Satire Script: High School by Nicole F.

Victoria: High school. You got the jocks, geeks, drama freaks, goths, cheerleaders, the popular water boys, and then there’s me. I’m a 16 year old junior here at Forks high school , and so far it’s been the longest two years of my life. I’m a cheerleader and my best friend James is a quarterback on our football team. Both of are the least popular people in the whole school.



Betsy: Move out of the way you imbecile! *Betsy pushes Victoria to the side and walks down the high school hall, along with all the other students trying to get to their lockers.*



Victoria: Then there’s Betsy, the most popular girl in school. Everyone here wants to be her. All the girls started wearing polo shirts, khaki pants, glasses, Mary Janes, and slept with a book every night to try to get smarter. I’ve done that twice already and I made perfect A’s on my report card. Betsy’s in the mathletes, the chess club, Star trek fan club and has the most popular boy in school, Peter as her boyfriend. *sigh* Peter.



*Victoria sees Betsy running into Peter in the hallway, they high five each other and walk away hand in hand.*



*Victoria sighs and holds her books tighter to her chest*



James: *Waves hand in front of Victoria’s face* Hello?? Anyone there?



Victoria: *jumps up because she’s surprised* Jeez James! You scared me!



James: Were you looking at Peter again?



Victoria: *blushes, turns and starts opening her locker.* No.. Why would I do that?



James: Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Victoria you know that you don’t even suit a jerk like that. *leans against the lockers and watches Victoria get her books* Look here. Popular people belong with popular people like Betsy and Peter. Unpopular people belong with unpopular people like you and me. That’s just how it works.



Victoria: *closes locker and looks at James* I know, I know. But I just can’t get Peter out of my mind. His mouth full of braces. Those black glasses. That snorty laugh. Those checkered dress shirts he always wears. Plus he’s really really smart! What girl wouldn’t want him? *sighs, leans on lockers and looks up.* Betsy is such a lucky girl.



James: Okay enough of that. Let’s go now or else we’ll be late for class! *Pulls Victoria by the arm and starts running toward the classroom*



*The two get in the classroom on time and sit down in their seats. Then Peter comes in and sits next to Victoria.*



*Bell rings for class to start



Victoria: *thinks to herself* Thankfully I have at least one class with Peter. *smiles and starts getting out her notebook and notes. Thinks to herself again* Huh? Where’s my pencil case? I swear I put it in my bag! *looks through bag furiously then suddenly stops* Oh that’s right, it’s in my locker. *sighs and looks forward*



Teacher: Okay class now I highly recommend you take some of these notes down. Some of this stuff will be on the test.



Victoria: *thinks to herself* What am I supposed to do now I don’t have a—



Peter: Would you like a writing tool? I see that you do not have one in your possession. *Smiles and offers a pencil to Victoria*



Victoria: *blushes.* Thanks. *takes the pencil, and thinks to herself. * Awww. He offered me his pencil. He’s so nice.



Peter: *Pushes up his glasses and snorts.* You are welcome. *Looks back up to the board and starts taking notes.*



*Bell rings, students get up and start packing up their things.*



Teacher: Remember! There will be a test this coming Friday so—



Victoria: *hands Peter the pencil with two hands and looks down* Thank you for letting my borrow your pencil. I took a lot of good notes because of it.



Peter: *grabs pencil and puts in his chest pocket along with the other pens* It is my pleasure. *pushes his glasses up and snorts.* If you ever need another writing tool, just visually examine for me and I will bestow upon you my writing tools. *smiles*



Victoria: *looks up and blushes.* Yes. Thanks a lot. Again.



Betsy: *walks in the classroom and sees Peter and Betsy* Peter come! I am in need of your assistance to place these posters on all of the walls of the school. If we would like to succeed in getting the crown of the Queen and King of the homecoming function, it is relevant that we post these posters now.



Peter: Yes dear. *snorts and follows Betsy*



Betsy: *turns around and faces Victoria while Peter goes in the hall.* I will administer you some useful advice. *snorts and smoothes out the creases in her polo shirt* If you would like to be on our level of intelligence, all you have to do is run up and down the hallway acting like your being chased.



Victoria: *shocked* Really? Is that really all I have to do?



Betsy: *sighs, pushes up her glasses and stares at Victoria* The most popular girl in school is giving you advice and you dare question her?



Victoria: Oh yeah, you’re right. Okay I’ll do it now! Thanks Betsy!!! *smiles, turns around and runs down the hallways screaming, and the passing by students are looking at her like she's crazy*



Betsy: *laughs* Wow. This specimen is really gulibile isn't she?



Victoria: *gets back from running and mumbles* What a terrible person. *Goes to her locker*



Victoria: *sigh. I should’ve known she was tricking me. Now everyone thinks I’m crazy.



James: Yeah. Running down the hallway and screaming at the top of your lungs how did you think that would help you be popular? *smiles at Victoria*



Victoria: I never asked you for your opinion, but anyway why are you here?



James: I was wondering if you wanted to go to the homecoming with me. What’d you say?



Victoria: *thinks then smiles at James* Peter’s going to be there right? Sure let’s go!



James: Cool *smiles at Victoria* See you then!



Victoria: Yeah see you later! *waves and walks away.*





HOMECOMING



*Peter picks up Betsy and goes to the homecoming in the high school gym. The high school gym has only a few streamers only the ceilings, some colorful balloons, a small radio, a few candles to light up the room, some confetti on the ground, and some sugar free food. Peter is wearing a white dress shirt with black suspenders, crocs and glasses.*



Betsy: Oh, dear isn’t this magnificent? The burnished lights are so alluring. *snorts and pushes up her glasses* And they compliment my mahogany colored long sleeved dress. Don’t you think so? *smiles and looks at Peter*



Peter: Yes my cherished darling. *Pushes up glasses, squints his eyea and looks around the gym to get a better look.* I must say it is quite striking. *smiles and puts arm around Betsy*



Betsy: And look at all of our fellow disciples. *looks at the dance floor and there are about 30 students standing around.* I am absolutely sure we will triumph the homecoming queen and king. *smiles*



Peter: I concur. And the music is quite good. *the small radio is playing classical music from the Renaissance*



Betsy: It is isn’t it? Thankfully we wore our Crocs to the homecoming too. Or else our feet would be immensely aching now.



*Victoria and James enter the gym. Victoria has her hair down, with a pink flower in her hair. She’s wearing a short pink strapless dress with heels. James is wearing a black tux with a pink tie and a rose in his breastpocket.*



Victoria: This is pretty great huh James?



James: Yeah. Pretty great. *looks around and mumbles* not really.



Victoria: *looks over and sees Peter, and smiles* James come with me! Let’s go talk to Peter. *grabs James and walks over to Peter*



*Betsy and Peter are talking then Victoria and James pop in.*



Victoria: Hi Peter. *smiles at Peter*



Peter: *sighs* Salutations Victoria and... *looks to James*

James: James. *mumbles* We see each other everyday and you still don't remember my name.



Betsy: *snorts and mumbles* Victoria.



Peter: Well nice meeting you Mr. James.



James: *sighs* Anyway nice seeing you people, let’s go Victoria. *grabs Victoria’s arm and starts moving away*



Victoria: Ah. Wait! *Walks over to Peter* Peter you wanna come dance with me?



Peter: *sighs* No.



Victoria: Why not?



Peter: Because you are an ugly human being. And stupid. Not to be offensive to you, but I’m frightened that if I’m with you any longer, I will also stoop down to your level.



Victoria: *shocked* But—



Betsy: *laughs* Now do you finally know your place? *Gets closer and stands right in front of Victoria* Don’t come near us ever again, capisce?



*Victoria starts to cry and James comes in*



James: Leave her alone! *grabs Victoria’s arm and starts walking away* Let’s leave Victoria, you don't deserve this kind of treatment from these losers.



*James comforts Victoria outside of the gym. He says to ignore Peter and Betsy and that Peter doesn’t deserve her. After crying her eyes out, Victoria gets up and hugs James. Then, James musters up all the courage he has and tells Victoria that he really likes her. Shocked, Victoria doesn’t say anything. But James tells her that he’ll wait until she feels the same way about her. Victoria smiles and hugs James again. Thanking him for everything*