“Awkward moment when I only gain 30 followers today. OMG I swear to god mom, I’m so forever alone, I think I’m gonna take my cat and laptop and go live in a hole and DIE,” I yelled at my mom while she’s making my dinner. “I mean I took a picture of my glass of water and it only got 400 notes.”
“How about you get a life or try to have good grades for once and stop complaining about tumblr, there’s people dying in Africa,” my mother says. She just doesn’t understand what it’s like to only have 1,000 followers. She won’t even buy me a new camera or laptop or clothes, it’s like she wants me to die.
“Why don’t you love me mom?! I swear, only Sir Fluffles loves me and he’s a cat. I bet you the kids in Africa are loved by their mothers.”
“I’m going to bed, good luck with your problems,” my mom said as she walked to her room. After I ate my mom’s horribly cooked meal, I went to my room and dragged my cat with me. Maybe the people on tumblr will care and not judge me. I think I should just put all my feelings on tumblr. I don’t want attention; I just want people to understand what I’m going through and to pay attention to me since no one in real life will.
After hours of pouring my feelings out like a thousand waterfalls of life, I got a bunch of messages from my few supportive followers. I came across this guy’s tumblr and he’s officially the love of my life, I’ll never find someone as good as him. We love all the same bands and we’re experiencing the same difficulties in life. Maybe one day, we can get through it together. I finally got the courage to leave him a message, I mean, you only live once so we gotta make it count, no regrets, just love, just keep swimming, it gets better, true love will conquer all, and all that good stuff.
I waited at the computer until three in the morning for a response, but still nothing. I refreshed my page one last time before going to sleep and a red message notification came up. My heart raced and a thousand scenario’s flew threw my head. I couldn't wait to see my tumblr soul mates response, but it wasn’t him. I opened it and it was a stupid anon saying, “You’re so dumb! Maybe you should stop complaining about your problems and just die already. You’re tumblr sucks and your fat. LOL no JK.”
I’m all alone in this world; no one will ever understand me. My mom hates me, my tumblr crush doesn’t love me, people just HATE for no reason. Who does this anon think he is leaving me this message? Maybe I will kill myself and then see how he feels about it. I bet you no one will care, not even my thousand followers. I scroll threw my dashboard, and all I see pictures of happy couples and people who love their girlfriends. Why can't I have that? Oh yea, because God must hate me. I’m gonna be forever alone and die an old lay with nothing but cats and a horrible tumblr. I think I’m just going to deactivate my account. Tonight, I’ll make my last post. “I’m done. I can’t do this anymore,” I typed then I logged out of tumblr.
I woke up and immediately regretted logging out of my tumblr; worst decision ever. I logged back in and found my inbox flooded and over 10,000 new followers. “Oh my Jesus,” I screamed in my room. I looked at my inbox and it turns out, my tumblr crush, -triangles4lyph182, saw my message and promoted me! Maybe he does love me and we can get married and have cute hipster babies dress them in hip clothes. Everything works out in the end when you have a tumblr.
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omg lyph is tuff> u dont understand me y do u have to b such a hater?!1!!
ReplyDeleteGood job Pili. Hipsters annoy me and your satire captured that beautifully with the incandesence of sarcasm that peeked through the tiny cracks in monologue. Lols. Good satire.
I like how she was dramatic in the beginning and I think that is what also made it a satire.
ReplyDeleteThis is quite true. There is a lot of tumblr addicts who choose to face life this way. For example, some people would get so depressed, commit injuries, and do reckless things to their own self because of the hatred and etc. But, I think that these people are taking it too personally. And life is meant to be enjoyed. Great job Pili! This satire has your name written all over it. Haha. (well, you know what I mean.) :3
ReplyDeleteHahaa this was soo funny, they characters were very dramatic which made your satire even funnier. Good Job! :)
ReplyDeleteI liked this satire because that's exactly how most tumblr addicts are. They can get annoying with all of their overreactions to life's "problems." It was really funny and I enjoyed it a lot!
ReplyDeleteThis was so great! The girl's attitude is the perfect example of how people can majorly overreact about tumblr. Your satirization of your topic was super clear - awesome job!
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