? Have you been exercising outside of this do-jang and taking the initiative”? Gloria began weeping and barely muttering out the words “I have been eating less than 500 calories a day. I workout every chance I can.” All the people in the do-jang have their eyes on them. Sir said “You have to work off more than you take in to lose weight, so obviously you have not been working out enough. We are a week away from the Jr. Olympics. How do you expect to be 105.6 if you keep this up? You are going on an all liquid diet starting tonight”. Gloria faced her instructor, wiped her tears and replied “Yes Sir”.
A week past and Gloria remained on her liquid diet she at times didn’t drink the shake. She fainted from weakness at home a few time due to lack of food and the heat of the summer but she never mentioned anything to her parents or instructors. It was weigh in time after practice and Gloria felt good because of the effort she put in through the week. She was even the first one at the scale. [Master Kenny] “This is very good Gloria. You have lost seven pounds. You are now 107.6. Keep up the good work. You are drinking the shake though because seven pounds is a lot. I do not want you to compromise your health. Gloria looked down indecisive if she should tell the truth or not so she just look up and said “Yes Sir”.
The next day the whole team left for the Jr. Olympics. Monica, Gloria, and two other girls from their team were on the first day to fight. The arena was held at Florida states football stadium. It was a giant and cold arena, so cold you needed a blanket to keep warm in the holding area. Gloria and Monica fought the whole day and dominated the division. Two knock outs and three gaps for Gloria and five gaps for Monica. Gloria was tired and weak still trying to recover from what seemed to be almost starvation but Monica was nice and alert and ready to fight. At the end of the day the final round from the 14-17 fin weight division was about to happen, Monica and Gloria were shock when they walked out of the holding areas and they saw each other.
The fight began and the two girls fought long and hard. The head of WTF (World Taekwondo Federation) said “I have never heard two girls kee-up (yell) so loud before”! The kee-up filled the whole arena and even echoes filled the arena. Toward the end it was all tied up 7-7 but Gloria suddenly stopped and fainted. The medics came over and took her away from the ring. Gloria could not continue because of the medic’s demand. She was them disqualified and Monica won the division and is now the national team member. Gloria said to herself after losing that fight “I quit! Taekwondo just is not for me anymore”.
Gloria returned home and stuck to her word and told her parents “I do not want to do taekwondo anymore”. Her parents respected her wishes and withdrew her from taekwondo.
Two months later and 10 pounds heavier Gloria received a call from WTF (World Taekwondo Federation). They said to her “Monica Ben is officially kicked off of the national team member spot for the 14-17 fin weight division due to a failed drug test. You are the runner up. Would you like to compete in the Olympics?” Gloria took everything in and finally realized why Monica was so skinny, she was on diet pills. Once she gathered her thoughts together she replied to the WTF official saying “I will have to get back to you about that. Thank you. Goodbye”.
After thinking long and hard about what her decision was going to be she came to a conclusion. She called the WTF (World Taekwondo Federation) official back and said “No thank you”. She then hung up the phone and explained to her parents saying “I am too fat, out of shape and not mentally ready to put myself through anything like what I did before again. I am done with taekwondo”.
She did not know what to do with her life after turning down the Olympic spot. Taekwondo is all she knew and dedicated her time to. She sat in her room for the rest of the night saying to herself “Why did I turn down that offer? I love taekwondo.” For a week she just laid in her bed wondering what to do with her life, contemplating if she made the right decision.